how likely is it for fob to change their mind once baby is born?

[surprisebaby]

A brief summary of my situation: My fob finished with me when he found out I was pregnant and stopped all communication with me. I haven't seen him at all being pregnant apart from when it happened obviously!! Only one email when I was 17 weeks pregnant telling me to get an abortion and not to contact him again.

Anyway I am due in 10 weeks and have just wrote him a very short email asking whether he would meet up to discuss things before baby is born.... I don't expect a response as he normally ignores any contact I make.

I was wondering anyway who has been in a similar type of situation and have the fob's changed when baby has arrived? Like they want to see them etc. I not going to get my hopes up, but just wondered what might be likely.

Thanks for any replies xx

 

[Singl3Daddy]

They always do somewhere down the line. my half sister's dad came back when she was 14!!
i dont your concious would allow you to stay away forever.

the most common cases are where the dad comes back after x amount of months/years and isnt allowed access to the child, he then turns around and uses that as the reason to make himself feel better for not being there. "i Tried"

 

[Abigailly]

He may come around, he may not.

To be honest I would just leave it, if I remember rightly he's made it clear that so far he doesn't want anything to do with the baby? Would you really want him near your child? This isn't a dig by the way I'm genuinely curious?

 

[surprisebaby]

He may come around, he may not.

To be honest I would just leave it, if I remember rightly he's made it clear that so far he doesn't want anything to do with the baby? Would you really want him near your child? This isn't a dig by the way I'm genuinely curious?

yes i would. I want him to be involved and for her to know her real father in some form. I know he has said that so far, thats why I asked others who have been in a similar situation where they have changed their minds.

 

[sweetlullaby]

Eventually curiousity will get the better of him and he'll probably come back even just to "see". Some when they see their LO's for the first time decide to man up and be there but unfortunately it seems the majority dont. i hope thats not the case for you

 

[lauramarie]

i had the opposite situation FOB did want to be involved with LO, until i gave birth and he decided that he didn't want anything to do with LO and has never met him. He only lives a street away!! but then that is down to the other woman. I do believe he will regret it and get in touch, but i know that while he is still with her, my son will grow up without a father, which is really sad.

I want the same as you, for my child to have a father. Can't answer your question, guess time will tell, unfortunately there is very little you can do about it

 

[purpledahlia]

I think down the line he will make contact, like someone else said. curiosity. But... i wouldnt try and contact him more, the ball is in his court.. you have left the door open? so let him decide to knock it. Just concentrate on having the baby and forget about him till/if/when he gets in touch.

 

[suzanne108]

Hi surprisebaby not long to go now

I'm pretty sure that most fobs will change their mind at some point abot contact with LO. I wouldnt pin your hopes on it though and just cross that bridge when/if it comes.

My fob says he wants to be involved but doesnt make much effort to come see her. He does text most days to see how she is but unfortunately that isnt helping in Lola getting to know him! I sometimes wonder whether it'd be better for her to not see him at all rather than once every 3 or 4 weeks...after all 'dad' is only a word. Being a dad doesnt automaticaly form a bond, it has to be worked on.

Sorry - waffled! X

 

[surprisebaby]

I think down the line he will make contact, like someone else said. curiosity. But... i wouldnt try and contact him more, the ball is in his court.. you have left the door open? so let him decide to knock it. Just concentrate on having the baby and forget about him till/if/when he gets in touch.

Thanks Purple, I was thinking about just letting him know when the baby is here next. I am not sure whether I should let him know when I go to labour or not. I was just hoping we could clear the air before the baby is born, but yeah it's down to him to get back to me. Hope he does. It must feel horrible for him as well having something like this at the back of his mind.

 

[suzanne108]

I think down the line he will make contact, like someone else said. curiosity. But... i wouldnt try and contact him more, the ball is in his court.. you have left the door open? so let him decide to knock it. Just concentrate on having the baby and forget about him till/if/when he gets in touch.

Thanks Purple, I was thinking about just letting him know when the baby is here next. I am not sure whether I should let him know when I go to labour or not. I was just hoping we could clear the air before the baby is born, but yeah it's down to him to get back to me. Hope he does. It must feel horrible for him as well having something like this at the back of his mind.

You're too considerate SB. So he should feel damn horrible leaving you in this situation!!

 

[surprisebaby]

Hi surprisebaby not long to go now

I'm pretty sure that most fobs will change their mind at some point abot contact with LO. I wouldnt pin your hopes on it though and just cross that bridge when/if it comes.

My fob says he wants to be involved but doesnt make much effort to come see her. He does text most days to see how she is but unfortunately that isnt helping in Lola getting to know him! I sometimes wonder whether it'd be better for her to not see him at all rather than once every 3 or 4 weeks...after all 'dad' is only a word. Being a dad doesnt automaticaly form a bond, it has to be worked on.

Sorry - waffled! X

Hi Suzanne!! Yeah only 10 weeks!! omg. How are things with little Lola? What happened when he saw her for the first time?

 

[suzanne108]

I think down the line he will make contact, like someone else said. curiosity. But... i wouldnt try and contact him more, the ball is in his court.. you have left the door open? so let him decide to knock it. Just concentrate on having the baby and forget about him till/if/when he gets in touch.

Thanks Purple, I was thinking about just letting him know when the baby is here next. I am not sure whether I should let him know when I go to labour or not. I was just hoping we could clear the air before the baby is born, but yeah it's down to him to get back to me. Hope he does. It must feel horrible for him as well having something like this at the back of his mind.

You're too considerate SB. So he should feel damn horrible leaving you in this situation!!

 

[suzanne108]

I think down the line he will make contact, like someone else said. curiosity. But... i wouldnt try and contact him more, the ball is in his court.. you have left the door open? so let him decide to knock it. Just concentrate on having the baby and forget about him till/if/when he gets in touch.

Thanks Purple, I was thinking about just letting him know when the baby is here next. I am not sure whether I should let him know when I go to labour or not. I was just hoping we could clear the air before the baby is born, but yeah it's down to him to get back to me. Hope he does. It must feel horrible for him as well having something like this at the back of his mind.

Hi surprisebaby not long to go now

I'm pretty sure that most fobs will change their mind at some point abot contact with LO. I wouldnt pin your hopes on it though and just cross that bridge when/if it comes.

My fob says he wants to be involved but doesnt make much effort to come see her. He does text most days to see how she is but unfortunately that isnt helping in Lola getting to know him! I sometimes wonder whether it'd be better for her to not see him at all rather than once every 3 or 4 weeks...after all 'dad' is only a word. Being a dad doesnt automaticaly form a bond, it has to be worked on.

Sorry - waffled! X

Hi Suzanne!! Yeah only 10 weeks!! omg. How are things with little Lola? What happened when he saw her for the first time?

Lola is well thanks...struggling a little with wind and reflux but we're getting there

I let fob come to the hospital. Nothing exciting to report...he just had a little hold that was all. Next time he came was wheb she was 2 weeks old! I put him on the BC but haven't seen him now for 3 weeks!! x

 

[Linz88]

Do you no his family? if so maybe you could get the grandparents to have a word x

 

[surprisebaby]

Do you no his family? if so maybe you could get the grandparents to have a word x

no I don't. They live in Northern Ireland and I am in Scotland. I have never met them before. I wrote them a letter but they didn't respond- they just returned my letter and pretended they didn't live at that address when I know they do!!

 

[surprisebaby]

I think down the line he will make contact, like someone else said. curiosity. But... i wouldnt try and contact him more, the ball is in his court.. you have left the door open? so let him decide to knock it. Just concentrate on having the baby and forget about him till/if/when he gets in touch.

Thanks Purple, I was thinking about just letting him know when the baby is here next. I am not sure whether I should let him know when I go to labour or not. I was just hoping we could clear the air before the baby is born, but yeah it's down to him to get back to me. Hope he does. It must feel horrible for him as well having something like this at the back of his mind.

You're too considerate SB. So he should feel damn horrible leaving you in this situation!!

I think he should feel horrible too, but it feels better for me to get rid of being angry with him, because I prefer being happier!! If you know what I mean. So if I can clear the air with him then there would be benefits for both of us. x

 

[Emma1980]

Fins dad asked me to get an abortion and finished with me a few weeks after i was pregnant, but he never did the "dont contact me again" thing... we didnt speak thru lots of the pregnancy but i did see him very often - he lives where i worked!

hes been round at least 3 times a week since Finley has been born and loves him to bits...

i didnt ask him for anything, ever, i left the door open for him, he made his decision when he heard Finley had been born and hes been there ever since, i still, will never ask him for anything, its up to him what he does, that way in the future finley can never say " you kept him from me" he chose to pay child support too, i didnt even ask for that.

i wouldnt make any more contact with him, just leave the door open.

 

[donegalfairy]

I only know one thing, my little baby's dad will not change his mind.
I hope for your sake yours does, as that is what you want.

For my sake it is best if he keeps away as he has already hurt me too much with trying to mess my life up, but for my baby's sake I would be willing to let him see her whenever he wanted to. Although I (sadly) know he will never change his mind. He doesn't want her.