How old is too old to start trying?

[ellie]

quite right ... i think biologically 'ideal time' (if there is one) is in one's twenties, but emotionally, or lifestyle-wise, people could be ready younger or not ready till later ... also not everyone's circumstances allows them to have babies at their 'ideal time', but that shouldn't preclude them from being good mothers no matter which end of the 'spectrum' they are at chronologically.

 

[Aria]

I think any time after 20ish and before 45.
Aria i resent that comment you just made, im 21 and have had to deal with more shit than some people double my age, i have been working for 5 years, living independantly for 2 years, had to bury a mother figger, iv been bullied, battled depression and been in an abusive relationship and your saying i havent had enough adult experiances?

the VAST majority of people who are 18, 19, 20, 21...

Also, I moved out on my own at 18 after battling an illness that nearly killed me. If you want to talk bullying, some of the kids who bullied me ended up in juvenile hall (kid jail) for shit they did to me. At 21, I was still dealing with a now-ex who thought it was his right to rape and hit me over the course of five years. I was hospitalized twice because the extent of my depression went to attempting suicide. But these aren't adult experiences. These are exceptionally shitty things that happened to happen.

Try living on your own with stability for several years, figuring out how you'd handle being laid off, the day-to-day things that come with living in the adult world. The exceptional shit we go through isn't what prepares us. It's the day-to-day living that prepares us and the learning we go through in the meantime.

I thought I was unspeakably mature when I was 21, 22 years old, from what I'd been through. (Wasn't long after that that I "buried" [cremated] my father after witnessing him shoot his brains out.) I can look back now and see myself more OBJECTIVELY. Yeah, I was more mature than a lot of others my age, but that didn't mean I was ready for all the adult responsibilities like I thought I was. That's the hard part, seeing ourselves objectively at the time. It's human nature to think we're the exceptions, that we are smarter, more mature, etc., than our peers. Rarely is it true, and it's easier to see in retrospect.

I ca tell though that you're going to insist that you are the major exception perfect in your experiences. Be my guest.

 

[leedsforever]

I still felt quite young at 22 but I now think its a very great time....

any time between early twenties and heading even to early 40s really

 

[lozzy21]

Aria if you are going to patronise me and think im going to bite, think again love because i am mature im not going to argue if thats what you think then thats what you think but the name of the thread was how OLD is to OLD to start trying.

 

[princessttc]

I personally know mums that had kids at 18 and 19 that are more mature and independent than others at 35.... I think its a very very personal thing.....
I think situations really vary and matter alot aswell...

 

[Vestirse]

Maturity can come at any age, but it is more likely to come later than sooner. That said, I don't think we can really make any sweeping generalizations about it and who has it at what age. Personally I think that sounds really preachy and judgmental. Every person matures at their own time. There are people who think they are ready for a baby and they actually are not. And then are those who think they are not, yet they turn out to be.

Scientifically, a girl's body is ready as soon as she has her period and is fertile (though fertility declines with age) until menopause. I personally wanted to be a mother at 25. It didn't work out that way because my partner wasn't 100% sure and I deemed him not ready so I waited because I ideally didn't want to do this alone. I will be 27 when this little one arrives.

 

[BlackBerry25]

I think you are never too old. I personally see nothing wrong with people in their 40's and 50's having children. My mom adopted a baby at 45. You cannot put an age limit on it.

 

[princessttc]

Maturity can come at any age, but it is more likely to come later than sooner. That said, I don't think we can really make any sweeping generalizations about it and who has it at what age. Personally I think that sounds really preachy and judgmental. Every person matures at their own time. There are people who think they are ready for a baby and they actually are not. And then are those who think they are not, yet they turn out to be.

I do agree with this.....If u were saying i sound preachy and judgemental im sorry i didnt want to make u feel that way... i was just trying to state that maturity can come at any age and couldnt quite word it aswell as u!

 

[Vestirse]

Maturity can come at any age, but it is more likely to come later than sooner. That said, I don't think we can really make any sweeping generalizations about it and who has it at what age. Personally I think that sounds really preachy and judgmental. Every person matures at their own time. There are people who think they are ready for a baby and they actually are not. And then are those who think they are not, yet they turn out to be.

I do agree with this.....If u were saying i sound preachy and judgemental im sorry i didnt want to make u feel that way... i was just trying to state that maturity can come at any age and couldnt quite word it aswell as u!

Oh definitely not hun!!! I saw your meaning loud and clear too

 

[kate.m.]

For me, i'd like to have my first child around age 26/27. Ive always wanted my first at that age, ever since i started thinking about it! Im 25 now, so who knows- i might even get what i want! (Just waiting for OH to want one now!)

If i want more after that (i want a big family), i guess i'll just keep having them untill i cant, or until ive got enough!! lol!!

I think that (excluding adoption) mother nature tells us when we're too old, and we cant really argue with her!

 

[golcarlilly]

I might get a lot of heat for this, but the VAST majority of people who are 18, 19, 20, 21, really are NOT as mature as they think. If you're in this age range, wait ten years and look back and I guarantee you you'll wonder how you thought you were years past your age in maturity. Just reaching the legal age of majority doesn't mean one has the maturity or wisdom or experience as an adult. 100 years ago people were expected to behave as adult starting by 13 or so, but nowadays people are encouraged to be kids as long as possible.

I second this, I got married age 21 and considered myself a 'grown-up' and 'mature', I had my DD when I was 24. It is only now looking back I realise that I hadn't fully developed then, I was married for almost 12 years (together for 14) and then OH and I realised we had grown up and become completely different people and decided to go our seperate ways.

I think life experiences definitely do serve to make people more mature (I lost my Dad through suicide when I was only 24 and arranging his funeral was a very sobering task!) but also age does play a factor and everyone ages at different rates.

Basically what I am saying I suppose is that only you will know when you are ready to TTC and to ultimately cope with the huge responsibility of bringing a new life into this world !!

 

[Blob]

To me i think 20-30 is the right age, my mum and my OHs mum were told they were 'old' when they had thei 3rd n 2nd babies at 30 and 31
I love the fact that im 20 and i'll not be old for Tabitha, though i think it really depends on your circumstances We have the money and a nice home not to have to worry about anything right now, i feel totally ready to have a baby.

 

[x-amy-x]

I'm glad i'm having my children now. And doubt that in 10 years time ill wish that i had waited

 

[poppy]

I think it is very much down to personal circumstances.

Like so many of you have said, biologically, you are more fertile when you are younger. However, a lot of people are not in the position to have a baby in their 20s - due to finances or having not found the right person. I know a friend of my parents who had a baby at 49. She had gone through a messy divorce in her 30s, found her present partner at 39 and ended up having two ectopic pregnancies - eventually she got pregnant at 48 and had her little girl and 49. She is a wonderful mum - circumstances just did not allow her to be one earlier. On the other hand, some people find themselves pregnant in their teens - that does not mean they won't be good mums even though they are so young themselves. They will be closer in ages to their kids and probably will have a good rapport with them and be able to run around with them easier. Also, many teens are much more responsible than some people older than them. I know some people in their 30s still acting like they are still at uni.

So, I think probably anytime from 20s through to mid 30s is ideal but anytime up to mid 40s is fine (if the mother is physically healthy). I got pregnant with Tristan at 30 and gave birth to him at 31. I thought this was a good age as I had achieved a lot in whilst in my 20s - university, travelling etc - although, I think I would have liked to have had a baby maybe a few years earlier, but hubbie was not really thinking of babies then!

Ultimately, I think the IDEAL time to have a baby should be seen as a COMBINATION of physical fitness, maturity and financial stability. I think financial stability is a big one as even though it doesn't change how well you will bring up your children or how much you will love them, bringing up a baby does cost a lot more than some people may think. Some think it is just the cost of nappies and baby clothes. If you are say, 17 and don't have financial independence or the support of family - you may find it a big struggle and are not able to give the baby things that he or she might need - including potentially investing in their future careers (ie university fees).

Again, everyone's situation is different.

Good luck to all WTT.

xxx

 

[aSh_x0x]

After reading all the posts in this thread i strongly disagree with some of the comments.
People earlier mentioned how they had been through so much -deaths, depression, suicide attempts etc..personally..i have no idea what this has to do with anything. My impression was that when some of you have said ive been through so many life experiences such as this this and this,... so that makes me ready to be a mother.

What are you actually constituting as life experiences?
Im not quite sure what 'life experiences' make you qualified to have a baby?

Just because i havent lost my family due to death or illness or just because i havent suffered from depression dosnt make me anyless ready for a baby.

Alot of the older women have said that they thought they were mature and ready for a baby in their early 20's and then 10 years down the track realised they werent, this dosn't mean that every other 20 year old who has or is contemplating having a baby will follow in your foot steps or think the same way.

Personally i dont think being ready for a baby has anything to do with life experiences or age, it soely depends on the maturity of the women. For those of you who are saying 19,20 and 21 is too young, your only basing this opinion on stereotypes, just because you yourself may not have been ready at that age, does not mean others that age are the same as u at that age. Its dont agree with saying "thats to young" or "thats to old" when seriouslly its just stereotypical because really..you have no idea their situation

 

[golcarlilly]

Personally my comments weren't made to justify my own readiness to have a baby, I was just saying that many people's maturity levels are a product of the things they have had to suffer, endure or just choices they have made in their lives and that I think maturity does have a bearing on how you cope with the responsibility of having a child. I think that maturity can come at any age but is a necessary factor in raising children - this is but my humble opinion - but that is what the OP asked - what age was right to TTC in YOUR opinion.

Hi guys,
At what age do YOU think is a good age to conceive a child?

 

[aSh_x0x]

Hi guys,
At what age do YOU think is a good age to conceive a child?

i understand this, and i have no problem with people stating their opinion on what age they think. Its the negativity i dont like where people say "19, 20, 21 is much to young etc etc"

This is where it annoyed me.

 

[Ella]

I have to say I agree with Ash.. People are more entitled than to say their opinions, especially when it's what the OP asks for but I doubt Aria personally knows the 'vast majority' of 19, 20, 21 year olds of the world and shouldn't generalise.. Had she said the 19, 20, 21 year olds I know.. Fair enough.
xx

 

[Blob]

After reading all the posts in this thread i strongly disagree with some of the comments.
People earlier mentioned how they had been through so much -deaths, depression, suicide attempts etc..personally..i have no idea what this has to do with anything. My impression was that when some of you have said ive been through so many life experiences such as this this and this,... so that makes me ready to be a mother.

What are you actually constituting as life experiences?
Im not quite sure what 'life experiences' make you qualified to have a baby?

Just because i havent lost my family due to death or illness or just because i havent suffered from depression dosnt make me anyless ready for a baby.

Alot of the older women have said that they thought they were mature and ready for a baby in their early 20's and then 10 years down the track realised they werent, this dosn't mean that every other 20 year old who has or is contemplating having a baby will follow in your foot steps or think the same way.

Personally i dont think being ready for a baby has anything to do with life experiences or age, it soely depends on the maturity of the women. For those of you who are saying 19,20 and 21 is too young, your only basing this opinion on stereotypes, just because you yourself may not have been ready at that age, does not mean others that age are the same as u at that age. Its dont agree with saying "thats to young" or "thats to old" when seriouslly its just stereotypical because really..you have no idea their situation

Thats so true, i've had tons of horrible experiences in my life so far. I've never thought that those things would improve my ability to be a good mum
But i havent read this post through..cos i'm lazy and waiting for Moo to wake up..
I believe that nobody is ever READY to have a baby not really cos you have no idea what it is going to be like. Nobody can explain to you the emotion or the struggle its going to be or how happy it will make you. I believe that the right time to have a baby has nothing to do with age.. its to do with whats going on in your head. Obvioulsy people say when you're in a secure relationship and have enough money (when do you ever have enough money ) but then that might not always be true.

I dont think anyone can judge anyone else for when they decide 'they' are ready to become a mummy because you just know.

Anyhoooo the question i'm pretty sure was about what age we thought was right...so non of us should really argue against each other cos its personal choice, we dont know each others situations.

 

[poppy]

After reading all the posts in this thread i strongly disagree with some of the comments.
People earlier mentioned how they had been through so much -deaths, depression, suicide attempts etc..personally..i have no idea what this has to do with anything. My impression was that when some of you have said ive been through so many life experiences such as this this and this,... so that makes me ready to be a mother.

What are you actually constituting as life experiences?
Im not quite sure what 'life experiences' make you qualified to have a baby?

Just because i havent lost my family due to death or illness or just because i havent suffered from depression dosnt make me anyless ready for a baby.

Alot of the older women have said that they thought they were mature and ready for a baby in their early 20's and then 10 years down the track realised they werent, this dosn't mean that every other 20 year old who has or is contemplating having a baby will follow in your foot steps or think the same way.

Personally i dont think being ready for a baby has anything to do with life experiences or age, it soely depends on the maturity of the women. For those of you who are saying 19,20 and 21 is too young, your only basing this opinion on stereotypes, just because you yourself may not have been ready at that age, does not mean others that age are the same as u at that age. Its dont agree with saying "thats to young" or "thats to old" when seriouslly its just stereotypical because really..you have no idea their situation

Thats so true, i've had tons of horrible experiences in my life so far. I've never thought that those things would improve my ability to be a good mum
But i havent read this post through..cos i'm lazy and waiting for Moo to wake up..
I believe that nobody is ever READY to have a baby not really cos you have no idea what it is going to be like. Nobody can explain to you the emotion or the struggle its going to be or how happy it will make you. I believe that the right time to have a baby has nothing to do with age.. its to do with whats going on in your head. Obvioulsy people say when you're in a secure relationship and have enough money (when do you ever have enough money ) but then that might not always be true.

I dont think anyone can judge anyone else for when they decide 'they' are ready to become a mummy because you just know.

Anyhoooo the question i'm pretty sure was about what age we thought was right...so non of us should really argue against each other cos its personal choice, we dont know each others situations.

I think Blob is speaking a lot of sense here.