How do you let go

[addie25]

My husband and I are carriers for cystic fibrosis and didn't know till after I was pregnant. The baby had he disease. Pregnancy ended 14 weeks. Found out yesterday the baby was a girl! I've wanted a girl my entire life and I am so upset. We r doing ivf to make sure with genetic testing the next baby is healthy. I want another girl now that I lost one but wud be happy with any healthy child. Do u think I'm going to b upset if I get pregnant with a boy now that I know what I lost. I'm scared I'll never have a girl again. But again I'm grateful genetic testing can give me a health child boy or girl. I just need to let go of the girl idea bc I don't want to be disappointed if we get pregnant with a boy with ivf. Ideally twin boy girl would be great

 

[hollyw79]

I understand what you mean... I think regardless~ you will be SO HAPPY once you hold your baby whether it's a boy or a girl.. and your angel baby girl will forever be in your heart..

I read your post on assisted conception about choosing the sex (I'm in there bc I went thru IUI and will most likely again) and there ARE ways to do it but its very expensive and no guarantee.... I know with IUI can you select as well.. but I always felt that it was up to God to choose- and I just wanted whatever was going to be the healthiest.

how soon will the IVF be for you??

 

[addie25]

I begin ivf as soon as I get my period get an exray to clear me from last pregnancy and probes from the lab are ready so lot of factors hopefully in may or June. We r not going to choose bc they would have to start all over in lab n don't want to mess them up. I'm struggling to believe in god. I've wanted a girl my entire life and one was made to be sick and taken from me I just don't get it!

 

[Lyo28]

I am very sorry for your loss. Very hard but especially so far along.

I have a 50/50 chance of being a carrier but we decided not to find out.

I have to say though - surely a healthy baby is the most important thing, I am quite shocked to read you are worried you will be disapointed to have a boy when so many of us would be so grateful. But it is not for me to judge it just surprises me. Maybe it is because you found out the baby you were carrying is a girl? Either way I am pretty sure that if you found you were carrying a healthy baby you would be over the moon whether it was a boy or girl.

Again sorry for your loss.

 

[addie25]

As I said I would be thrilled with a healthy boy.However. Knowing that I lost a girl makes me want a healthy girl next time. I also mentioned how lucky I feel that genetic testing can give me a healthy boy or girl ( maybe it wasn't In this post I have to look after I submit this) any child is a blessing but when u know what u lost it upsets u and makes u want that same sex the next time. So do not be concerned I will b thrilled with any healthy child.

 

[Lyo28]

I wasn't having a go or anything Addie, on the contrary I genuinely was trying to answer the question "Do u think I'm going to b upset if I get pregnant with a boy now that I know what I lost" and adress this "I don't want to be disappointed if we get pregnant with a boy with ivf".

I think that you seem to be putting an awful lot on getting a girl. I am just worried it may not happen and may be a boy for you and you do seem to be concerned you may be " disapointed" if that is the case.
Personally I don't quite understand the need to favour a sex as I just lost a bay- sex unknown and I would have done anything to keep it. maybe I am overemotional but I would never in a million years be worried I would be dispaointed with a certain sex.

I "DO" understand that you lost a girl so maybe you are feeling this way because of that.

 

[hollyw79]

I don't think you're being overly emotional Lyo~ I think having a baby unwillingly taken away from you makes it a VERY sensitive subject.

addie25~ I think this being the section that it is .. makes the situation different- and I understand why you feel.. but it DID sound a little like you want to "replace" the girl you lost ... like, there should be NO QUESTION that the only thing that matters is the health and success of the pregnancy.. not the sex. Have you thought about maybe talking to a counselor with how you're feeling??? if you're feeling like you will be at a "loss" if you have all boys.. then that isn't really a good thing honestly. I KNOW how bad you're hurting hun and I wish nothing but the best for you...

Just to add- a friend of a friend of mine who has 2 boys and 1 girl got preggo again and she said her day was ruined bc she was having a boy- which just FLOORS me- like really, WHY care what the sex is?? COUNTLESS women strive for YEARS and really, their entire life sometimes to conceive at all and never do- it is an IMMENSE blessing to be pregnant- hearing this lady said that near brought me to tears- after all I went through- to me- she was INCREDIBLY selfish and ungrateful to be carrying that child in her womb and being disappointed it was a boy.

I hope you DO have a girl and that your desire is filled- just make sure it's not to replace the one you lost because sadly that will never be.

 

[addie25]

I wasn't having a go or anything Addie, on the contrary I genuinely was trying to answer the question "Do u think I'm going to b upset if I get pregnant with a boy now that I know what I lost" and adress this "I don't want to be disappointed if we get pregnant with a boy with ivf".

I think that you seem to be putting an awful lot on getting a girl. I am just worried it may not happen and may be a boy for you and you do seem to be concerned you may be " disapointed" if that is the case.
Personally I don't quite understand the need to favour a sex as I just lost a bay- sex unknown and I would have done anything to keep it. maybe I am overemotional but I would never in a million years be worried I would be dispaointed with a certain sex.

I "DO" understand that you lost
a girl so maybe you are feeling this
way because of that.

It's hard to know how someone sounds on a computer my relply was not intended to seem as if I was offended sorry if it sounded like that. And since I lost a girl yes it makes me want what I lost I'm sure u wud understand if u knew the sex of ur baby and I'm sorry for ur lost I will b happy with a boy or a girl that is healthy . I just miss my little girl

 

[Lyo28]

Holly that is so shocking about your friend of a friend. Honestly if soneone said something like that to me right now I would be very hard put not to lay into them!

Addie, your loss is awful and we are all here to listen. But as Holly implied I " think" . In a loss forum where women just lost their babies, Maybe it is not the best place to discuss concerns over the sex of your baby. It is all too raw for us right now I think.

 

[addie25]

I am not sure what is wrong wih u all. I NEVER said I would be angry if I had a son. I am upset as it is with the loss of my baby I do not need to be attacked and I will no longer be reading on this post. I'm sorry for ur losses and wish u luck in the future.

 

[Lyo28]

I wasn't having a go or anything Addie, on the contrary I genuinely was trying to answer the question "Do u think I'm going to b upset if I get pregnant with a boy now that I know what I lost" and adress this "I don't want to be disappointed if we get pregnant with a boy with ivf".

I think that you seem to be putting an awful lot on getting a girl. I am just worried it may not happen and may be a boy for you and you do seem to be concerned you may be " disapointed" if that is the case.
Personally I don't quite understand the need to favour a sex as I just lost a bay- sex unknown and I would have done anything to keep it. maybe I am overemotional but I would never in a million years be worried I would be dispaointed with a certain sex.

I "DO" understand that you lost
a girl so maybe you are feeling this
way because of that.

It's hard to know how someone sounds on a computer my relply was not intended to seem as if I was offended sorry if it sounded like that. And since I lost a girl yes it makes me want what I lost I'm sure u wud understand if u knew the sex of ur baby and I'm sorry for ur lost I will b happy with a boy or a girl that is healthy . I just miss my little girl

You are right, as I never found out the sex of the baby I can't really comment on that itself. But all I can say is I doubt for me personally it would matter as a baby lost is a baby lost and they cannot be replaced. But again maybe I should shut up as I have not been in those shoes.

 

[addie25]

I just saw part of ur post about how someone was ruins bc they r having a boy I never said that so not sure y I am being compared to that person. I lost a baby as well n u could have been a bit kinder to me. I didn't read ur entire post bc I was shocked at how rude u were so Please do not post on this again and I do wish u luck in thR future

 

[addie25]

I understand ur hurting so I take back the Rude comment . By don't judge someone u don't know I never once said It would ruine my day to have a boy I would LOVE my son n when they tell Lenin carrying a healthy child it will be the best day of my life boy or girl. Again let's part ways bc I see ur hutinng as m I n don't feel like being judged especially when it's not an accurate picture of me

 

[Lyo28]

I am not sure what is wrong wih u all. I NEVER said I would be angry if I had a son. I am upset as it is with the loss of my baby I do not need to be attacked and I will no longer be reading on this post. I'm sorry for ur losses and wish u luck in the future.

Addie I only read this now and I am sorry about how you feel. I honestly did not mean to make you feel you you didn't want to post, It just upset me to read your worries about how you would feel having a boy when all I want so bad is a baby. I imagined some other people might feel the same.

But I also expressed how sad your loss made me. I know you mentioned you would be happy with a healthy baby but you also mentioned numerous times you wanted a girl so bad and would be worried how you might feel if it was not a girl and to be bluntly honest I don't think that is a good way to be for you. You could build all your hopes up on something that may not happen. I just hope you are ok and that you get pregnant with a healthy baby very soon and hope it is a girl x

 

[Lyo28]

I understand ur hurting so I take back the Rude comment . By don't judge someone u don't know I never once said It would ruine my day to have a boy I would LOVE my son n when they tell Lenin carrying a healthy child it will be the best day of my life boy or girl. Again let's part ways bc I see ur hutinng as m I n don't feel like being judged especially when it's not an accurate picture of me

I think you misunderstood if it is me you are referring to. I was talking about the person Holly knew of who had said it ruined their day to find out it was a boy. I totally was not talking about you. I think I just keep getting jumbled/misunderstood in this thread so I am going to bow out.

Just to finish I am sorry for your loss. I hope you get everything you wish for and I know you are not the type of person who would say your day was ruined or whatever that statement was and nobody does think that.

 

[addie25]

I never said I would b upset with a boy. I was able to select the ex of baby wih ivf n I turns then down bc I didnt want them to mess up n have the baby unhealthy so as u can see having s boy would be just as lovely. I was only saying I wish I didn't know what I lost bc it makes it hard. I won't b sad if I have a boy I just wish I didn't loose my girl she was part of ne I was showing she was part of me

 

[hollyw79]

My husband and I are carriers for cystic fibrosis and didn't know till after I was pregnant. The baby had he disease. Pregnancy ended 14 weeks. Found out yesterday the baby was a girl! I've wanted a girl my entire life and I am so upset. We r doing ivf to make sure with genetic testing the next baby is healthy. I want another girl now that I lost one but wud be happy with any healthy child. Do u think I'm going to b upset if I get pregnant with a boy now that I know what I lost. I'm scared I'll never have a girl again. But again I'm grateful genetic testing can give me a health child boy or girl. I just need to let go of the girl idea bc I don't want to be disappointed if we get pregnant with a boy with ivf. Ideally twin boy girl would be great

Well, first .. I am not AT ALL coming down on you and I'm sorry if you felt that way~ on the contrary~ I wholeheartedly understand and I said that in my initial post.. so please don't think that.. BUT if you read what you wrote:

Do u think I'm going to b upset if I get pregnant with a boy now that I know what I lost.

that is pretty clear that you're worried you will feel that way and the only thing I suggested is that maybe you talk to a counselor to work through it... not for an attacking reason at all. I just think that even slightly mentioning that is going to be hard for women who have miscarried to swallow. That's all.

I know you've been through A LOT- and I just want things to work out for you... so assume the best in people~ not that they're out to attack you - but to help you - because that TRULY is not the case from me nor at all from what I read from Lyo.

 

[hollyw79]

Just to add, I *do* think you took it all the wrong way Addie.. especially going back through and reading because I questioned if I came across that way- and I really sincerely don't think I did.. and the only reason I added after my initial post was to reinforce what Lyo was saying....

Anyway~ I personally feel like I am here to be supportive to other people~ I try anyway- but sometimes when things are worded a certain way- ESPECIALLY here.. you have to tread lightly! I hope you can understand!