How many kids can you handle?

[christinelle]

We had a conversation today with DH regarding family size. He has two siblings and claims his parents were unfit all along but got way worse after the 3rd child. His argument was that two people (with jobs and no help from nannies or other caretakers) cannot take care of more than two kids and should not have more.
I was taken aback, not because I want more than two kids but because I might and I'd like to have that option. It's not worth fighting over it now, obviously, but I think his personal bad experience in a family of 3 kids has affected him way too much.
What do you think? Does anyone have more than two, a full time job, no help and still able to maintain sanity?

 

[Eleanor ace]

I've heard quite a few people say that they found the 3rd child fitted in and didn't cause any more "work". I'm one of three and my parents never seemed stressed, in fact my mum said that 3 was easier than 2 as we entertained each other more.

 

[tallybee]

Obviously every family is different, circumstances etc. Not everyone takes to parenting the same.

Your dh is projecting his experience and assuming that it's the same for everyone which it clearly isn't.

 

[Noodlebear]

My situation isn't the same as I'm 1 of 6 but that's made up of half/step siblings as well. My mum has 3 kids and we all lived with her, she didn't work full time and we were pretty skint but I didn't ever notice, on the flip side of that we could've been totally miserable. I think the situation is what you make of it, it depends on you as people not whether or not you are working etc. Families aren't as black and white as your OH is making them out to be.

 

[DonnaBallona]

I have 3 aged 5 and under, I am a SAHM and work evenings and weekends.

granted, our situation is a little different as #3 didn't come and 'slot in' like we were expecting him to- he has many medical issues which are proving extremely difficult to get around- but I'd say 80% of the time I feel like coping really well.

we have some weeks where I feel like iv struggled but mainly we have a wonderful time, we aren't mega short of money and the children all love each other to bits which makes everything right

each family is different

 

[2ndprincess]

Honestly? Sometimes I can't handle the one I have so I'll be maxed out at 2. I realize that most people can handle more than me though!

 

[aimee-lou]

I'd say I can definitely 'handle' my 3. I'm a SAHM and all of mine are at home (apart from 2 pre-school sessions a week for eldest) with me all the time.

I think with routine, organisation, teamwork and clear communication you can handle as much or as little as gets thrown at you. I really struggle though with other people's children though. I don't know why. If I end up baby-sitting or watching someone else's children I get really over-whelmed. I think maybe because I can't control them as well, or I don't feel able to communicate with them. I don't know.

But, 3 is definitely do-able.

 

[Eternal]

I have three about to have my 4th, although it wasn't planned that way, I wanted two, and then perhaps another 2 much later on, but when TTC number two I had twins, so I went from 1 to 3 lol and this one is a surprise! So I'll have 4!

All my children are very happy children, they certainly don't lack for anything and although my time is stretched between them, they certainly don't lack attention.

However it is challenging my eldest has autism and suspected ADHD, he can be violent and dofficuly at times, but we manage him very well really, school really struggle with him but at home we know his triggers and we are strict and it helps. Also having twins is difficult in the sense I have two children the same age, two going through the terrible twos lol.

I wouldn't say it's easy and I do feel over whelmed a lot, but really its down to my eldest's issues not the amount of children. My children get all our time and effort (and money). I think each child is different, each parent and family also, how one copes or doesn't does not mean another won't or will.

 

[Iveneverseen]

Your husband shouldn't judge everyone like that just because his parents and maybe he couldn't look after any more then 2 children. looking more than 2 children is not rocket science. lol

 

[Sour_Skittle]

I have two... Expecting my 3rd.

Currently I have been a SAHM for a year and a half. I find being a SAHM so much more difficult with two small children and keeping my sanity is hard. BUT when I had a job and my one, my little girl and I had the best relationship. I think I spent more time with her when I had a job than when I am a SAHM... I know sounds awful.

But each person is different. I'm not the SAHM type. I get overwhelmed with the constant need of attention from mommy... So having a job gives me that adult break I need and a time to be to myself and actually think and clear my mind.

When I have my third I will be going back to school to get my degree, and I know it will be much better for all of us and my children will be happy and mommy will be happy.

He can't judge his experience as how it would be with everyone because everyone is different obviously.

Some ppl are great SAHM parents, some do better working and then coming home with their children. (ME).

 

[kerrie24]

I can handle 48 at breakfast club haha but yeah I often have my 3 plus my 16 month old niece and thats fine.I know people with less who dont cope as well.

 

[wamommy]

I think it totally depends on the parents and the situation. I have 3 and am expecting #4, and I absolutely feel overwhelmed at times, but we manage! I have friends with 6 kids who put me to absolute shame with how wonderful they are with their kids. I also have friends with ONE child who struggle. I think (like most things in life) the amount of effort you put in and the attitude you bring to the table with effect how well you cope with whatever number of kids you have.

 

[jenstar]

I find my 3 quite easy tbh. They are 5 and a half, nearly 4, and 1. We both work full time and we have childcare for when we are both working at the same time. (It is part time childcare cos that's all we need with doing shift work.) I'd be interested to see how any family with two full time working parents copes without child care! Or have I misunderstood what your husband meant?!

 

[Eleanor ace]

I find my 3 quite easy tbh. They are 5 and a half, nearly 4, and 1. We both work full time and we have childcare for when we are both working at the same time. (It is part time childcare cos that's all we need with doing shift work.) I'd be interested to see how any family with two full time working parents copes without child care! Or have I misunderstood what your husband meant?!

DH and I both work but I work from home so we don't need childcare, maybe he's thinking of that? But really, if its do-able with 2 its do-able with 3, if that's what you want you'll make it work

 

[weebubba]

I managed with four as a single parent, my ex thought he'd be happier playing away from home so I made it a permanent move for him. I didn't choose this option but somehow you manage fine.

My OH and I now manage 5 as he has a LO too. Currently trying for a little miracle to share!

Family size is up to those concerned for some people 1 is enough. My mother is one of 7 and father one of 4 and I am one of 3.

Sometimes it's stressful and a handful but mostly I enjoy it.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I feel 100%"comfortable with my 3 on my own. I am mostly on my own with them. Its no big deal. I do have bigger age gaps though (10,8 and 1) this helped. Not sure 3 would have felt the same with a smaller gap though? I do have hard days but I can definitely cope and I dont rely on any babysitters or family to help xx

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I do understand your OH though. My partners mum used lots of childcare and babysitters for him and he did say he resents her for that so we do things differently. I guess your partners experience really affected him

 

[seoj]

I'll be honest- I think some people are nutso! haha. Especially those with like 20 kids... I mean, I would honestly lose my frackin mind! I say this as a married parent of 2 kids... so that concept is foreign to me!

Personally- I LOVE having 2. We also have a 14yr age gap- so it's honestly really easy raising both girls. I get the fun teenage moments with my SD (who we've always had full time)- so we can get pedis, or do lunch or talk about boys... but then I have my LO to have all those toddler moments with. It's amazing!

I think though- no matter what your situation- it's so personal. No one else can tell you what is right for you. Would I tell everyone "wait 14yrs to have another!"-- well, no. But for us that is how it happened- obviously due to circumstances... and being that I'm 40 now and we had fertility issues... I feel so blessed, I cannot imagine it better. So yea, we are good. But if I was younger and wanted another- I'd go for it! I guarantee my hubby didn't think he'd ever have more after his divorce and raising his daughter full time for years before we met-- he'd had a vasectomy he was so sure!

But just look at us now He is so in love with both his girls- I see it on his face every single day... I know he couldn't imagine it any other way. Me either. Things will just be what they will be... whether we know it today or not.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Aw that is lovely xx

 

[wamommy]

I've decided I can't handle 4, lol... Too bad it's too late! I'm struggling today with the 3 that are already here, and MAJORLY stressing about the 4th. Some days I think I've got it in the bag, and then days like today hit where I think, "I am SO not cut out for this." I suppose it's normal to go back and forth!