How do you tell if there's an issue or if he's just being 2

[AlwaysPraying]

My son used to be my buddy my partner my best friend. I got pregnant and had a baby 4 months ago and my son is now 2.5 years old and obsessed with his dad. I get that is pretty normal new sibling behavior but its really starting to affect our family. My son doesn't want to spend any time with me he constant cries for his dad.

What strikes me as odd or different is in the morning. Every morning his dad and he wake up and have breakfast together. Shortly after me and the baby wake up together and go down stairs. He instantly turns pissy and says "NO MOM". I can't do anything to please him and he's just pissed right off that ive disrupted his morning. Evenings are similar. His dad usually puts him to bed and there are nights he's away and I do it. The whole time it's "want dad want dad want
Dad". Four months and its still going on.

There's some other small issues and I struggle so hard with trying to find out if this is "normal" or if he has autistic issues or just what. My husband gets angry at me for suggesting this is anything but normal new baby and terrible two behavior.

There seems to be no good place to go. You either get put into the system where its nothing but waiting and assessments that are crap. They play with your kid for 15 mins and determine you need to wait again for another assessment and then they tell you there's no clear answer. It's almost like hes not bad enough.

I miss him, I miss my buddy and I don't know what to do. Every morning is a struggle. I wake and hug him as he pushes me away. When dad is gone he sulks for him and is a little more tolerant of me.

I think I need to get into a united front with my husband. We need to be more of a team. My husband needs to deal with the baby more. My son needs to know we are both parents for both kids. But the thought of that stresses me out. He hates when dad has baby and says "no mom and baby!"

So I'm sad and scared, worried and frustrated. This isn't what I imagined having two kids would be like. It just doesn't seem "normal" to me. I can't shake that but I don't know what to do about it. I'm also up against my husband who thinks he's perfectly normal.

 

[Maze]

First of all, the fact that he is 2 and is talking is a very good sign. Even if he were to be on the autistic spectrum, he would likely be relatively high-functioning. My son was diagnosed with Autism at 2.5 years old, he was completely non-verbal, wouldn't make eye contact, threw violent temper tantrums and would constantly flap his hands.

It does sound to me like he might be dealing with the new baby rather negatively. If you had a very tight knit relationship before, he would quite naturally be feeling a good amount of jealousy/anger. I think you should plan a day with just you and your son some weekend. Take him to a museum or to do some activity you know he really loves. When I brought my daughter home I was very worried about how my eldest child with autism would react, but I found taking that time on the weekends just for me and him (he loves going to the movies or museums) really helped ease him into the change in family life.

Rigid behavior/routine can be a sign of autism, I think however displayed on it's own it doesn't generally indicate a problem.

Good luck!