How do you deal with leaving LO with FOB?

[Jennifurball]

I have agreed tomorrow Scarlett can spend 2 hours at FOB's house. Being with him is doing me no good, he is messing with my head, talking about getting back together then I never hear from him, I am sick of his selfish mind games.

Having said that, I am dreading letting her go. I have never left her or let anyone take her before. His mum and dad will be there and his nephew. I am so scared she will hurt herself and I am not there.

Please give me some words of wisdom. I know I need a rest at some point, and she is at nursery in a couple of weeks so I know I need to get used to sharing her with others.

 

[lemontree12]

i know it would kill me leaving her with fob, because i would not trust him at all.
but im really looking forward to leaving her at nursery, i work at the same nursery, so i know shes going to love it, and i think its really important for her to learn for other people to meet her needs and the social interaction with other children. also i think its important that we start to have small amounts of time apart, because im finding myself needing her more than she needs me. i left her with a friend last week while i had a date, it killed me watching her get in her car, i felt like an awful mother and i missed her the whole time, then i let her sleep in my bed that night because i felt i neglected her. when my friend told me she loved it, was as good as gold playing with her friend.
thats how i know shes ready for nursery. because i work with children i see so many parents come in and are actually more upset than the child about leaving them.
how much will she be attending nursery?

 

[lemontree12]

ooh i i thought that, i keep thinking if fob wanted to see her, iv thought about what if they hurt her, because all of his family, wanted me to have an abortion, i would think they where going to hurt her.
thats my head overeacting

 

[Jennifurball]

She will be in nursery twice a week and with my mum once a week. I am not overly worried about nursery as I am with them, because I genuinely feel they do not care what my rules are, and do everything the opposite of what I ask.

 

[lemontree12]

ooh yes i know what you mean, the nursery my friends little girl goes to, she also works there and the staff think because you work there they can be relaxed on things, like think its ok not to tell you what they have done all day, because you work there, rather than thinking that your a paying parent also. i work in a surestart, so its pretty good there. and i guess i dont really have any rules regarding my little one, im too laid back for my own good. so as long as she has a good time, and well looked after then im happy also
how often is your ex asking to have scarlett? and does he live far?

 

[Shezza84uk]

I would never allow anyone to take my baby until he is 2 same applied to DD reason being is that if your child gets hurt you will not know as a baby they could drop her bump her head it just don't sit well with me. Sorry I am not much help but I just couldn't unless its my mum and aunt because I know if something happen they wouldn't try to cover it up x

 

[lemontree12]

I would never allow anyone to take my baby until he is 2 same applied to DD reason being is that if your child gets hurt you will not know as a baby they could drop her bump her head it just don't sit well with me. Sorry I am not much help but I just couldn't unless its my mum and aunt because I know if something happen they wouldn't try to cover it up x

errm i dont agree with this sorry but shes already so anxious leaving her, that could make her feel worse, i know every mum is different with who they leave them with, but hef is her dad and it wuld help her. mayb not sleeping over night till 2 i can get that but not being alone till 2. sorry for me i just dont agree

but i would suggest little steps, i work in a nursery and we do settling in visits, first time parent stays, second time wait in reception third time leave the building. but you could it like that, in your own way. so when your meeting up for coffee you could leave him with scarlett to nip to your car, and just build up the time in your own time and when your comfortable, until your ready to leave her for the set amount of time.

 

[Shezza84uk]

Agree to disagree , the issue I have is if I don't trust someone I simply can't leave my baby with them at all nurseries are fine because they have an accident book and accidents need to be reported, they are also goverened with policies in place etc.

I just don't think I would trust someone who is an ex drinker or otherwise until i can hand on heart say he has my childs best interest at heart, baby steps is correct but it starts with supervision to maybe 30mins to the park progressing to an hour and so on not every father is responsible and OP have stated he was not the most responsible person when living together, I work in healthcare and its seen too often when a child gets hurt no one speaks up out of fear or simply thinking nothing of it leaving child to not be seen to in time I know that is a worst case scenario but as a baby they are so fragile I just couldn't imagine my baby being safer with anyone besides people I trust 100%

 

[lemontree12]

i work in a nursery and iv totally forgot to write a form, because youve dealt with the child and another child needs me to do something, and before you know it its slipped my mind, this is a common thing in every nursery. i know one nursery that left a child outside by mistake, its more common than you think. nurseries are so busy and it unpredctable what can happen you prioties. although if it was a major thing the parent would be called, i was talking about minor things.
but he is the babies dad and you cant say you can only see her if im around, if she feels strongly about it, it would have to be arranged in a contact centre.

if fob was around, i wouldnt just hand my baby over, id have to be there to begin with, but once i knew both were comfortable i would be leaving them to it to build a father daughter relationship.

personally i think it would cause tension by basically letting him no you dont trust him, if you build up a relationship as parents to the baby, then he wll feel open to discuss what they done that day, but if theirs tension, he wont say anything.

 

[omfgski]

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[Jennifurball]

Well it's done!

I was a nervous wreck beforehand, his mum was an ignorant bitch, didn't even acknowledge me. Scarlett was fine, she enjoyed herself and he dropped her back when he said he would, I feel more confident about it now.x

 

[lemontree12]

glad it went ok,
that really childish of his mum. it will get easier in time

 

[Jennifurball]

Think I deserve a bit more respect as her mum TBH, my friend was with me and saw her and said OMG what a stuck up bitch. So true.

FOB was very thankful though when he was going for letting him take her. He came back with a big pack of nappies too.

 

[lemontree12]

im a true believer that playing nice works, if your nice he will be nice too.
i bet it was hard to let her go, i know i wouldnt rest. but it will get easier

you took a big step, well done

 

[Jennifurball]

Yes it was very difficult but my friend took me for lunch and it took my mind off it, we had a good time and it was soon over! Knowing she was settled there helped a great deal.

 

[lemontree12]

im glad and i bet it was nice to have some time to yourself
im hoping my little brother moves to my area to give me a break here and there