How do use cope,,,

[babypink2010]

It was my sisters birthday we went to my mums for dinner, my other pregnant sister didn't come,,,,,everyone was sitting round the table including my hubby, Just having a laugh about how my sister is the golden child and the favourite of the family whom has 3 children, only joking,
My mum comes out you don't have favourites when you have children, you wouldn't know, And turns to my sister asking whom her favorite is for a joke, I burst into tears and went to the toliet trying to hide it.

I am not close to my mother and haven't told her, or anyone really,,,

Not only this but my sister is due on Friday, I have to go shopping for a new baby outfit and take it down i dont think i can cope,,

We are not a close family,,, I don't think i am up for going down seeing a new born bab am having such a hard time of this right now,

Do you have any advice? Should I avoid? Put a face on and just pop up,,,How will i manage?

 

[Princess Lou]

If you Mum doesn't know that you aren't TTC then she wouldn't have known that the comment would have upset you. If she had known, she probably wouldn't have made the comment.

In regards to your sister, you may not be close but it will still upset her if you don't go to see her. I am not overly close with my sister and we lost our mum over two year ago, she is due to give birth in November and has asked me to be her birthing partner. I live in a different country to my sister so it would be easy for me to refuse her request, but that would be very upsetting to her. She also knows that we have been TTC for over three years and it was very hard for her to ask me.

Think about how this will affect your sister, how would you feel if the roles were reversed? You could also confide in her about why it is hard for you, she may be very supportive and also likely not to throw her baby at you so to speak.

If they don't know, they can't help.

X

 

[Armywife84]

In your mother's defense, if she doesn't have the slightest clue you're struggling to conceive then you can't hold that insensitive comment against her.

I know I'm going to send like a betch for this, but I avoid pregnant women at all costs. If they're my friends then I give myself distance. Family members are a little harder, but if you actually clue them in on your struggle, you'll find that most are sympathetic and try to understand how you're feeling. Now if they don't try to understand how you're feeling and immediately call you selfish, then that's their problem..not yours. Unfortunately, I had a falling out with my pregnant SIL. She didn't even try to understand how I feel.

I'm not saying write them off, you shouldn't. Clue them in to what you're going thru and hope that they understand. Instead of going shopping for an outfit, have your DH pick up a gift card from a baby boutique or department store. Visit your new niece and nephew when you're ready to digest this change. They need time to rest and get into a routine anyways.

 

[mjemma]

It's my 30th birthday in a few weeks and I am going home for a family meal. My sister, who is 6 months pregnant, will be there and I am dreading it. I am happy for her and want to see her but know my birthday dinner is going to be littered with baby talk and I am going to have to put on a brave face.

I have tried to change my mindset and focus on the joy of having a new nephew and, although it is still difficult, it has really helped. I have also found it much easier since I have told family and friends about our situation. TTC can be very lonely and even more so if you cut yourself off from people.

 

[Sizzles]

No advice, but wanted you to know I know how you feel.
I haven't reached the stage of limiting contact with pg peeps and babies yet. In fact in a way I seek them out - slightly sado masachistic some might say! I love to know what's going on with peoples pregnancies, but at the same time it hurts so much. I also wander around the baby section of clothes shops, and have even been known to make purchases - for a friend of course! (they're in a drawer.)
Today I am spending time with my pg friend, who will be announcing to another friend. I smile and join in with the conversation (been there for announcements to others), but I'm insanely jealous (though delighted for her at the same time) and just want it to be me. In fact I want it to be me AND her, so we can be pg together.
I know it shouldn't make a difference, but she's several years younger than me and they took v little time to conceive and to me it does make a difference. She knows we're ttc, but she can't understand how I feel when it came so easy to her.
Sorry I seem to have hijacked the thread, but, as you can see, I understand!

 

[rosebud_01_99]

hi,

that was a very hurtfull comment to have to hear at a family dinner, ive had a lot of those type of comments frm my mum as well and she knows about my probs, i had to have a massive row with her to get her to stop, she just dosnt understand how hurtfull it is.

re visiting ur sis u will feel so powerfull afterwards as you have done it, i feel its worse to put it off ect as i almost feel i have to prove to myself i can do it , i still cry afterwards tho. but i only visit newborns if i have to eg if its close family, i also avoid pg women at all costs , but thats natural as every gesture they make ect is rubbing it in to me that its someting i will never have .

good luck with it all

rosebud

 

[mlyn26]

Awww hun, sorry for the insensitive comment, i'd tell my mum to avoid any further made like that.

I would also go see the new baby. Put on a face if you need to. I always find nieces/nephews the next best thing and am so close to mine. I get a lot of joy from seeing them/spending time with them if that makes sense? x

 

[Armywife84]

One more thing, if this is your first time having nieces/nephews..they do help. But you have to allow yourself time and perhaps a little space from your sisters to adjust to their new addition. Once you get past that, having nieces and nephews is actually pretty rewarding. Not to mention it's good practice, and can even satisfy that baby fever for a bit. Getting to that point is a struggle, but as long as you make it known to your family what's going on with you. They will hopefully cut you a little slack.

 

[babypink2010]

Thanks everyone for your comments, My sister had my niece today, I am now an auntie to 7, yes 7,

It did make me feel good to hold her in my arms, Shes lovely I feel gulity for not wanting to go now but so glad i did, I am home now had a cry to myself on the drive home and picked my self up,,, It will happen for us,,,

Got a few more comments from others that should ken better but they are getting brushed off,

I do wish I could be a mum before becoming an auntie again, even tho I love them so,,,

I have no idea what i would do without this forum and others to talk to, It feels so good to ken that your not alone,,,,,,thanks again i needed that push x

 

[rosebud_01_99]

so glad to hear u went , that was very brave and i bet it wasnt as bad as u feared it would be , hell it couldnt have been as bad as when i visited my last neice 2yr ago in hospital, another relation was there holding the baby and when my sis in law said to me do you want to hold her the other relation said dont let her have her she will prob run off with her coz she has none of her own! and in follow up to that she gave a few stories of how men she knew left their wives as they couldnt have children or had mistresses who had children for them. i just about crawled out on my belly and cried the whole way home.

since that i dont visit new arrivals in hospital anymore i wait till they home and i know no one else will be there with helpfull!! comments.

rosebud