How often does your child say mean things?

[EcoMama]

My oh is really hurt as my 5yr old ds said some hurtful things to h this morning.... I don't like you, I wish you were in work on Christmas day etc...

We get regular outbursts of I hate you, I don't want to be part of this family etc etc. he is also a really loving little boy.

But my oh can't understand that this is normal child behavior!

How often do your children lash out or say hurtful things? Just so I can get some perspective that it's not just our child!

 

[hattiehippo]

I get lots of 'you're not my friend anymore' and 'I don't like you mummy and I'm not playing with you now'. Always when he's cross with me for whatever reason.

It's really normal! My DS has a school friend who is constantly shouting things like this at his mum as soon as he doesn't get his own way. I also have a friend at work whose DD used to write little notes saying how much she hated mummy and daddy - lovely, kind girl now she's a bit older!

I know some parents do find it hurtful but I try and think of it as him letting being cross out and he knows it's safe to say things like that to me because he is secure in how much I love him. Plus it's a normal part of growing up to push against your parents especially if they won't let you do what you want.

 

[OmarsMum]

I had "I hate you and I'm leaving this house" , on his 5th birthday. It was hurtful.

We have something similar from time to time, I dont get cross, I show him that he hurt my feelings, he is very affectionate and he apologises immediately while asking are you ok are you still sad on and on.

I had "I will find a new mum", "I'm not talking to you anymore", "you are giving me headache" , " Stop whining" , "you know nothing" and so on

 

[hattiehippo]

I was thinking about this today and there is a lovely book by Debbie Gliori called 'No matter what' - it's all about how we will always love them however grumpy and horrible they are....kind of a way of seeing it from the kid's perspective.

 

[Jchihuahua]

Tommy told me I am a mean and naughty mummy and he wanted me to unlock the front door so he could go and find a nicer mummy to live with yesterday!

 

[EcoMama]

Thanks everyone .... Its normal then

I'll have a look at that book hattie, thanks

Also, ds is going through a grumpy phase, no sense of humour! Which doesnt help with his mean outbursts!

 

[Vickie]

Pretty much whenever she doesn't get her way

Completely normal and though it's hard I do try not to take it personally

 

[rosie272]

Charlie's favourite one is "I'm finding a new Mum" usually after I've refused an unreasonable request/demand of some sort! I don't take it personally and just tell him good luck finding one as lovely as me

It's definitely normal though!

 

[seoj]

My oldest hasn't... that I can think of? That doesn't mean she doesn't DO hurtful things- lol- but she's never said "I hate you" or anything even close. I've been her full time step-mom since she was 9yrs- so I was told it would happen (eventually)- but she's 17 now... so, I think we are past it? LOL. She'll certainly hurt my feelings though- but not "on purpose"- but yeah... it happens for sure! Especially lately since she's too busy to really spend much time with us at all. But that's another post! LOL.

MY LO though (3yo)- will tell hubby "go away" or "I want mommy" or "dooooooon't"... and she'll push him away. I know it kinda hurts his feelings- but he also knows it's totally normal (having gone through the younger years with his oldest). LO went through a stage when she did this to me at times- and yes, it stings!!!! Not gonna lie. I just reminded myself they are fickle little beings. and now, apparently, she's a total mommy's girl!!! She still loves her Daddy and is very affectionate and loving- but she just get's in these mods where she doesn't want him near her- only me.

 

[RachA]

Neither of mine have ever said anything like 'I hate you' or 'I want a new mummy/daddy' etc. They are 7 and 5.

Both have expressed a preference for me over OH on a number of occasions.

At the present time I can't imagine the 7 year old saying these things to me (pretty sure he will when he's older though). He's very sensitive and although he will be grumpy etc he's never deliberately mean.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Oh God all the time, particularly since starting reception. His "best friend" is a horrible little boy and I have a feeling that has something to do with it. That and the fact that I'm the strict one (compared to nanny, aunties and non-resident daddy who don't impose any rules), so he gets frustrated with me.
I play along tbh, if he tells me he doesn't want to live with me anymore I offer to pack his bags

It's when he's not trying to hurt me that it actually bothers me. He came to me a few days ago and said "I hope you don't mind but I've told Daddy I love him more than you, he's just nicer". He was so sincere about it I couldn't be angry at him, but I cried for hours!

 

[EcoMama]

I get that too Kate&Lucas!.... Whenever Tom says he loves me he always follows with but I love Daddy more!.... He doesn't do it to hurt, and ive kinda got used to it .... Which is probably why dh gets more upset when ds says things he doesnt really mean!

 

[xprincessx]

My 4 year old often says to my OH that he only loves mummy and not him. My poor OH was already feeling a bit emotional one time and actually started crying when Callum said it once!! Callum looked concerned and said that he loves daddy too.

 

[dani_tinks]

Jacob went through a phase of saying 'i hate you' but it didn't last long when I explained how mean it was. He normally just shouts 'its not fair, you're mean' followed by a very long raspberry and I let him stamp it out.

 

[Jchihuahua]

As I mentioned before Tommy often says mean things to me or his dad but Daisy never ever would. She is very, very sensitive to hurting people's feelings and she cries if she thinks she has said or done something that she considers to be unkind to anyone. She even cries sometimes if Tommy says something mean to me as she is worried in case my feelings will be hurt! I think Tommy's behaviour is probably the more usual of the two though!

 

[EcoMama]

Jchih.... My friends dd is like your dd, my brother was like that too.
My ds is very loving but its when hes grumpy he says mean things, its good to know its normal

 

[pinkribbon]

Honestly... He says things like this all the time. He's only 4, but I do find it really hurtful and don't know why he says them. I never speak to him like that but I'm constantly getting told 'I'm not talking to you' 'go away' etc etc

 

[EcoMama]

I've come to the conclusion that its completely normal! Thank you ..... Yesterday my ds told me that I wasn't his mum because I told him off!