How do i reassure my son?

[RachA]

My son is 5 - he'll be 6 in August.

Back at the end of January i went into hospital for a routine op and became seriously ill with septicaemia, it was touch and go on the first night as to if i was going to end up in intensive care but thankfully due to the foresight of the drs they did manage to avoid that.
Daniel came in to visit me a couple of times (i was in for 8 days altogether) and i wasn't in the best way but he really wanted to see me and i felt mean saying no.
I then spent a couple of nights and my parents and since then i've been home but not really able to do much. I am unable to take him to school or pick him up at the moment as i just can't manage the 2 mile round trip, we have to walk.

Anyway, i know he's been upset about me and he is naturally a very sensitive boy. But yesterday he told me when i put him to bed that the night before he'd dreamed that the whole family apart from him had died He is obviously very worried about this. Since i was in hospital he hasn't really liked leaving me. He goes to school no problem and he does things like go to my sisters with her daughter after school (he is there now in fact) as i can't have both of my children at home with me on my own (honestly i feel like such a rubbish parent at the moment). But if we are all at home and OH needs to go out to the supermarket etc then Daniel will nearly always opt to stay home with me rather than go out, but before all of this happened he would always go out.
He has always been sensitive anyway - he won't watch Ice Age 1 as the baby gets left behind etc and the story of Moses in the bible upsets him as Moses is put in the basket and is taken away from his mummy.

Sorry for the rather long post i just wanted to give as much info as possible.

I'm really not sure how to go about reassuring him. I can't say to him 'don't worry mummy's not going to die' because quite obviously i can't control that and if anything did happen to me then he would be in a worse mess.
I am in serious need of a short break in the sun to try and give myself a kick-start but there is no way i can take Daniel with me as he's at school but i don't think he'd cope if i wasn't here.

Is it just going to be a case of time healing or can i do anything to help?

 

[isil]

aww. I think young children are often quite preoccupied and worried about death. It's part of maturing and it is a horrible concept to get your head around (I still haven't got mine around it!). I think it will take time and reassurance that you're ok now. Yes something awful could happen but it would be very unexpected and unlikely. Hope he feels better with time.

 

[Mrs Doddy]

I think it will be ok in time, he's obviously worried but when you are better I'm sure he will forget about it

Feel better soon xxxx

 

[RachA]

Thanks. I hope he does grow out of it. While on one hand it's lovely as he is being so caring with me (he comes in our room every morning and gives me a cuddle, i also think he's just checking i'm still here!) on the other hand it is very wearing as i don't seem to be able to do anything without him wanting to tag along or throw a wobbly because he wants to come too.

OH is planning on taking me away for a night or two at the end of May for our anniversary and part of me doesn't want to go because i think it's going to upset Daniel. But then i don't want to not go and for him to think that he can influence us in this way as he's got to learn that we still need to have time just OH and i on our own.

 

[babyhopesxx]

Aww, i hope you get better soon. I agree with Isil that most children become preoccupied with death and they have loads of questions and worries, come to think of it.. so do adults.

I think in time when you start to feel much better he won't be so worried about you and he will slowly forget about your illness.

But in the meantime just keep reassuring him that the doctors will keep making you better

 

[seoj]

The first time I ever worried about dying I was maybe 6-7yrs. I remember a friend at school passed (so sad)- and people at our house to offer support and comfort. My mom was just very honest with me- but kept it age appropriate and told me I had many many years ahead before I'd ever need to worry about it. It wasn't really what she said though- just knowing she heard me and took my concerns seriously and offered me comfort meant the most. I think just her allowing me to get out my fears- then reassure me all would be Ok. I mean, you can never guarantee it- but kids just need to hear it.

I would just listen when he talks about it- and tell him your doing good now, that you will be here for him and in time he will get back to his normal routine. He just needs a bit more reassurance and time with you now I'm sure.

Hope your 100% soon hun! Big hugs

 

[Mrs Doddy]

You could still call him so he knows your ok ?