how to count my babies?

[tinybutterfly]

something is annoying me, just about myself

i don't know how to refer to my future baby...
the one i lost will always be my first, even if i didn't get to meet it.
yet for everyone else my second will be my first

when i write about it... i'm annoyed at myself if i write
"i'll be excited with my first baby", bc it feels like i forgot about the first one

i'm just wondering, how do others refer to their angel babies?
and if they're in a row (baby, baby, angel, baby), what do you say about the
last one, do you tell ppl it's your 3rd or your 4th?

*having a confused day*

 

[selina3127]

i will always say fourth as my mc was my third baby no matter what xxxxx know how you feel hun xxxxx

 

[2016]

Hmmm interesting one...
I had an ectopic at 5w. I think on here I would refer to it as my first pregnancy, my angel. When I get pregnant again it will be my second pregnancy but first baby.

To the outside world though it will be first pregnancy, first baby. It's not nice to have to explain why you have 2 babies and only 1 living. People don't understand and it might make them feel uncomfortable. I think if you have a late loss or tragically lose your baby/child then that's different. Those closest to me will understand how much my angel meant to me and how I will NEVER forget!

 

[Ten]

I think it depends on what you're comfortable with.

I have a very strong feeling that my next pregnancy will be with the same soul that I lost during my first pregnancy, so she's still my first child even if I was pregnant with her twice.

I think if I felt I was going to get a different kid, I would still say s/he was my second, and explain that I'd lost my first. People do get a little uncomfortable, yeah, but I think it helps society as a whole that we speak up. I remember how comforting it was to have people tell me that they (or someone they knew) had had a miscarriage or lost a child... it made me feel less isolated. I felt as if I was part of something greater, that there was a whole network of us out there making it through our grief one day at a time. If I had to go through the experience of losing my girl, I want to at least be able to bring comfort to some other woman because of it.

That said, you have to do what feels right to you. Does it hurt more to explain or to stay silent? It's the lesser of the evils, and it might change with the situation.

Alternately, could you just leave the "first" part out? "I'll be excited to hold my baby"?

 

[tinybutterfly]

^^ interesting you say that about the baby being the same spirit bc that's something i believe as well,
bc i am/was such a tomboy, always doing boy things, it really made me believe i'm actually my own brother (mom lost him at 8 months pregnant, similar to you), crazy huh!



now excuse... my cat is being a TIGER in the house, must go and stop him

 

[w8ing4bean]

it's entirely your choice hun. when i get pregnant again, i will say its my 2nd pregnancy, 1st baby. as i had a mmc extremely early on (not noticed til scan tho) my angel never developed into a baby if it had been later in the pregnancy, i guess that woulda been my first baby. thats just my personal opinion tho

xx

 

[goddess25]

i had a m/c before my son was born and i say he is my first... i had my mc so early and although i will always remember due date etc and think what if... i never had time to think of a baby. Same for my 2nd m/c. I have been pregnant 3 times but i have 1 child. In a way i think if i had not had my first mc then my little boy would not be here and i love him more than anything in life.

 

[Ten]

^^ interesting you say that about the baby being the same spirit bc that's something i believe as well,
bc i am/was such a tomboy, always doing boy things, it really made me believe i'm actually my own brother (mom lost him at 8 months pregnant, similar to you), crazy huh!

Neat!

Mostly I get people looking at me like I've bought a Lifetime Ride Pass for the Denial Train when I tell them my beliefs. Cool to find someone who understands.