How to approach this?

[LucyluvsPoppy]

i had to tell my boss I was pregnant at 6 weeks as I had to go for an emergency scan and a few early appointments and as the office is busy I couldn’t get the time off.
Another girl who I used to chat to quite a bit then e-mailed me a few days later to say that she had been told my news by our boss as she had told him she was 8 weeks (a week in front of me) and he had told her of me being pregnant too!! She wanted to go to lunch etc to talk about it all and discuss baby stuff. I said to her that I didn’t want ot seem rude but I was having problems and terrified I would lose the baby and hadn’t even told family yet. I said I was fuming for the breech in confidentiality and I wanted it all kept secret. She was fine with this and apologized for upsetting me (which wasn’t her fault anyway). For the next couple of weeks we compared sickness etc but then she was out of the office for ages.
I text her and she said she had lost the baby at 10 weeks. She was off for a month, it really hit her hard.
Shes back in now and Im really showing, only a handful of people know what happened to her.
The problem is, the lads on her desk where my printer is and where my other manager sit don’t know what happened and everytime I go to their desk they enquire after my bump and crack jokes – she physically winces and I feel awful. Shes never asked me how my pregnancy is going and hasn’t spoken to anyone about her loss although I did e-mail her when she came back to say I was glad she came back to work and hoped she was ok.
Has anyone been in same situation? I want to clear the air as I know we both feel awkward. We still chat - small talk - but I avoid talking of my pregnancy, which Im sure you all know is all you end up talking about when you're pregnant. x

 

[Nessicle]

Aw how awful for your colleague and for you!

Firstly, I would speak to the blokes cracking jokes and asking after bump in a polite way just saying that although you were really grateful they were taking an interest and asking after you if they could try not to ask when your colleague is around to make it easier on her. EDIT - I just realised you said they didnt know.....tough one hun i'm not sure what to suggest.

Secondly I would send a supportive email to your colleague telling her you know it must be very hard seeing your bump progressing but that you're there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on. She might not want to talk to you about it but at least you've acknowledged it's hard for her if that makes sense?

x

 

[Carrie29]

that's a tough one..i guess you could email her and just offer to be there incase she does need to talk to anyone. As she knew you were having problems at first, she may see that you can sort of understand. I think that's all you can do and just try not to talk about it around her.. Touch one with the guys not knowing though.

 

[mystika802]

I dont really know what to say but didnt want to read and run, maybe without telling your co workers you can say something like "theres some people who are sensitive to me being pregnant and I think for awhile Im just going to keep it quite" I dont know if that would work or be an option but you can say something maybe without actually saying who or what happened

 

[LucyluvsPoppy]

Thats the thing, I would never tell them what happened to her as it isnt my place to say and it is just banter and they ask to see my scan pics etc - I dont want to appear rude to them but I do tend to scuttle off as quickly as I can!! So I dont know how to say to them to not bring it up near her? She isnt in the situation where she can try again so it is extra hard for her in that way. I need to sort of word an e-mail asking how shes coping i guess?? We are never alone in the office for me ot speak face to face and she works through her lunches or goes ot the market with one of the other girls. x

 

[LucyluvsPoppy]

I dont really know what to say but didnt want to read and run, maybe without telling your co workers you can say something like "theres some people who are sensitive to me being pregnant and I think for awhile Im just going to keep it quite" I dont know if that would work or be an option but you can say something maybe without actually saying who or what happened

They would know who it is, we all sit on 3 different banks of desks and one of the guys on their bank of desks is expecting a baby with his wife 3 weeks in front of me/ what would have been 2 weeks in front of her (he knows her situation so he doesnt talk about his baby either - he didnt tell the office til his wife was 20 weeks) the other 2 guys would know that the other isnt sensitive to it. x

 

[Nessicle]

I definitely think a supportive email would be a good thing - even if she feels she can't speak to you just yet.

Maybe an email to the guys just saying that although you think it's fab they're so interested in your pregnancy some of the other members of staff are sick of hearing about it - sort of put a different spin on it to throw them off if that makes sense? And suggest they come over to you to ask or email you to ask how you're doing etc.??

 

[Carrie29]

could you maybe speak to your boss and just explain what has been happening, maybe he could then have a word with them.