How long did it take you to get over FOB? Long please help

[Blue_star]

I'm having a very hard time getting over my FOB....I'v even had dreams with him and it's becoming more stressful for me when I think about him. He left when I was 14 weeks pregnant he is 21 i'm 22. At the start he was very nice supportive, promised he was going to love his baby said how much he wanted a little girl named Bree.

Well something happened and he suddenly changed his mind and left town. His parents still contact and talk to me they want to be in the babies life alot.

I recently have seen him around town and some of my friends told me he has moved back he sometimes works at the store at the end of my street and i'm there alot I'v been avoiding it since. But a few days ago on my way by I saw him and he saw me I could tell he saw me lucky for me I was just driving by. But the anxiety and awkwardness I get seeing him with my baby bump and the fact that he won't even speak to me makes me feel so uneasy.

Also he lives down the street from my neighborhood so sometimes I see him around town and so do my friends. I feel that when my daughter is born and I go to town and see him how awkward and uncomfortable i'm going to feel with his daughter and we have to pass eachother like he's some stranger.

 

[lemontree12]

My ex left me when I was 14weeks also! My little girls is 1week old and I can def say I'm over any sort of love I felt for him, infact I'm over even caring for him! What I'm not over is what he put me threw for the last 9months, and I think that will take time, especially as he still throws spammers in the works, he is that selfish hr has no idea what he's doing!!

Time is a great healer, it's taken me time to get over him, bow I just need to work threw insercurities I have no as a result of this cxx

 

[ellebelle]

Aw that's sad

Well it will probably take a long time, you guys got pregnant together. I don't have advice on how to get closure to the end of a relationship like this. I had to break up with my FOB because he didn't have his priorities in order - instead of shaping up, he just reacted maliciously against me and it is so nasty but I still cannot get over him. It's been 4 months and I expect to pine over him forever.

 

[ZombieQueen]

My husband met another woman when I was 3 months along, gave her his number just days after our first ultrasound.. He put me through hell, and yet I still find myself wanting to beg him to come home to me... I don't know when I'll ever get over him, I wish he would ignore me and cut me out of his life, but instead he keeps talking, keeps stringing me along and I'm too weak to let him go.. stay strong hun. things will someday feel okay.

 

[resursval]

I'm having a very hard time getting over my FOB....I'v even had dreams with him and it's becoming more stressful for me when I think about him. He left when I was 14 weeks pregnant he is 21 i'm 22. At the start he was very nice supportive, promised he was going to love his baby said how much he wanted a little girl named Bree.

Well something happened and he suddenly changed his mind and left town. His parents still contact and talk to me they want to be in the babies life alot.

I recently have seen him around town and some of my friends told me he has moved back he sometimes works at the store at the end of my street and i'm there alot I'v been avoiding it since. But a few days ago on my way by I saw him and he saw me I could tell he saw me lucky for me I was just driving by. But the anxiety and awkwardness I get seeing him with my baby bump and the fact that he won't even speak to me makes me feel so uneasy.

Also he lives down the street from my neighborhood so sometimes I see him around town and so do my friends. I feel that when my daughter is born and I go to town and see him how awkward and uncomfortable i'm going to feel with his daughter and we have to pass eachother like he's some stranger.

Concentrate on what a spineless man he is that leaves the woman he got pregnant. It will take a while but just think of it and sooner or later your love for him will vanish.

 

[MissJayde]

I won't say how long it will take you, but I know for me it took about 5 months. I didn't want him back after he shacked up with the new girlfriend but I wanted him to miss me etc. He started changing and when he came to the hospital the day my son was born I actually didn't feel anything for him. I looked at him holding my son and my daughter and felt my heart exploding with love for them - but nothing for him.
It is hard, and believe me I have days where I wish I wasn't a single parent - but I don't love him (or feel anything for him) any more!
I wish you luck and strength in your journey hon. I won't ever say it is easy but it certainly is rewarding!

 

[Laura2919]

For me I'd have probably taken him back had he asked in the first 4-5 weeks after we split but not because I loved him but because I thought that the future held lots of scary possibilities for me and I am not good with change.

I wouldn't ever even think about getting back with him now. I'm happy with my life. I am single, I raise my girls myself, I have a great support network of friends and family and I get on with my life the way I want to live it.

If you still love him then it would take time, sometimes that love doesn't go away.

Don't get me wrong I will always love FOB because he gave me my girls but I am not in love with him and I haven't been for a long long time even before we split.

 

[Dezireey]

I think I will always love my loser FOB purely because he is the father of my son. I feel that I owe that to my son and I can at least say to my boy when he is a lot older 'well, I did love your father and a part of me still does'. It's not that we forgive what they have done, I will never forgive him for doing such a low thing, how can you? It's just up there really with leaving you because you were in an accident and can no longer walk, it's just a crappy thing to do to someone you were in a relationship with. I understand how men get scared and how maybe, in the back of their mind they really didn't envisage being with you forever perhaps? But to just ignore their pregnant girlfriends and bugger off and treat us like lepers, well....well, enough about that.

I split with my FOB nearly 10 months ago now and only now am I starting to just move on a bit better. He still contacts me (albeit moaning about his awful life, I am his only best friend and he may just kill himself if anything else happens to him - the latest is a possible brain anurism and a broken foot that won't heal and now he has a walking stick all his life, he does my head in with his constant 'problems' which excuse him from being a father)

You will get through it,purely because you have to and there is no choice. When you have a baby to look after, you can't afford the luxury of a negative thought and to get into a depression about how life has turned out, that LO is relying on you to take care of it, love it and protect it. I reckon most of us ladies on here wish they could wave a magic wand and have things different and have a lovely family of their own with a lovely biological Dad for their kid/s but shit happens in life and we have found ourselves as single mums. I wouldn't change anything though of what I have been through, because I just wouldn't have this particular beautiful child I have right now. He is my world and it will only get better with him in my life.

 

[Shezza84uk]

I can't say when you will be ok but time is a great healer and if I'm honest even if he did come back you probably will be the one to walk away as you can never trust him for leaving in the first place.

Focus on your daughter, it's the hardest thing to go through but you will get there and when you do, you will never look back as its like serenity and peace within yourself to know he did not get the best of you! X

 

[SophiasMummy]

Honestly a part of me will always love fob. He gave me the most important person in my world. But i also hate him for the way he is acting towards LO and how petty and childish he is. I dont think i could ever get back with him. But i always think about what couldve been if we had stayed together (i left him because we were arguing alot and i was really scared i would miscarry due to medical problems so kind of freaked out). If he hadnt run back to his ex then we would prob still be together (he even told me this) but im glad us breaking up gave me the chance to see his true colours. So now i would never get back with him

 

[Natsku]

I don't know how long it takes, I was over my ex long before I finally left him. I still care about him cos he's Maria's dad, and I feel sorry for him cos he's so messed up, but no feelings beyond that.

 

[whatwillbe]

I know how it feels hun i am in the same situation, except i dont live near him now, so dont have to constantly see him about, you will miss him, same as i do, but hopefully it will get easier sith time, untill one day you will wonder what you ever saw in him

 

[Dezireey]

Just a tip - not sure if it helps anyone, I don't know.

I made the mistake of thinking that because he was the Father of my child, I should miss him and be super devastated for an eternity etc but when I asked myself if I would have felt the same if it was just a normal break up (no kids involved) I really do think I would have been over him in a month!

I kind of forced myself to care more than I should have and that is the mistake I made so...., it took me a while to realise but when I accepted, that for the sake of my heart, I should treat him the same way as a normal break up, I felt much better

 

[whatwillbe]

Just a tip - not sure if it helps anyone, I don't know.

I made the mistake of thinking that because he was the Father of my child, I should miss him and be super devastated for an eternity etc but when I asked myself if I would have felt the same if it was just a normal break up (no kids involved) I really do think I would have been over him in a month!

I kind of forced myself to care more than I should have and that is the mistake I made so...., it took me a while to realise but when I accepted, that for the sake of my heart, I should treat him the same way as a normal break up, I felt much better

Yea i think that has alot to do with it, when we planned this baby i was naively thinking we'd be together happily raising him / her an you do put oh on a pedastall as your so happy at the time, so its harder letting go of all the hopes and plans you had for the both of you in the future, i agree, if i wasnt expecting his baby it would of been a lot easier to walk away and let him go, but i think / hope that im getting there now! Its been about 10 weeks since i last saw him

 

[george83]

My husband met another woman when I was 3 months along, gave her his number just days after our first ultrasound.. He put me through hell, and yet I still find myself wanting to beg him to come home to me... I don't know when I'll ever get over him, I wish he would ignore me and cut me out of his life, but instead he keeps talking, keeps stringing me along and I'm too weak to let him go.. stay strong hun. things will someday feel okay.

for almost 2 years my husband has walked in and out of my life whenever he feels like it - since as soon as i told him i was pregnant - and i'm also stupid enough to take him back. I just simply can not imagine my life without him in it. We had such wonderful dreams of being a perfect family and the thought of him not being around to make that happen breaks my heart.

 

[Gunnhilde]

Well I was 21 and he was 22 when we got divorced. How long did it take? Hmmm that is a hard one. I kept thinking things would change and that he would "man up" probably until LO was about 9 months old. That would be over a year since our divorce and since I last saw him in person?

It is just past 4 years now and I feel nothing - no anger, no emotions, just couldn't care less what he is doing.

It is good to let go. It has been 23+ years since my biological parents' divorce and my father leaving and my mother is still bitter. All that does is hurt her.

 

[LoLoKate]

I'm sorry. hon. Just think about your daughter and relize you dont want a whimp like that in your duaghters life. I don't know how long it will take you, personally, to get over him, but with your daughter being born soon try to focus on that instead of him.

My son's dad/boyfriend passed away going on 3 months ago, and I really had no choice but to pick myself up and carry on for my son. It is still hard, and I have more bad days than good, and sometimes I find myself "talking" to him, --but you just have to let the,go. Time doesn't heal everything, but with time you'll eventually feel better!!

 

[fl00b]

i was crushed. but i managed to get over him in 2/3 months - i just concentrated on what a spineless jerk he was and then i'd start going out more talking to new people to get my mind off him - that really helped!