How to deal with these feelings - tips?

[Elski]

Hey girls

Just after some advice/tips really. My OH and I have been NTNP for a year or so now, and 'formally' trying (OPKs, BBT etc) for 4 cycles. And I know that really really isn't very long and up until now I've had a really positive outlook on things and haven't been obsessing about it (...too much ) but I'm starting to waver a bit now.

Soooo many people I know at the moment are pregnant, 16 to be precise - my SIL, 2 of my cousins, 5 of OH's friends, 6 of my friends - and just over the last couple of weeks, my best friend and another really close friend too. I feel downhearted and crushed. My 2 close friends have asked me to care for their pregnancies (I'm a midwife), which I feel truly honoured about and so excited to do, but I feel like I really need to shake off the feelings I have or I'm gonna do my own head in (haha, I guess I'm in totally the wrong job for TTCing!). Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with the feelings you experience every time you find out yet another person is pregnant?

Thanks ladies

 

[Hopeful18]

I don't have any answers but I can tell you that you aren't alone!!! I went to the gym today and one pregnant lady was running and another was lifting weights!!! I've never seen such pregnant women at my gym... The gym!!! I couldn't believe it! Lol

I'll have to check this thread later and see if a wise lazy on here can give us some answers

Good luck and lots of to you!!!

 

[faithmum]

Hi Elski -

I'm so happy you have a place to vent because if I were you...I'd NEED it!! - I would feel exactly as I perceive you to feel. I too work daily with newborns and moms and have some (not a bunch) people arround me who are preggo. I'll bet you are very empathetic and absorb everybody's emotions. I am like that and although I'm genuinely happy for women and their babes there is a longing in me that can't help but shout out. What a dichotomy right? To be so invested in bringing life into this world that your livlihood revolves around it and the feeling that you are struggling with that very thing. Here's my 2 cents. Acknowledge your feelings (don't squash them) and sit with them. Feel them. Let them move through you. Then after giving them life ; let them go and envision them like clouds floating away from you. There's a saying - whatever you resist persists. Acknowledge your feelings and let them float away so they don't persist. Secondly: I think you're in a fabulous place for conceiving!! You are surrounded by beautiful life-inspiring energy all the time. I think you're in a good place hun and I wish a BFP to come to you soon.

 

[Elski]

Thanks girls!

What you've said has made me feel so much better, Faithmom! I guess it just feels like I can't get away from all things pregnancy right now, and it's difficult to put my own worries to the back of my mind when the subject in general is such a big part of my life in other ways!

Really wishing you your BFPs too xx

 

[Charliegirl27]

Welcome fellow midwife! I'm in the same boat, strangely enough seeing pregnant women everyday at work is fine, it doesn't bother me but I also know several people who are pregnant at the mo, one wasn't even trying! It's hard but you have to be happy for them and remember to congratulate (even if through gritted teeth!)
When I was awaiting iui treatment with my second, my best mate became pregnant the first month of trying which was hard but you have to be supportive of others as they will be of you and cheer yourself up by looking through the mothercare catalogue! Lol
Seriously, I agree with faithmum, I learned a long time ago that what will be will be. It may not be your time to shine right now but hopefully it will be soon.
to you

 

[Elski]

Hi Charliegirl, thanks for your reply! Seeing pregnant women at work all day strangely doesn't really bother me either - it's more just that I seem to be unable to escape from all things pregnancy at the mo as it's coming at me from all angles, I'm even half expecting my OH to announce he's up the duff! But yes, you're right, it's just not my time right now. Hope to see you around this board again seeing as we're practically in-sync cycle-wise and are both TTC midwives! x

 

[readyformore]

Hi Elski-
I don't often respond to threads that aren't ltttc, but this seemed to fit my bill.
I've been an ob nurse for 13 years.

It is really difficult to care for those that are pregnant when you want to be pregnant as well.


My only advice is that it's ok to have some self preservation when you need it. I have declined to care for my best friend when she had her twins. She has never held it against me and I have never regretted my decision. I had been ttc for several months when she got pregnant. Her babies are now 9 months old and I'm still not pregnant. I can see her babies and it doesn't hurt at all, but I just could not be present for her birth. Although she has never gone through infertility, she understood on some level why I couldn't be there, even though I have never attempted to explain why.

I don't even seem to be phased by strangers that are pregnant anymore. Maybe my job has made me immune? I'm not sure. The part that I really struggle with is when people don't appreciate their babies/children.

 

[faithmum]

Hi Elski-
I don't often respond to threads that aren't ltttc, but this seemed to fit my bill.
I've been an ob nurse for 13 years.

It is really difficult to care for those that are pregnant when you want to be pregnant as well.


My only advice is that it's ok to have some self preservation when you need it. I have declined to care for my best friend when she had her twins. She has never held it against me and I have never regretted my decision. I had been ttc for several months when she got pregnant. Her babies are now 9 months old and I'm still not pregnant. I can see her babies and it doesn't hurt at all, but I just could not be present for her birth. Although she has never gone through infertility, she understood on some level why I couldn't be there, even though I have never attempted to explain why.

I don't even seem to be phased by strangers that are pregnant anymore. Maybe my job has made me immune? I'm not sure. The part that I really struggle with is when people don't appreciate their babies/children.

Very good advice readyformore.

 

[Elski]

Hi readyformore, I've seen you about (I'm a serial thread lurker) and I'm sorry to hear you're ltttc especially being in the profession you are.

You're right, I guess I need to look out for myself a bit more. None of my friends even know I'm TTC as I don't want them to feel awkward or sorry for me (I know that sounds really ridiculous!). And I also don't want my friends who are pregnant to feel they have to avoid me or avoid being over the moon in front of me for fear of upsetting me, know what I mean? But at the same time, I have to self-preserve too don't I I'm glad I can talk about how I feel here and get such good advice. Thanks for taking the time to step away from your usual thread to reply, and I really hope to see you outside of that thread soon, for 'other', more happy reasons! x

 

[NAPzWife]

I am so Angry about the loses this year and the problems it is causing in my marriage and self esteem...Why can't I just do something as simple as have a sticky bean

 

[Elski]

I am so Angry about the loses this year and the problems it is causing in my marriage and self esteem...Why can't I just do something as simple as have a sticky bean

It's not 'you' though is it, it's out of your control which is what's so frustrating/heartbreaking/infuriating/dismaying. You almost feel like your body isn't on your side and is working against you.