How many MC's before you just stop trying?

[LunaBean]

As some of you know I've had 5 early losses the past 18 months TTC..and was just wondering when it's time to give up and stop trying? I've been for tests and get the results on the 16th November, but do I just keep trying if they come back normal?

Every loss is a potential baby and a potential life...is it fair to keep trying and losing all the babies? Or do I just put it down to 'one of those things' and realise something must have been wrong for the pregnancies to end?

I'm only asking cus I said Id stop trying after December, which means I have 1 more try before then, cus I doubt I'm pregnant this month. How do you decide?

 

[grandbleu]

I don't have an answer for you but just wanted to say so sorry for all your losses.

 

[Mindy_mini]

Im sorry that you've had to suffer such a lot of losses. I wont pretend to understand how you feel because I have never been through a loss but I did support a friend through her MC and I always understood that she had lost her future child not just a few cells as some people see early losses.

In answer to your question about when to quit, well thats something only you can answer and I think its also something that you shouldnt even think about until you have your test results. the results might show that you just need a bit of hormone therapy, it might show that you arent able to carry a fetus/child - its all just speculation at the moment. Until you have that information, I dont see how you can even think about when is the right time to give up.

I hope that the tests reveal something which is treatable so that you can go on to have a sucessful pregnancy and you find your happiness in the near future.
xxx

 

[Omi]

Hi hun,

I have to agree with above post. Only you can decide what is best for you. I do hope with all my heart they find something. And even if they don't. Should you decide to keep trying don't stop looking for answers - cause they should be out there and there other tests to try as well.

All the best and good luck, whatever you decide to do

 

[LunaBean]

Thanks girls I don't wana stop trying really, but I don't wana be still putting everything on hold to keep trying for the next 2/5/10 years! Part of me hopes there's nothing wrong and its just bad luck, but the other part hopes something is, so at least it might be able to get fixed!!

 

[MrsNicols]

dont give up hun.my friend was a test tube baby,she in her 30s now.her mum had 28 MCs before she had her on her 40th birthday.what a present! Please seek out all medical help and tests b4 you give up. Your halfway there getting pregnant x

 

[Chilli]

What a question? I think you give up when you don't have te strength to keep going - the way it puts your whole life on hold can be torture - we have had 5 losses (3mmcs and 2 chems) since trying to have a second child - it's like it's just all stopped working - but so far our desire to have another child is still stronger than our fear of losing our next baby. I had all the tests and was told aspirin would sort out the prob.s - that was before my mmc this week - so now I figure it's just a numbers game. My Mum told me that my baby's just waiting for the right little body to come back to me - I find that thought more comforting than to think I'm losing child after child. Praying it will happen for us both someday soon!

 

[LunaBean]

Chilli that's such a lovely thought..I never thought of it that way! At the minute my desire to have a baby is stronger than the fear of losing more, but I don't know how long that'll last. I'm on aspirin at the minute, the doctor said he might start me on heparin, depending on the test results. I hope we both get our forever babies soon!

 

[lauralou25]

Hi hun I often ask myself the same question I've had 3 mcs in the last year I've had 2 sets of bloods which came back clear and I had a transvaginal ultrasound done and have a appointment with a consulatant next week! I already have a son who's nearly 5 and I long to give him a sibling! Sometimes I sit here and think maybe its just not meant to be and often wonder wether I should just give up? I too myself question my future and I have so many plans but often put them on hold as I think oh but what if I fall pregnant etc?? I think if I don't fall pregnant soon I might give up but then the seire for me to have another baby does not go away and my maternal instincts and broodyness kick in!! Sorry for the long essay lol! X

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Aww hun you will get there I know you will, I've had 4 mc's and a few chems and hopefully finally expecting a healthy baby. It's so unfair, I thought after every loss next time I'll stop trying but deep down I knew I never could!

How do you give up on something you so desperately want? If you stopped trying would your desire to want children just go away? I think the pain of living without children will be much harder than the pain of multiple mc's especially if there's no medical reason why you can't carry a child which hopefully there's not.xxx

 

[Chilli]

I just feel as though there's still something missing - you know those times when you're sat on the beach as a family and there's still space for one more - I wanted 2 more but will compromise with God, mother nature or whoever it is in control of this all and settle for one!

 

[LunaBean]

I think the pain of living without children will be much harder than the pain of multiple mc's especially if there's no medical reason why you can't carry a child which hopefully there's not.xxx

That's exactly it..tho I don't think OH feels the same way..having a baby isn't the be all and end all for her..but it is for me..I get a physical pain when I think of never having kids..and she doesn't at all, she's ok either way.

Ahh I duno..guess Id better just kep trying!!

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Never give up hun, I promise your time will come and you will be so glad you didn't.xx

 

[hippylittlej]

I've only had one mc, but I agree with everyone who says you try until you don't have the strength to try any more.

I hope your test results give you some answers.

 

[Sassy_TTC]

See I bet your so glad you never gave up

 

[Bittersweet]

i second that (SassyTTC)^ congrats

my honest answer is never. I cant let go of my dream i really can't. I do have a m,edical reason for my mcs (i have a blood clotting disorder so would be taking aprin and probs clexane injections)

but i dont care id walk on hot coals if it meant id get ym forever baby. Huge :hugs to you all for your MCs.
xxxx

 

[chevelle383]

Only you know when to admit defeat, but Ive a feeling yor stronger than that. If it reall becomes overwhelming, take a break for 6 months or a year or 2. Best of luck.

 

[BBgirl]

I'm so sorry to hear of your awful 18 months. I had a miscarriage 2 years ago (10 weeks after seeing the baby's heartbeat on the scan) and then a year ago, at 8 weeks. I'm 41 and just haven't got over the loss of our two babies. Your body has been on a rollercoaster ride, pregnant, miscarrying, grieving for 18 months. My friend had 7 miscarriages and has now had a lovely healthy baby girl. When I feel despair I remind myself that I just need to be patient and not give up hope. I don't know your age or medical history, but from my reading 50-70% of women do have a baby even after recurrent miscarriages. I know it's annoying to hear people say what I'm about to say (it did annoy me too!) but you are an amazingly fertile couple, which makes the odds in your favour! You said you have two options: to give up trying or to put the rest of your life on hold. But there is a third: keeping the door open to hope but trying to remember what you love about life, and start to rediscover the little things that give you joy. I guarantee there will be something you don't do any more because of your grief, and that something will give you a little joy back. I have taken up bird-watching this year in my garden, and putting the food out for the hungry birds in the frosty winter helps me in a small way, because I know my food is helping save many birds from starvation. Could you book a few days away for a change of scene? Nobody can understand your pain, because everyone is going through a different experience. But you're not alone.

 

[Rowan75]

big hugs luna so sorry for your losses x

thanks ladies for your inspiring words you give me faith x

 

[LunaBean]

Well all the test results at the recurrent miscarriage clinic were normal, being referred to a speciaist, but there's a 12 month waiting list, then up to a year for more tests, so guess a baby is on hold for the next few years