how much more do i have to cope with!! :(

[hereigoagaino]

hi everyone, i didnt think i would ever here myself say this again but it looks like im going it alone AGAIN!!!!

im so upset right now i think i may need counseling at some point before this baby is born

im a mum of 4,been a single mum on and off for the whole of my adult life, basicaly everyone ive ever met has let me down at some point

im 29 weeks pregnant with baby number 5 and just made the decision tonight that im better off alone AGAIN!!

i did it all the right way around this time!! we met,fell in love, got married,planned a baby, got pregnant....he was my best friend, the one person i could trust. sooo different from the rest
i loved him (still do) with all my heart, and what has he done in return....cheated

sooooo single mum again!!! im already a mummy to a 16 yr old and 13 yr old, same dad (he ran off with a woman old enough to be my nan!) 8 yr old (his dad beat me & cheated on me) and 5 yr old (his dad beat me and was a control freak and didnt trust me)

i feel so alone! scared! i havent stopped crying in over 24 hours and dont feel like i ever will.

how could he do this to me
i love him so much, he is the best thing that has happened to me,well so i thought.

 

[littlekitten8]

Oh hun I'm sorry You sound like an amazingly strong woman, even though you may not feel like it right now. I know this is probably a silly question but have you sat down and talked to him? Maybe he is just petrified of being a father. I'm not condoning what he did so please don't think that. Men have very odd reactions to things! Just remember that we are all here when you want to rant or ask questions etc

 

[sophiew]

Oh honey, I feel awful for you! At least you have the strength to do this. You know you can get through it. x

 

[chels24uk]

oh huni im so sorry I know you can get through this. You may even decide that you can both work at it, but if you dont decide that, i totaly understand! Remember, we're all here for you if you need someone to talk to or just rant to. *HUGS* xx

 

[hereigoagaino]

im not strong and i cant do it!!! not again!! how much more is life gonna throw at me? how much do you think someone can go through before they go mad, turn to drugs,end it all.....
i need counseling i think, medication,something. i am well and trully on my own with 4 kids and another one on the way!! how could i get it so wrong AGAIN!! , no family near by, and they are not much of a family anyway, no friends, well not ones that wont go round the school playground repeating everything ive said!!
this is my worst migtmare! all over again, for the 4th time!!! i wish he had died instead of this at least then i would know he didnt have a choice.
He says he hasnt cheated but im not so sure and my head is spinning and i dont know what to belive anymore!!!! around a year ago,(maybe a bit more) i found an email from a porn site that said he his video up load was ready for viewing, i went on it and it was a video of him having a **** over some womans knickers, i went into his profile and he had messages from men saying he loves to lick,smell,steal womens underwear, we had an argument over it and he basically said something about an ex of his who he just used to meet up for sex before he met me, and now she has been back in touch and he is just playing along with it.
i dont even know now what lies he said to get out of it and i didnt belive it at the time, i just buried my head in the sand and prayed nothing like this would happen again.
everything went on as before and i learned to trust him again.
untill tuesday night!! he went to bed and left the laptop on, i wanted to check my emails so i typed in hotmail and what i thought was my email page came up (i often forget to log out of things)but it was his. i noticed a womans name straight away who is one of his friends on facebook, the email said *** *** has sent you a message on facebook. there was so many of them!!!! about 10 a day and over about 4 pages of emails!!! they said things like "Mmmm that sounds good" "you can cum on my tattoo"
"do you want to come to mine or is that too risky" ect ect... i wont go on as im sure you get the idea i didnt want to read anymore so i went upstairs and told him what id seen, straight away he said she is crazy and he cant get rid of her, its all her and harmless fun, he finds the messages funny and just went along with it out of boredom!!!!! he never met up with her, they have been friends for years,used to be neighbours when he lived with his ex and she is in someway related to his ex, he loves me and cant lose me, basicaly all the crap they always give you when they have been caught out!!!! he says they havent met up, do i belive him? if he can do this what else has he been up 2?? im such a mess, cant eat or sleep. he said he will go if thats what i want, he keeps hugging me and i just keep crying all the time, he has cryed a few times with me saying he cant loose me, im the best thing that has happened to him ect ect ect bla bla bla!!!! how can that be true if he can do this!!! ive taken all our wedding photos down as i cant look at them without thinking our marriage is one big joke, and nothing makes any sense anymore!!!
he isnt scared of being a dad, he has 2 kids from previos relationships and he has lived with my kids for over 4 years, this baby was very much planned and he never stops talking about her and what he imagines her to be like when she is here, always stroking my belly and back when im in pain.

ive got nothing left inside me, no fight anymore, ive had enough of it all!!!!! someone please tell me what to do

 

[billy2mm]

no one can tell you what to do sadly.

in your gut do you think he actually slept with her? to me all the emails and stuff are cheating but if thats all it is you might be able to get over it.

i think you both need some marriage counsilling to find out the truth and whether you can both work this out or if its the end of the road.

maybe he was just a stupid little boy who got flattered by a bit of attention and got carried away. maybe he was planning on cheating and chickened out? maybe he was just playing along with her coz he was bored?

the only way you will get the answers you need to decide your future and move on whatever way you want is to sit down and talk it all out and get to full truth out of him. it will hurt. you will cry and scream and want to run away but afterwards you will at least have the full picture of what went on so you can make your mind up.

 

[chels24uk]

oh huni that sounds like exactly what my ex used to do to me. I know how painful it is. You do need to sit down and get the full story with neither of you running away. Only problem being, will you believe what he says?

Maybe go on a break so you can clear your head and decide what you want from there. Counselling may be a good idea to.

Im sorry im not to good at the advise, but i know my ex did this to me for 6 years and it turned out he WAS cheating and i just wanted to die! But came out of it the otherside just about!

Take time out for yourself, clear your head, maybe set up some counselling sessions. xxx