How do you cope with operations? I'm a wreck.

[jen1604]

As the title says, Barnaby has the first of his cleft operations in November and I'm already getting upset over it daily.

I have so many worries. My main one obviously is him being in pain during recovery. He's so small and I hate that he won't understand whats going on.

Another thing really upsetting me is I know everyone will comment after how great he looks. To me,he is perfect and beautiful now. I already hate hearing 'they can do amazing things in surgery' and I know hearing how everyone thinks he looks so much better post-surgery is going to break my heart. That's silly, isn't it? I am going to miss his face as it is now so much. I'm taking pictures all the time to remember it and our cleft psychologist has actually said this is completely normal for the mothers to feel this way and struggle this much but I know 'outside' people won't get it.

How do you get through operations without just crying everywhere? Any tips or advice that help you? x

 

[anita665]

My son had an op on his eyes. He had a turn in both of them. I actually wasn't expecting it but once it was corrected I did miss it. The turn was a part of him and to me it made him super cute. Still you will adjust and other people just mean well so try not to read into their comments.

As for getting through the op, it's hard. The anaesthetic is the worse part. I don't know how they will do it for you but when my son went in ages 2 1/2 you had to hold them and having them go floppy in your arms is horrible. Just thinking about it upsets me a bit. You know it's normal and they're in safe hands but it just gets to you. Every mother was coming back from the anaesthetic room in tears.

I don't have any advice because I think you find your own way to cope. You just have to but you are far from alone.

 

[amygwen]

It's completely normal, Jen

I felt the same way. My LO was 2.5 months old when he had his cleft lip repair. I was so heartbroken prior to the surgery thinking about it. It made me so sad because I loved his smile the way it was and didn't want it to change. It actually broke my heart to have his face change so drastically, but you do get used to it. I was petrified to see what he'd look like after birth because I didn't think he'd look the same, but he definitely did and 1 day after his surgery, he smiled and of course, that made me fall in love with his 'new' smile all over again.

It's hard watching our babies go through pain like surgeries. But it's so much easier to get it done when their little because they don't remember at all. The only ones who really have to go through any pain or stress is ourselves and for now that's great until they're older having surgeries!

Also, I cried my eyes out like a big baby the night before surgery, I couldn't sleep so I cried and during the day I cried too. Even afterwards, after I knew he was OK and had woken up, it was just absolutely petrifying. I was an absolute mess on surgery day and I remember a lot of people around me being a mess too because they were obviously in a similar situation. If you need to cry then cry!

 

[Mrsmitch80]

Hi,

My daughter has had 5 operations between the ages of 6 and 18 months. The best advice I can give is force yourself not to think about it otherwise it can consume you. Honestly children recover far far better from ops than adults, keep on top of the pain relief, even if that means regularly asking for it in hospital. Once home we weaned our daughter off calpol slowly so we knew that she was comfortable.

People are saying what they probably think you want to hear, I remember being upset when my friends said they couldn't watch children's hospital because seeing children going to theatre was too upsetting! I thought, that's all I do at the moment!!

My daughter had an op on her spine, a colostomy and then closure etc, I have taken before and after photos, I have pics of her colostomy along with pics of her talipes in her foot before it was corrected. I think they are important not only for us but for my daughter to see when she's older, she has lots of scars and will ask about them so I want to be able to show her. It's so understandable that you want pics, that's how your beautiful baby looks now and did when he was born, you don't have to forget. Just see after the op as a new phase in all of your lives.

I really struggled with the thought of my daughters colostomy after all she was going to have some of her insides on the outside for 6 months. Her surgeon put his arm around me and said no matter what she's still the same little girl, that really stuck with me.

Take care and I hope all goes well xxx

 

[jen1604]

It's completely normal, Jen

I felt the same way. My LO was 2.5 months old when he had his cleft lip repair. I was so heartbroken prior to the surgery thinking about it. It made me so sad because I loved his smile the way it was and didn't want it to change. It actually broke my heart to have his face change so drastically, but you do get used to it. I was petrified to see what he'd look like after birth because I didn't think he'd look the same, but he definitely did and 1 day after his surgery, he smiled and of course, that made me fall in love with his 'new' smile all over again.

It's hard watching our babies go through pain like surgeries. But it's so much easier to get it done when their little because they don't remember at all. The only ones who really have to go through any pain or stress is ourselves and for now that's great until they're older having surgeries!

Also, I cried my eyes out like a big baby the night before surgery, I couldn't sleep so I cried and during the day I cried too. Even afterwards, after I knew he was OK and had woken up, it was just absolutely petrifying. I was an absolute mess on surgery day and I remember a lot of people around me being a mess too because they were obviously in a similar situation. If you need to cry then cry!

I've just seen this but thank you, that's so good to hear

I can relate to everything you've said so much, the only way I can describe the feeling knowing how much his face will change is heartbroken,its so bizarrely comforting to know someone else compares it to that too.

Thanks for replying Amygwen xxx

 

[jen1604]

Hi,

My daughter has had 5 operations between the ages of 6 and 18 months. The best advice I can give is force yourself not to think about it otherwise it can consume you. Honestly children recover far far better from ops than adults, keep on top of the pain relief, even if that means regularly asking for it in hospital. Once home we weaned our daughter off calpol slowly so we knew that she was comfortable.

People are saying what they probably think you want to hear, I remember being upset when my friends said they couldn't watch children's hospital because seeing children going to theatre was too upsetting! I thought, that's all I do at the moment!!

My daughter had an op on her spine, a colostomy and then closure etc, I have taken before and after photos, I have pics of her colostomy along with pics of her talipes in her foot before it was corrected. I think they are important not only for us but for my daughter to see when she's older, she has lots of scars and will ask about them so I want to be able to show her. It's so understandable that you want pics, that's how your beautiful baby looks now and did when he was born, you don't have to forget. Just see after the op as a new phase in all of your lives.

I really struggled with the thought of my daughters colostomy after all she was going to have some of her insides on the outside for 6 months. Her surgeon put his arm around me and said no matter what she's still the same little girl, that really stuck with me.

Take care and I hope all goes well xxx

Thank you so much

What a brave little girl to have been through all that,you must be so proud of her.
And thank you for the advice on pain relief too,I had wondered about that and how I'll know when he needs pain relief but I guess we'll soon figure out once we're at that point and will definitely not be shy to make sure he has enough medicine to keep him comfortable. xxx

 

[amygwen]

It's completely normal, Jen

I felt the same way. My LO was 2.5 months old when he had his cleft lip repair. I was so heartbroken prior to the surgery thinking about it. It made me so sad because I loved his smile the way it was and didn't want it to change. It actually broke my heart to have his face change so drastically, but you do get used to it. I was petrified to see what he'd look like after birth because I didn't think he'd look the same, but he definitely did and 1 day after his surgery, he smiled and of course, that made me fall in love with his 'new' smile all over again.

It's hard watching our babies go through pain like surgeries. But it's so much easier to get it done when their little because they don't remember at all. The only ones who really have to go through any pain or stress is ourselves and for now that's great until they're older having surgeries!

Also, I cried my eyes out like a big baby the night before surgery, I couldn't sleep so I cried and during the day I cried too. Even afterwards, after I knew he was OK and had woken up, it was just absolutely petrifying. I was an absolute mess on surgery day and I remember a lot of people around me being a mess too because they were obviously in a similar situation. If you need to cry then cry!

I've just seen this but thank you, that's so good to hear

I can relate to everything you've said so much, the only way I can describe the feeling knowing how much his face will change is heartbroken,its so bizarrely comforting to know someone else compares it to that too.

Thanks for replying Amygwen xxx

It's actually really really really normal to feel that way. I'm on a forum for cleft lip mommas and when my LO's surgery was coming up, I told them how worried I was about his face changing and they completely understood. I'm not sure if you're interested in joining, but they know exactly what we're going through, it's amazing! I rarely post on there, only usually when I have a question so it's comforting to know there's others out there like us.

https://community.babycenter.com/groups/a56125/cleft_lipcleft_palate

You're so welcome. Always here for you!