How do you cope with...

[Linzi]

your OH not being ready?

I'm struggling, I love him to pieces and I would never leave him over this but I feel crushed. I was ok for the first few days but now, I just cant work out how I feel about it. Just feel gutted.

We were trying for 5 months, had referrals to gynecologists in place for PCOS(waited 4 months for first appointment, 4 months for next one) and started taking folic acid, preparing for a new baby etc.

Its so silly to be upset but I just have felt on the verge of tears all day. I dont want to force or rush him into it because thats not right, but I just feel ready.

I know theres a lot of ladies in the same boat, how do you deal with it and be understanding? x

 

[Mrschoochoo]

Well from my point of view Seething unspoken resentment, occasional silent treatment and throwing myself into home DIY.
Sorry I cant be more helpful on being understanding, I have always been truthfull with my OH about wanting kids once we were married, if only he had been more truthfull about what he wanted instead of just agreeing then bottling it in the first month of trying.

 

[lozzy21]

I dont know how you deal with it, you just have to.
Try to busy your self with other things and make the most of seth.

 

[lovehearts]

a lot of moaning and moping! lol but seriously i vent a lot to my best friend - she is really understanding and really talks sense in to me! I do bring it up with oh and he knows how i feel about it all. xx

 

[mandaa1220]

i agree.. temporarilly focus on other things that you can do before ttc again.
it's hard, but you'll manage. when is he saying he wants to ttc?
hun

 

[Linzi]

He doesnt want to. He hasnt put a date, he said he doesnt know if he ever wants another one. So Im not WTT, Im just nothing. Just thought a few ladies in here might be able to give me some advice or listen to me complain

I dont want to be arsey with him, because its not his fault and it doesnt change the way I feel about him at all, I just want to be able to deal with it myself without putting the pressure on him just not sure how I do that.

Im going to have to get a hobby! x

 

[Linzi]

also to add, I could possibly be pregnant this month as we hit all the right times at OV but I doubt it seriously x

 

[mandaa1220]

my OH told me i needed a hobby back in february and that's when i found bnb...
complain as much as you'd like... it's hard, especially when you love someone so much and it's really not his fault that he doesnt' want more children, but it sure is frustrating i bet!

 

[Lou]

hey Linzi,

I haven't got a babba, but im in a similar boat. I have PCOS and my gynea has already said that TTC will be a long hard slog for us and that we'll likely need help when it comes to conceiving... added to that, OH is ready, he's told me hes ready, but he doesn't want them yet... he said he doesnt want to even try until i have a full time job... now that im going back to uni (after a year out) to do my PGCE that means the earliest I can try is in about 2.5 years.

Its soo hard isnt it hunni, especially with the added worry of how long it'll take due to the PCOS!! One of the only things thats getting me through this long hard slog is my niece and nephew and godson.. I absolutely love spending time with them so I just try to busy myself with uni work, them and friends.

xxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[lozzy21]

Rant away hun, Im sure he will change his mind when seth is a little older.

 

[Linzi]

Yeah maybe he will,the reasons I think he's changed his mind are things that might fizzle out soon, but they might not. One was MIL saying stupid things, like we aren't ready arent financially stable blahblah. We aren't at this moment in time, but we've just moved house, Christmas, nursery fees are going up (then coming down in June) and he's just got a new job. He listens to her, not me

Im just concerned becaue I dont think my Dr at the hospital will want to see me if we're not trying and it's taken so long to get to see him as it is, I dont want to have to wait again if we have to. I also know NOTHING about PCOS. I dont think I have it but I cant be certain. I just want to know one way or another, and I want to know exactly how hard it will be to conceive again, and if its something that will get harder as I get older and that sort of thing.

I have Seth and Im so grateful for him, he's my little world, but I want him to be a big brother. He's so loving he'd be a great big brother. I feel guilty for him being lonely at home.

x

 

[RainbowMum]

My GF never really thought about having children before meeting me as she would never ive birth to one herself. But I'm all about babies and she knew right from the beginning that I would want to have children with her one day in the not so distant future ;-)

I keep talking about babies but she says we should wait (but doesn't give a time frame) as we don't have a place of our own or have saved thousands of pounds...
I am only starting work again in January so hoping to save lots of money for a couple of IUIs and want to start talking to a fertilty clinic at the end of 2010

I just read lots of BnB to stay sane ;-)

 

[barbarap]

Hello,
I never wanted a baby and when we got married we agreed we wouldn't. But now I'm 38 (39 on Wed!!) and something inside of me has changed.
My husband is very upset, he says it's not fair I changed my mind and he cannot understand why. I've told him I cannot explain it either.
It's like, in the past I thought I didn't want kids but at the same time, it was my choice not to have them. Now that I' nearly 40 I think, oh my god, at some point it won't be my choice any more and I feel like it's now or never.
He says I'm putting pressure on him but I'm telling him it's because of my age.
I don't know, he's focusin only on the negatives of having a baby, I tell him he isn't giving it a fair chance.
We had a talk on Sat and he seems a bit open to the idea.
I haven't threaten to leave him but he thinks I will because I won't be able to forgive him. The way I'm coping is trying to be patient (which is totally unlike me) and being lovely to him and try to act normal, showing him how much he would lose if I wasn't in his life (which he acknowledges) and just tell him now and then that I think we would be a happy family and what a great dad I think he will/would be.
Sorry to go on and on...
B.

 

[Linzi]

ladies you sound like you're all having a tough time, its nice that theres people who understand.

I think my hubby thinks because Im on BnB all the time Im baby obsessed which Im not, don't think he gets that not only is there a lot of support and people who are in the same boat who I might not normally meet in real life, but I like to keep in touch with people who I consider as my friends and like to follow their TTC/pregnancy/parenting journeys iykwim? He seems to think I need a break from here but its not gonna happen lol x

 

[lozzy21]

ladies you sound like you're all having a tough time, its nice that theres people who understand.

I think my hubby thinks because Im on BnB all the time Im baby obsessed which Im not, don't think he gets that not only is there a lot of support and people who are in the same boat who I might not normally meet in real life, but I like to keep in touch with people who I consider as my friends and like to follow their TTC/pregnancy/parenting journeys iykwim? He seems to think I need a break from here but its not gonna happen lol x

Iv had that of my OH so i tryed not to go on is as much but i then irritated him that much he gave up in the end and told me just to go on.

Maybe when money is better you could bring it up with him since he dosent have that excuse anymore.