How the world treats men and women after a baby...

[minties]

I totally agree!

There is also a bit of a sad part about becoming a dad, that I see locally anyway. The focus always seems to be on 'the new mum'. How she's coping, feeling etc. Our midwives and 'health visitors' have always totally ignored my OH. My HV turned down a visit to check on Sophie once, when I told her that it would be my OH at home with her and I would be out. OH felt like he wasn't seen as a valid parent, or that he could answer questions about his own daughter. No one ever asked him how he was doing, feeling, what he thought about anything to do with his kids.

Sorry to go off on such a tagent, just ignore me!

 

[iwantabub]

Our mw have been lovely asking dh how he is Aswell etc...

He is the typical good dad tho... Gets the baby when he's already settled and happy and wanting some fun time and I get him when he's hungry poopy or sooking lol...

I asked him to change bubs nappy last night and his response was "oh but I did one today" he was half joking I think lol but I was like "well I've done 12 today lol"

Dads do get seen as super heros and mums get seen as "oh another mum"

 

[twobecome3]

yep I wore her around the mall for 3 hours yesterday and not a peep is said to me, then we stop for lunch and she goes in the buggy. then we continue the shop and she kicks off a bit so OH scoops her out of the stroller and is not carrying her even 1 minute and is accosted "Oh what a great dad! oh dad loves his little girl" and a few sideways looks at me pushing the empty buggy like im useless

 

[AngelofTroy]

I can see both sides of it, I definitely think expectations of men are very low, but sometimes that's a bit insulting to dads. My OH has Micah overnight once a week while I'm at work and people ask us all the time how he's 'coping'... With his own son one night a week? Fine! Lol nobody asks me how I'm coping while he's at work 5 days a week, or while he's on his computer

 

[Bevziibubble]

Totally agree with you all!
All the ladies at the groups I take Holly to say what a hands on dad my husband is as he sometimes takes her to the groups too. You never hear of anyone being called a 'hands on mum' though do you!

 

[Wellington]

Oh, he changes nappies? What a good daddy


.....what about the 99.9% I do?


More to the point, why do I have to ask for it to be done and then follow it up with a 'thank you'? No one thanks me!

(Sorry, in need of chocolate today, just wrestled 3 to bed whilst OH is out at the pub 'networking' after work. Gah!)

 

[freddie]

I'm travelling at the moment and last night we went out for an early dinner with one of my best friends who I only get to see once a year.

LO had had really bad naps during the day so he was getting pretty tired. He's very even-tempered so he never lost it or started crying or anything but he was rubbing his eyes and being a bit unsettled. For the last half hour we were there (the meals took quite a long time to come out) OH walked LO up and down the restaurant, showing him things and keeping him calm.

We finished up, he went to pay the bill, I strapped LO into his carrier and walked out and as I did, a woman leaned out of her table (probably mid-to-late-20s, sitting with a guy) and said to me, "Take your baby home and put him to bed for god's sake."

I just gave her a *look* and continued walking, because a) obviously that's what I was already doing, b) it was before 8pm, it's not like I was out to a ridiculous hour, c) he was half-asleep on my chest already. As we were walking to the train station, I told OH, and he was ROPABLE. Funny how he had LO for at least half an hour and would have walked past that table half-a-dozen times and she said nothing, but as soon as it's the mother, she felt entitled to share her judgement.

Ugh that made me angry to read!! What business is it of hers?! Grr.

 

[onetwothreebp]

I thought of this thread yesterday. OH worked until 7:30 and when he came home, he wanted to go out for steak. I advised against it because Asher normally goes to bed at 8 but OH said he would deal with the aftermath so I said fine lets go.

We are almost done our meal (close to 9) and Asher is getting fussy because he's tired. The woman in the booth behind us sighed so loudly and whispered to her friend "what kind of mom takes her baby out this late?!"

I wanted to scream.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I thought of this thread yesterday. OH worked until 7:30 and when he came home, he wanted to go out for steak. I advised against it because Asher normally goes to bed at 8 but OH said he would deal with the aftermath so I said fine lets go.

We are almost done our meal (close to 9) and Asher is getting fussy because he's tired. The woman in the booth behind us sighed so loudly and whispered to her friend "what kind of mom takes her baby out this late?!"

I wanted to scream.

That is terrible! You have every right to take baby out whenever you want. You were there as a family so it makes me so annoyed that the person targeted just you, as if dads don't have a say in things too

 

[Larkspur]

I thought of this thread yesterday. OH worked until 7:30 and when he came home, he wanted to go out for steak. I advised against it because Asher normally goes to bed at 8 but OH said he would deal with the aftermath so I said fine lets go.

We are almost done our meal (close to 9) and Asher is getting fussy because he's tired. The woman in the booth behind us sighed so loudly and whispered to her friend "what kind of mom takes her baby out this late?!"

I wanted to scream.

Oh no, I know exactly how you felt! It's like the mother is expected to be the final gatekeeper of all activity around her child. Besides, would she be saying tge same if it was the same time and LO happened to be playing happily at home? No, you're just not allowed to be 'out'. Don't get me started on the way exclusion of children from the public sphere effectively excludes mothers as well.

 

[Katerpillar]

Unbelievable!!! I would have been furious! You do well to be so calm and collected!

Ugh, I was furious, but it just wasn't worth the fight, especially as I actually *did* want to get LO home to bed. And also the wait staff had been super-nice to us so I didn't want a scene.

I did have a few pretty withering comments running through my head though. I decided to be generous and assume that she wasn't a mum, and that when, one day, she does have a kid, she will realise that life doesn't always run 100 percent perfectly to plan, and will remember what a jerk she was being and feel retrospectively embarrassed.

My OH, as I said, was SO mad when I told him. He said, "If you had told me that when we were waiting for the bill, I would have gone and given her a piece of my mind." I was like, "Yeah, I know... why do you think I waited to tell you until we were halfway home?!"

Yep - sometimes you have to pick your battles - she clearly wasn't worth the hassle!