how long is too long?

[melody_]

hi, all just joined to find an outlet and maybe someone to share this ttc#1 experience. meaning, when one relizes to have been protecting yourselve your whole life - getting pregnant - from something that afterall is a ...miracle.
so, it's been a year of being open to the idea with my partner (he has a daughter, i was pregnant once, we are over 30, healthy, thought it would be just like that!). third month and i went to hospital due to weird period - little panic attack, realizing it's not easy to look so closely to our body. i am regular. it kept going, some breaks in ttc due to much stressy two week wait, and doubts - the universe doesnt want our baby to come.
i have made the blood exams for progesterone etc., will have eco; also started with folic and iodine (hate pills though and eat very well); I feel all is well with my body and his; just the mechanics of it (getting there!!) is proving challenging.
this gives so much time to think... i have no idea what to do with life if this turns out to be the 'infertility news'; so much i'm in sick leave. keeping busy in the farm, the perfect house to 'breed' a blissful family life. hummmmm... dream have came true to me, can this one too?
should or shouldnt we talk more about it, imagine names, and education decisions, start reading the natural motherhood books, preparing?
how do you cope with the idea of maybe not becoming a mother at all and how that changes your life meaning perspective?

 

[KateC14]

Because I am older (took DH quite a while to open up to the idea of children and now he is just as "desperate" as I am), I know TTC will likely be an uphill battle.

I often think about what life will be like whether we succeed or not at having a baby. I try to concentrate on other aspects of my life that I will focus on if children don't happen. I can't say those areas will make me "more" happy, but it gives me something to focus rather than being sad (or feeling sorry for myself). I try to leave it in God's hands but that is easier said than done.

Every now and then during the TWW, I find myself thinking about a possible daughter or son and their life. I admit I try not to think about them too much because when AF shows up, it hurts too much.