How do you find purpose again?

[DobbyForever]

Hi everyone...

I'm struggling to see the purpose is everything. I hate my job, I hate my friends, I love SO but I just feel empty. I don't know what the point is of anything anymore. My therapists say just take these meds (which I won't) or get a hobby or it's okay to feel that way... but nothing about how to not feel this way. I can't "get a hobby" because it takes all of my energy to just get out of bed. I have anxiety, too so I have this cycle of not wanting to get out of bed but my anxiety stresses out that I'm sucking at my job which makes me more depressed which makes me suck at my job more... you get the picture. Nobody knows what to say. I just get be happy, you'll get pregnant again in the future/you're young, and it was just cells... I don't know how to care about anything anymore. I'm so tired. All the time. How do you ladies manage to stay strong? Because I'm running out of steam fast.

 

[Trying4first1]

Hi Dobby
So sorry that you are feeling this way. I was exactly the same after my second loss really struggled with life, I had no interest in anything or anyone. I had lost friends as I found out who people really were. It was awful so I know exactly where you are coming from.
Yesterday I had a D&C for my third loss in a row. I have no children. So far I am very at peace but I know that can all turn on its head as the months go on. Especially as we now know so many pregnant people and the fact they we have had to make the decision to stop trying as we are having lots of investigations now including genetic testing. All of which will take months and months. Then on top of that falling pregnant took as nine months last time so we know that it's a long road ahead.
Have you tried seeing a councilor? I saw one afrer my second loss and I found that it really helped and what I was feeling was normal. I no longer felt like my feelings were bad. I did some CBT with her and gradually got into doing thngs in life that I used to enjoy. I very slowly went back to the gym, which I found helped a lot as it boosted my mood. I also joined slimming world and managed to loose 23ibs in weight. This is something I am going to do again as I have put on 6ibs in this pregnancy.
I suggest trying something new each day. Just have one small target. Even if it's something silly like make sure I get up and have a walk around the block, text a friend, make sure the washing is sorted out etc. I used to struggle with household management so I set myself a house target each day. It really helped and again I worked with my councilor in this.
Most importantly speak to people you trust. Find out who is a good listener and confide in them. Sometimes I found that speaking loads helped me and lifted a great weight off my chest.
I hope this all helps 💗

 

[hopie2015]

Hi Dobby,
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I can totally relate. I had a loss at almost 10 weeks last winter. That was my 2nd m/c. I really thought it was meant to be. I was in the most miserable job, I had just lost and then we got the good news at Christmas time. Everything felt perfect and then at a scan it all fell apart. My mother soon after had a heart attack and was in the hospital for months and my dad also got ill. I lost friends because as Just said above, I found out who they really were. I had nobody really except for my OH, who thankfully is great. But it is a lot of burden on him probably only having him. So I went to therapy. Counseling helped a lot and like Just said, I did CBT. It works on changing the negative thought patterns to more positive ones.
There are books for working on anxiety, such as the Anxiety and Fear Workbook- for as little as $10.00 online. The books helped me also beat the depression. I did positive affirmations. I started working out every day -- yoga and breathing really helped and pilates. And some days I just walked for hours.

I ditto all of Just1's excellent advice above.

I didnt want to take meds either. And if therapist just keeps saying it is okay to feel this way- it is true for a while, but they can't let you stay in feeling this way for too long. If a therapist isn't proactive enough, please find a new one. Some times it takes a few tries as I believe some just let you sit there and talk away and collect their money, without ever giving you helpful guidance. Tell them you want them to be active and set up a plan together to get yourself to a better place with improvements each week.

I'm sorry the job is terrible. I bet once you are feeling better you can take steps to find a new job.

I am so sorry for your loss. For now keep your SO close to you, pamper yourself, treat yourself like gold as you deserve. I never did that before but finally learned to after this past rough year and it really helps.

Take good care~~

 

[lostmom]

Hi there

I hope what I say will be of some comfort to you right now, years ago I went through a traumatic time in my life, looking back it actually wasnt that bad!! My doctor at the time prescribed me anti depressants and remember looking at the tablets and thinking do I want to start this journey? I put the tablets in the bin/garbage and moved on and seen a therapist, talking really helped.

Fast forward 15 years and my father died very suddenly, I went to my doctor (current doctor who is excellent) and i told him I couldnt sleep, eat, see the pupose in life!! I was in total shock and thought he would give me something to medicate me.. but no he told me I had to go through every emotion I felt, face it head on and deal with it, and no medicine in the world can make you deal with loss, and it can only elevate you for sometime.. I remeber walking out thinking he was so mean but you know what, I started to deal with my loss as hard as it was. Trust me there are times I can feel truely heart broken about my Dad but this is a natural feeling to have with loss.

Fast forward again to toady, I'm back at work after a MMC 11 weeks 6 days, my body feels physically well but my head and heart isnt even trying to get back to “Normal” feels crappy I hate even being back at work (and I love my job!!) I know how you feel with people saying stuff like that “just get be happy, you'll get pregnant again in the future/you're young, and it was just cells...” I get your lucky your not going through the menopause, maybe its a bit too late to think about another child, be thankful you have one, god works in mysteries ways, everything happens for a reason!!The list goes on!!

You are probably feeling anger right now and evaluating everything in your life and questioning everything this is totally normal. As for work trust me ive done almost every job in history in my working career a job doesn't define who you are, unless you are a brain surgeon but I guess even then you could always change your feild of expertise!!

Take this time in your life to evaluate, let you be your hobby work on yourself and where you want to go and dont worry about friends if you hate them right now there is probably a reason its actually very profound that in a time of loss you get some amount of clarity, take each day and be easy on yourself

if you need to chat anytime i'm here xx

 

[DVCGIRL]

Hi Dobby,

I know exactly how you feel. On Jan 25 we went to hear the heartbeat and it wasn't there and baby only measured 6w, I was 9w6d. I've never felt such emptiness in my life. Everyday is a struggle to do anything other than lay on the couch. My hubby and I are going to a support group at the hospital where my Obgyn is at. I'm praying that it starts the healing process. Maybe that's something you can try? I wish I had some magical cure for you....and myself included. Each day is a struggle for me too. It's pretty bad when people say "wow you look awful. Are you doing ok"? I know how you feel about taking the meds. But if you feel like you are at your wits end could you maybe ask your dr for the mildest thing out there? Maybe it will be what you need to start healing but not get as much negative side effects? If you need to talk I'm here. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Xoxo

 

[theiska]

Hey sweety, been there done that. Sounds to me like you might have a hormonal imbalance or nutritional deficiency. Ask for bloodwork. Maybe they can nail something down. I agree with not taking the pharmaceuticals, but supplements might be beneficial. Good luck!

 

[DobbyForever]

Thank you, all off you. I'm sorry I did not come back and reply sooner. I did read your messages, and they really helped me. I had another breakdown, and I almost lost myself. Thankfully, I have family that deals with bipolar, depression, and anxiety so my grandfather and brother were ultimately about to say that one thing that is the difference between giving up and fighting. I reached out to my therapist again, and thanks to your kind words of encouragement I'm really going to try hard to be happy again. We're starting easy. Walking my dogs every day again. Getting my job back on track.

I have high anxiety disorder and growing up in/ around grandparents/uncles with bipolar I'm prone to manic depressive episodes although I'm not depressed. It just can be triggered by high;y stressful. traumatic events. I usually can cope with just familial support and exercise, but this time I just got knocked so far down in every aspect of my life I just couldn't get up for a while. But I think now that I'm talking to my therapist and we have a plan things will get better with time.

 

[theiska]

Yesterday I read up on MTHFR C677T homozygous mutations being very strongly linked to all the psychiatric conditions you mention, because I am heterozygous for the mutation. Not sure there is a correlation in me or not. Research isn't available as far as I can tell, but the homozygous mutations can cause miscarriage as well. Heterozygous mutation MIGHT. If you miscarry more than once you might want to get checked for it. *hugs*

 

[DobbyForever]

Thank you. I actually know why I lost each of my pregnancies and they are all unrelated to genetics. They were more situational. The most recent was stress from my boss (she has caused three teachers to quit/ take sabbaticals in the last 5 years), the one before that I imagine was complications from the birth control we were on when I conceived, the one before that was an oversized ovarian cyst, and the first one was because of my physically abusive, alcoholic ex. So theoretically had the situations been different, things may have ended up viable. But I'll never know.

Part of it was I thought we would hop back on to trying. It took forever to talk my fiancé into trying because his childhood was so messed up. But now he wants a LONG break from trying and I hate having to wait.