How much does your husband do?

[Starlight32]

I'm curious how much your husbands do for baby. I'm having frustrations towards mine and I'm not sure if hormones are making me unreasonable.

 

[jodilee6]

I'd say it's about a 60/40 split in out household but we do have an older child as well

I do all the night wakeups and care when he's at work but when he's at home we just work together

 

[loeylo]

It depends on our work.

If we are both off, 50/50. We are really lucky that she has pretty much always slept through since my OHs paternity finished, so there are no night feeds/changes. During the weekend each of us has one morning off, and for the rest of the day we take turns. If one of us ends up doing more childcare, the other will do more housework.

When my oh is working and I'm off, I do 100% of the chores and childcare duties, but he plays with her after work while I sort dinner and tidy up. He might change the odd nappy, but he doesn't "have" to.

When I'm working and he is off, he does 100% and I just do the "fun" tasks.

Oh, and we each have certain tasks that we always do. I have never bathed her alone, my OH does her bath. My OH rarely looks out her clothes or sorts her bag.

Overall, its pretty even but I do think that if one parent has been at work all day and the other has been home with baby then the one who has been at home should definitely do the bulk of housework/childcare - we both have stressful jobs and childcare and housework is definitely the easier task - but everyone has a different view on this (I distinctly remember people on here telling me id change my mind on this one after mat leave/when baby was mobile/once the newborn stage was over, but I still believe a day at work is harder! And my child is going through a difficult stage just now)

If he isn't pulling his weight, definitely speak to him about it! It takes two to make a baby and I don't think that the mother should be the primary caregiver because she has the vagina - unless both parents are okay with this arrangement.

 

[Starlight32]

I'm not back at work yet and he is working full time, so I do everything- daytime care and nighttime care- most days. He will hold or play with her a bit in the evenings but he likes me around helping when he does this in case she starts crying (which is fine). My husband has off today and stayed up late playing video games last night, so he was going to sleep around the time of her first nightly feed. He asked me if I wanted him to feed her and I said sure but don't talk to her or she won't go back to sleep. He didn't listen and talked to her during the entire change and feed. It might not be connected, but she was then up all night! When she didn't go back to sleep right away, he started complaining saying that he was doing me a favor as he shouldn't be doing nightly feedings etc. It just annoyed me. I got up and stayed up with her for a few hours until she went back down in her crib. I was fine with that as I had already gotten two hours of sleep while he hadn't gotten any since he had been up, but I hated that he told me he was "doing me a favor" by feeding her during her first nightly feeding before he went to bed himself.

 

[loeylo]

That would definitely annoy me.

My OH would usually do late nights in the early days and id do mornings.

It isn't a "favour" its parenting!

 

[highhopes19]

It feels like I do everything... He does work I'll give him that but I go back to work next month so I'm curious as to how it's going to pan out!

I do every night.... On the occasional night he does I have to wake him and then he moans I try to go back to sleep and he'll deliberately wake me up.... Pees me right off!!

Men!!

The jobs he does do are really half hearted... Like he'll sit playing on his phone whilst upstairs getting them ready or something x

 

[karlilay]

Absolutely nothing. Well, he goes to work, he sorts the older kids out, plays with them etc etc, generally hes the fun one.
The rest of it, i do. Cooking, cleaning, feeds, washing up, making bottles, feeding & changing the baby. But that is my preference, and its how i like it.

 

[Twag]

I do the childcare so all the night wake ups, feeds (but BF so he can't do that) everything really for the children

He walks the dog and does the dinner for me and him

We share the housework probably 60/40 him/me

We both work full time

 

[Pinkee]

You know, not as much as I'd like, I think I had to ask the majority of the time for nappy changes ..etc until we established a routine . dad's breakfast and morning chores. It's easier to delegate the sections of the day here

 

[jessmke]

I do most of the childcare duties at the moment because I am on maternity leave and am breastfeeding. When my OH is off work he is renovating our house so I usually take care of our DD but if I want to go out somewhere or do something without her then he is more than willing to stop whatever he is working on to look after her. He has been working on the house for two years and really wants to get it finished (the original plan was to have it finished before DD was born but it takes a long time when he is doing everything himself!) so it doesn't bother me that I have to ask him to watch her. If he was sitting around watching tv all day and leaving all the childcare up to me then I would be annoyed.

He does night wakings that aren't hunger related if he doesn't work the next day, but those don't happen very often. He does diaper changes, does her evening bath/massage/pj's if he isn't at work, and plays with her whenever he takes a break from house stuff. If I've been up with DD at night quite a bit due to a growth spurt or something he will take her when she wakes up in the morning so I can sleep in.

I tend to do the most housework because I am home all day, but he has no problem cleaning up or doing the dishes or whatever if I was busy and didn't get to it during the day. I would say we split cleaning 50/50 when we are both working full time. He always cooks dinner every night (even when he has just come home from working a 12 hr shift) and often will prep food for me to have for lunch the next day. If he goes away for a few days he often will bbq a bunch of chicken and make a big salad in the fridge or something so I have dinners to eat (I am not incapable of cooking, I just don't enjoy cooking and he likes it so it works out for us!).

All in all I would say he does a lot, I just do a bit more because I am home on maternity leave. Once I go back to work I expect we will split everything 50/50.

One night DD was crying hysterically and I was apparently sleeping through it. My OH poked me and said "can't you hear that?", so I got up and fed her. In the morning I was mad and he had no idea why, he had no recollection of saying that to me and was horrified that he did that! For the next three nights he would shoot out of bed as soon as DD would start crying and race into her room, by the time I would get in there he would be holding her and would tell me that he thinks she's hungry. Haha, thanks buddy. I had to tell him to stop getting up when she needs to be fed, and that I didn't think he was a "deadbeat dad" because of what he did in his sleep several nights earlier.

 

[Crosby]

I do 99% of housework and childcare. He works and pays the bills.

Whilst i dont mind doing all the housework whilst off work, its starting to piss me off how little time he spends with our daughter.

This is a sore subject for us and im just waiting for a good time to have a "talk" with him.

😠😠😠😠

 

[dani_tinks]

My husband does all he can when he's at home to help out. I'd say we're very much 50/50. Of course I do the majority of housework when he's at work but he really is very hands on when he's here. He washes up and will cook every now and again. Turns the washing machine on, cleans bottles. Will feed both children etc. He's really good bless him.

 

[jessmke]

I do 99% of housework and childcare. He works and pays the bills.

Whilst i dont mind doing all the housework whilst off work, its starting to piss me off how little time he spends with our daughter.

This is a sore subject for us and im just waiting for a good time to have a "talk" with him.

😠😠😠😠

I had to have that talk with my OH. He was always willing to look after our DD, but didn't really play with her. He was uncomfortable doing silly noises, funny faces, etc that little babies like. I told him to suck it up and do it anyways, because that's what babies like and it's how they bond. He is building her a pirate ship play structure in the yard and putting up a zip line and tire swing, etc so I think he is really looking forward to her being a bit older so he can play with her on those things, but I told him he doesn't get to just "wait it out" until she is old enough to do play that is fun for him. He got the message and plays well with her now.

 

[SpringCrane]

Our schedule is he gets up with our 3 y/o at 6:15. They both get breakfast and play until 7:15. I'm caring for baby who wakes around 6 for a feed, and then goes back to sleep in our bed. If I'm tired, I snooze also but usually I'm on my phone doing things like ordering diapers, paying bills, planning trips, etc. Husband showers and leaves by 7:45. I'm home alone with boys after that. Most of our day is playing, activities, and errands. Husband usually works until 4 then runs an hour or hour and a half. Home at 5:30-6. 3 y/o is usually finishing dinner so they play together until 7. While playing, my husband is usually doing things around the house or yard at the same time. I usually take that time to feed and rock baby if he's fussy, if not, then I'll also be doing house stuff. I bathe boys while husband showers. Then he makes us dinner while I put boys down. I bedshare with baby and husband sleeps on couch. He deals with any (infrequent) wakings from older son, and I do all night care for baby.

In truth, I'm a horrible housewife. If I can get the kitchen clean and laundry done, it's been a very successful day. I find it really hard to manage the house and two kids. After I've fed the baby and cared for him, I'll play with my older son, then baby will need me again... We have a small house and my older son is a light sleeper, so I try to stay very quiet during nap time, limiting what I can do then.

So... weekends and evenings hit and my husband does a lot of house stuff. Every few weeks I'll run out for errands solo while he watches both boys. He runs for a few hours every Saturday and Sunday morning.

I have a lot of guilt about being such a lame SAHM, especially since my MIL was perfection embodied... but he's never once complained. Instead he showers me with love and appreciation and never hesitates to do whatever needed to get our life/house/kids in order.

My husband is much better at bonding with baby this time. He cared for our first from the start, but didn't really engage with him until he was able to play. But with that said, he really doesn't spend a lot of time with baby since he's usually focused on our older son.

 

[Spudtastic]

Wit my first daughter I did everything. My daughter woke up hourly in the night for two years and we were up for the day from 4.30 to 5am. (She's been sleeping better the last 1.5 years but still wakes up at least once). I also worked on our business and was extremely tired and exhausted for a long time.
My dh does work 6.5 days per week on our business.
I was very resentful that I did all the night work, early mornings and late nights.

When I was pregnant with dd2 I tried to get him to do the nighttime with dd1. I think he did it twice.

Now that dd2 is here I'm asserting myself more and he does more. He reads stories to dd1 now about 2 to 3 times a week, he cooks half the week and sometimes cleans the kitchen.
I think it's easier for him to play with dd1 now that she's older and they have fun together rather than just him watching a baby.
Dd2 sleeps at night too so I'm feeling surprisingly restful for havING a 5 month old as well as a 3 year old.

 

[Bumblebee117]

I am very lucky, mine does everything since the last pregnancy. He takes care of the (very active 4 year old) twins, washing, cooking, shopping. I do what I can - ie.: he sticks the wash on, I hang and fold the clothes, he puts them away. He shops, I put food away into fridge and cupboards, he cooks, I put dishes in dishwasher and clean kitchen after. I think we are a pretty good team!

 

[crownest]

We share everything. He works 10/ 11 hour days comes home plays with baby while I cook he cleans up. Afterwards he will bath DS if needed and get him ready for bed. I do the day to day cleaning and all shopping and cooking at weekends he will do heavy duty ie floors and will scrub bathrooms with steamer. I do all laundry but that's my choice it's easy to do during the day. I do most of the night time wakenings and all the feeds because I bf and he doesn't wake but I'll get a lie in at weekends unless he's really tired he will get up and give the DS breakfast and hangout with him. I'm going away this weekend so he will have him from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon.

 

[AngelofTroy]

About 40/60 housework, A LOT more than when our first this age!

 

[Marumi]

I think it is pretty even, 50/50.

We pass the baby back and forth. I take care of the kids a bit more while he does more household like all cleaning duties. I pick up clutter and organize because he is not good at that. If the baby wakes too early we take turns with naps

 

[tiffanyvd87]

While I was on maternity leave, I did everything. Cooked, cleaned, took care of both of our children. All he had to do was go to work and come home to a hot meal and a clean home. Now that I have gone back to work, my hubby has stepped up his game. He now takes care of the girls when I am at work, cooks, and cleans up after himself and the girls.