How do you cope with disrespectful grandma (ex mil)? help!

[PinkLady17]

Id like to hear your experiences and opinions, and how many times a month you think these women should see our children?? or do you leave that responsibility to the dad?

This woman every time that comes to visit she's disrespectful towards me; that said, i am not with her son anymore and she thinks she's still entitled to criticize me and tell me what to do in my house.... i turn my back and leave her talking alone, but still, every time she comes i end up feeling like I ran a marathon.

that said, my baby is 7 months old, and she asked for the child to be taken to her house without me with a nanny.... of course i said no.... (note: she does not live far away, she is sadly across the street like Marie in Everybody Loves Raymond)

If my kid tells me: "I wanna go with grandma to......" of course I will not deny it..... but meanwhile my child is still a baby, and I don't see the point of being alone outside the house with this woman. I think that is common sense.

 

[LastBabyforMe]

My daughter's grandmother(RIP) did not like me either. She was okay to me in my face, but she wanted the FOB with another girl so she would say disparaging things about me to him. Him being such a nice person would come back and tell me. One day after he cheated on me, I lost my cool(I was always raised to respect those older than me) and said to her "Well he has taken your advice and gone to someone else now, thank you so much". She then "went off" on me as she felt awkward knowing then that I knew the remarks she made about me.

From then on I did not honor her requests for me to bring my daughter to her. Then I moved two counties away and lost touch with FOB and his entire family. Maybe several years later, I received a call from my father saying he had gotten into a verbal exchange with my daughter's FOB because he called my parent's house and said "Let me speak to that b&88h daughter of yours, my grandma is dead and her last wish was to see Chastity". My dad gave him a cursing like no other but I could not help but feel remorse for having deprived the woman of seeing my daughter one last time. At that moment I realized that when we make the choice of having children with some of these men we cannot control the actions of their family members.

Essentially what I am saying is, that at some point you will be able to gauge just how much your LO's grandmother cares for her. If at seems that she is an ally to your LO perhaps you can "grin and bear it" for the sake of having a good ally for your LO.

I am sorry that she makes you feel uncomfortable and is rude. I hope this situation gets better soon.

 

[Natsku]

If my ex-MIL (and FIL) want to see Maria they can do it when her dad has her (although honestly I'm not happy about them seeing her at all but I know its up to her dad). They certainly won't be getting any invites to her birthday parties.

 

[PinkLady17]

Thanks!

well, I will invite them to the birthdays and all that... but what Ive thought was to tell my ex to deal with his mom; it's his responsibility to make her see her grandchild, not mine...although im not really happy of her seeing my kid... i don't have problems with my ex... but his mom is a piece of work.

 

[Natsku]

I would definitely leave it up to your ex. My ex has his own birthday celebrations for Maria to which he invites his own family so I don't feel bad about not inviting them to mine, I just don't want to ever see them again as they did some really bad things.

 

[AmethystDream]

You do not have a responsibility to put up with disrespectful people from his family. If FOB wants LO to have a relationship with your child, he will make sure it happens.

I understand that you are really trying to be well meaning and doing the best for your little one but hearing this crone verbally rip into their Mother and denigrate their home is not good for LO or you.

You are no longer connected to this woman and any responsibility to foster a relationship between her and your child falls firmly on the shoulders of your ex and no one else.

Free yourself and protect your munchkin. In my book if you don't respect the parent, you don't get access to the child anyway but in this circumstance, it isn't on your shoulders anyway. Imagine the relief when you know that exMIL will no longer be in your home.