How long after your MC did you wait to try again?

[RedRose]

Hi there,

this is my first post here, although I've been reading in the background for a few weeks.

Just to fill you in on me, and why I'm here. I'm 22, and miscarried my first pregnancy 3 weeks ago at around 7w. Although we weren't expecting to get pregnant, and I suppose we're lucky it happened so early on, it's been so hard dealing with it.

My partner and I were really happy and excited when we found out we were expecting, and we had the most wonderful plans ahead of us. It's been so very painful returning to normal, when nothing feels normal at all anymore.

Basically, I want to try again as soon as we can, although my boyfriend is less enthusiastic. To be honest, we don't have a lot of money and it would have been a struggle, and he feels that now we are in a position to wait again, we should try again later when it's more convenient for us.

I know where he's coming from, but to me, not knowing when we can try again is as painful as the MC. It feels like another grief, and I feel like I'm in limbo.

He has been so wonderful, and I know he just wants the best for us. He's even said he can't bear to see me so sad and I can have whatever I want, but it doesn't feel the same as knowing he is really on board with it too, if that makes sense.

Sorry I am really rambling on now, but it feels good to let it out really. I'd love to be able to talk about it with people who know what I'm feeling like.

What I really want to know then, those of you who have MC and gone on to get pregnant again; how did you feel in between the MC and the next pregnancy? How long did you wait? And if you did, why did you wait? How did your OH feel?

Thanks for reading. x

 

[JennTheMomma]

So sorry to hear about your loss.

I miscarried my first pregnancy, it was very heartbreaking to me. Inbetween the time from my MC and my pregnancy with my son I felt that I was never going to have a baby, I was told to be infertile before I had my MC. We didn't really wait. I felt that I should just keep trying. We were pregnant with Hunter 5 months after my MC. I should say this, I felt bad for being pregnant so soon, I don't know why I felt that way. I had prenatal depression with my pregnancy with Hunter.

 

[LeaArr]

I am going to be waiting until the summer probably. This was the first loss for both my husband and I and we are pretty shaken. I think that if you feel ready, go for it. You need to do what you feel is best for yourself.

 

[Peach Blossom]

I'm so sorry for you loss hon. It is such a devastating time and we all know what you're going through.

For me the only way I feel like I can stop the pain and fill the emptiness is to get pregnant again straight away... I mc'd just over a week ago now, but plan to start trying again as soon as I stop bleeding. My OH has been so supportive and understanding and if he has any reservations about us trying again striaght away he hasn't said anything. We had been trying for just over a year when we found out I was pg.

I hope that you and your OH can find a way through this and decide to start ttc again soon.

xx

 

[Las78]

I'm so sorry for your loss hun.

I have 2 little girls and recently m/c my son, he wasn't planned and to be honest it would have been a struggle, but, somehow you manage.

We are trying again already, 5 weeks on, I haven't had my first AF and hoping that doesn't mean another heartbreak but as I am 30 and it took us a while between to fall pregnant each time, I don't want to wait to long.

Hope it all works out the way you want it too hun, I think sometimes it's actually harder on the men than we realise. My OH admitted to me the other day that while he so wants us to have another baby he also can't bear the thought of me going through another m/c.

 

[Rebaby]

Hey there, first of all i just wanted to say how sorry i am for your loss

If ell pregnant for the 1st time very quickly after stopping using contraception (within about 4 weeks) which was a lovely surprise. I mc'd just over 3 weeks ago now, i was very early on in my pregnancy, just under 5 weeks according to my GP.

Initially my OH and i decided to wait to try, at least until after i'd had my 1st af after the mc, which i was told could be between 3 and 6 weeks later. We waited until the mc was over which was just under a week and then went back to using contraception, but it didn't last very long, just one week and then we started ttc again. It was much sooner than we intended but it really did feel right, although of course now i am absolutely petrified about what the future has in store, i don't think i could go through another mc again and especially not so soon I am just trying to be positive and hope that this time round will end better for us.

I hope you get to a decision that feels right for your and your OH

 

[babybuffy84]

I had MMC diagnosed about 3 weeks ago and had a d&c 2 weeks ago the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks and i was 10 weeksa at that point and am heartbroken i havent even gone back to work yet am going to have another 3 weeks off and go on hols because like you i feel lost.We really wanted our little baby,we had been fucusing on that we had a month when we started TTC and i was focusing on that then when we got pregnant in december 3 months after first trying we were overjoyed.
We sat down and talked and decided that we wanted to start trying again asap before AF comes so about 2 days after the bleeding stopped we started tryng again and have been trying for about 10 days now,i need something to focus my energy on and the thought of waiting just fills me with dread.But im taking my folic acid,asprin and calcium tablets too see if these all help.We have had mixed reviews of most of my OH family about trying again but only you can make the decision what best for you.My OH really struggled with the M/C as he not only feels the grief of losing the baby too but also seeing you upset or ill whilst having the m/c but he does want to try again and at first he wasnt so sure so he might come rounf to the idea.
Hope you make the right decision as to whats best for you and OH oh and with regards to the money there will never be a right time there will always be something in the way.

 

[Razcox]

I'm so sorry for your lose

I have just stopped bleeding following a MC and i have started temping again already. I am like rebaby and for me the best way to get over it is to start trying right away. I have no doubt that for the 1st 6 weeks i am going to be terrified of it happening again but no matter how long we wait this is always going to be the case. I think you will know when its right to try again xxxx

 

[surreysharon]

I MC at 7wks on 18 Feb and plan to try again as soon as possible.

I feel quite strong about it and so happy emotionally. Obviously i am going to be nervous about it happening again but i know its a risk im prepared to take to be a mum

x good luck x

 

[ClaireyF]

sorry about your loss hun, i had a mc last July at about 7w and we decided to wait until my first AF and try again, i am pregnant again now and was lucky enough to get pg straight away. the waiting time in between the mc and AF was the longest few weeks i think i've ever had. Alls i can say is that it felt right for us to try again and have something to focus on for the future but you need to do what you feel right hun xxx

 

[MrsO29]

With my mmc at 12 weeks, I was totally shocked and devestated, so we waited a few months. We have had problems conceiving, so I didn't want to wait too long.

After my m/c at 6 weeks, it just felt like a very heavy period, so I wanted to try again straight away.
I was going to wait for my period first, but we got pregnant 2 weeks after the m/c ended. I think this was a good thing for us, as you are more fertile after a m/c, but if I had not had problems conceiving, I would have waited a few months.

As for the money issue, well only you can answer that.
They say you are never financially ready for a child (Too true!), BUT there is a difference between having a little bit saved up and nothing at all. But then again you would have 9 months warning to start saving!!

Good Luck

 

[lou1979]

I had an EP Jan 20th By Feb 23rd i was pregnant again!

I didnt wait, im not saying that its right for everyone, but for me it was..

sorry for your loss huni..

only you will know when the times right xx goodluck x

 

[susan_1981]

My husband has been pretty laid back about the whole baby trying thing. When I met him, he said he wasn't fussed about having children, ideally he'd like them but if I didn't, then it was no problem with him. Anyway, 8 years later in August, we decided to try for a baby (got married just over a year prior to that) and then I fell pregnant in October so it didn't take us that long to conceive. Went through my pregnancy thinking everything was fine, no bleeding, no pain but found out at my 12 week scan that the baby had died at 7 weeks 2 days. All I could think about at that point was "when can we try again". Was told lots of conflicting things by lots of different people in the hospital. One said wait one cycle, the other said wait 3-4 months and the other said 4-5 months! Then they gave me a leaflet that said some people want to try again straight away and there should be no higher risk of miscarrying if you do fall pregnant straight away. Didn't happen for me. I've now had 2 periods and I'm hoping this will be my month.

It sounds like your boyfriends is very supportive and probably very wise but, the problem is, everyone used to say it to me, if you wait until you have money to have a baby, then you probably never will. There's always something that you need to buy. So I say, go with what feels right. Maybe try the "not preventing, not trying" way for a while. Good luck and sorry for your loss. I know how awful it is xxx

 

[Razcox]

I think a lot of doctors say wait a cycle because it makes it easier for them to work out due dates and stuff. I don't think there is a medical reason beyond that (from what i have read)

 

[RedRose]

Thank you all so much for all your replies. I really appreciate it, thank you.

We talked again last night, and we both think that life is just too short to worry about worst case scenarios, and whatever happens, we will have each other. We want to be happy, and starting our own family is what will make us happy.

We are going to 'not try but not prevent' (as someone suggested ) until the summer and then step it up if I'm not pregnant by then.

In the meantime, we are going to be happy and relaxed and enjoy ourselves as much as possible. Keep saving money, and look at our housing options. I don't think we could afford a mortgage once my maternity leave would be over, but we will manage somehow.

I'm also trying to get as healthy as possible. I've started jogging- man it is so hard but it's nice to sweat it out and clear your head!

Thanks again for all your advice and kind words. I would love to hear more stories still so please feel free to carry on.

 

[Las78]

Glad you've reached a descision that you seem happy about hun, all the best with the TTC, am sure you'll get your sticky bean soon and make a very good mummy x

 

[thingy]

hey redrose sorry for your loss. I m/c 6 weeks ago now and a few weeks ago we started trying again. I haven't had an AF yet but just would love to be pregnant again. Its a really hard time and i don't think there is a right or wrong answer, i also don't think its an easy time i'm really struggling emotionally but the one thing i know is i want a family x

 

[loz]

sorry for your loss x

i had a m/c last april at 18 weeks, baby had died just after my 12 week scan. we had got baby stuff and i felt really empty after i gave birth so we decided we would try again straight after post mortem results. after we got the results 3 months later, we started trying and got preg a few months later.

 

[rachjim98]

We are still waiting. We had a late MMC @ almost 20weeks in Nov 08. I had to actually deliver our sleeping angel Rebecca.
My DH doesn't even want to consider trying for another. This one was like pulling teeth, I had to beg and plead to get him to agree to have a 3rd. We already have 2 older children 9yr and 6yr. Plus he is in his 40's and thinks he is too old. That has to be taken into consideration as well. Right now I am just no where near ready to go through this again. My heart is still broken and feel as if I would be replacing her. Those are just my feelings everyone is different.

But everyone can be blessed in their own time. And I am happy to hear you two have reached a agreement. Hoping the best for you and yours

 

[Aidedhoney]

Hello, Sorry for your lose
I lost twins at 16wks in Aug 08, i was told by consultant to leave it one period before tryinging again, luckily i fell again by the October.

The emotional side is very hard, so many thoughts go through your head, i found it helped to talk, my GP was brilliant as was my OH.

Good luck
x