how do I ask him?

[cautious]

Me and the babys father live 200 miles apart, I have been to visit once in all my pregnancy. And granted we went shopping and he spent close to £200 on babys clothes.

And I know since then he has bought things whilst hes been out etc.

But the problem is he has no idea what baby needs, and I still have a few big products to buy and just not the spare money to do so. We aren't a couple, but we have remained friends. Now I know once baby is born there are things such as csa in place for this kind of thing, though it would be much more preferable to sort it between us. But he eaens an extremely high wage and im not sure how to ask him for money without sounding like im a money grabbing person. But I could really do with him giving me a little each week to finish getting babys things.

Im stuck on how to ask him, advice is most welcome....

 

[Eleanor ace]

Maybe just talk to him and say that you think it would be best to sort out visitation and support before LO arrives, so that you are both happy with the arrangements and things run smoothly from the word go. Say that you would much prefer to sort out an arrangement between yourselves but if he'd feel happier going down the CSA route so that it is all official that is also fine with you. That way you're putting it into his mind that he'll need to provide for LO (which I'm sure he has already thought of) but you're not making big deal and demanding money from him.
hopefully that will open up the conversation and if you're relaxed he will be too. Then you'll probably find a natural opening to mention buying things for LO now. If not you could maybe say "I wanted to say again how much I appreciated you buying LO's clothes, it means a lot to me that you are supporting our baby and it was a real help having you take some of the financial pressure off me". That might make him realise that he could help you more now.

 

[cautious]

Thank you for that, hopefully it will go smoothly. Sounds really silly but I have never asked him for money before, so it made me feel a little nervous.

 

[Eleanor ace]

Its not silly, I'd feel nervous too! Hope it goes Ok

 

[Amour]

I would make a list of everything that still needs to be brought and tally up how much it will cost and decide between you both who buys what or ask for half (or whatever is fair) to go get it.

I personally wouldn't ask for abit of money each week before baby is here as it might not fully cover what needs to be got and it might come across as you wanting abit of money each week for yourself too.

I don't think you should be afraid of asking for money/ things as its both parents responsibility to provide and care for your child.

I hope everything works out for you all!

 

[mandaxx]

Hun he made this baby so you're hardly a money grabber if you've been carrying it around while he has continued with his life. Just be frank and say right, I still need to buy xyz for this baby, what are you going to contribute? Men get off way to lightly and you need to start as you mean to go on with him because they wriggle out of doing everything if you let them xx

 

[katsbump]

If he earns a lot I'd have absolutely no qualms asking him. Even if he didn't earn a lot, it's for his baby, so just emphasise that to yourself and him if it gives you the guilts asking for things. He should be offering but maybe he doesn't know what's required. How about sending him a list of reasonably priced stuff you need that's for baby only, with the prices - car seat, cot, mattress, baby bath, changing table, blankets, sheets, etc. He can choose to pay half or all or you can split the list. Either way, he should at least pay half. Also, discuss now how he will be supporting his child once born as you might get an early indication of whether you'll need to file for child support and get a lawayer to keep him accountable.