How to discipline this?

[lau86]

Ds teacher called me over today and told me a little girl complained he had been taking stickers off her reward chart and putting them in his own. When asked he initially denied it then admitted it when his teacher told him 'cameras were watching him' (obviously not true)
I'm really disappointed and upset, I don't know what to do. We've had a talk and he doesn't seem to be able to say why he did it. The child isn't even in his class/ one of his friends. I've just said it was wrong and why and said he won't have tv this week. Is this appropriate?

 

[JumpingIn]

I'd be concerned too if my child's teacher lied about there being cameras watching my child. In my mind that's a creepy and inappropriate thing to say to a kid in the name of uncovering the truth about some bloody stickers.

As for your child's behaviour, it's obviously just a standard childhood attempt at cheating and you seem to have picked up on it and responded in an appropriate manner. I'd have throw in a bit of 'imagine that was your stickers and someone else was stealing them for their own benefit' talk too.

Mainly though I'd have having words with the teacher about her technique!

 

[SarahBear]

I would sit down with him to write an apology letter. I'd include:

* What he's sorry for.
* How he'd feel if it was him.
* How he is going to fix it.

I would then have him give the girl this letter and carryout his plan for fixing the situation. I see that he is 5, so he may not be ready to write a letter, but I'd have him do as much as he can. I did this with Violet recently and we discussed the letter and I did the writing. I then wrote out a model of her name and had her do her best to sign the letter.

I'm not big on punishments that are not logically connected to the incident, but as far as punishments go I suppose it's reasonable.

 

[Pearls18]

Stopping TV would be my first thought too, maybe not for the whole week though I think they have a different concept of time and a week may feel a bit excessive for this "wrongdoing", I really like the letter idea as well.

 

[AngelUK]

I am not big on punishment and I don't think it will teach him much to be honest, except to maybe lie again and try to not be found out. (Maybe not but that was what I did when I was small). I think he did this for obvious reasons, he wished it were his stickers and that he had done so well to deserve them. Maybe address this first of all? Assure him also that stickers or not, you love him and are proud of him and know that he can do well and earn his own stickers. I would ask him to apologise to the girl and ask him to tell her he didn't mean to upset her. I would leave it at that.
As for the teacher... so there is no trust there that he would ell her the truth without coercion? How awful

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I am not big on punishment and I don't think it will teach him much to be honest, except to maybe lie again and try to not be found out. (Maybe not but that was what I did when I was small). I think he did this for obvious reasons, he wished it were his stickers and that he had done so well to deserve them. Maybe address this first of all? Assure him also that stickers or not, you love him and are proud of him and know that he can do well and earn his own stickers. I would ask him to apologise to the girl and ask him to tell her he didn't mean to upset her. I would leave it at that.
As for the teacher... so there is no trust there that he would ell her the truth without coercion? How awful

Totally agree with all of this post. Maybe instead of punishment, could focus on how to get his own stickers xx

 

[lau86]

I do find these kind of things really difficult because I do want him to behave at school but I also think his teacher kind of over reacted. She said it was 'shocking and disappointing' or something. Maybe she's just used to talking to kids and it came across a bit ott. In the end I just sent him to bed early and took away tv time but in hindsight I think the whole week is a bit much (he won't even remember I don't think). I asked him to apologise to the girl and he said he had, I thought about a letter too but for a few reasons I decided on a verbal apology. And of course explaining he is very clever and well behaved and can get his own stickers.
I was just wondering about other people's views as really, taking away tv is not related to the 'crime' but it will hit him where it hurts so to speak.

Eta he has plenty of his own stickers but they get a reward when they get a certain amount (he has already had a few rewards) so maybe that was his motivation. He didn't seem to be able to explain why he had done it and why that girl.

 

[SarahBear]

He might not have a good reason, he might not fully understand why he did it or he may know how you'd disapprove of his reason.

 

[lau86]

Yes agreed, my back was up straight off as the teacher called me over to tell him/(me!!) off. But his dad talked to him when he got back from work and was very non judgemental and he still didn't say. Normally he would just say.

 

[jd83]

I think apologizing to the girl and a few nights of no TV are fine. A week is probably too long, at his age. It's hard to say what was going through his head to make him do something like that, but him not telling you the reason could be embarrassment at himself for why he did it. I wouldn't push it, just reinforce it being wrong to do things like that, and that you are proud of him for his own earned achievements.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I am not big on punishment and I don't think it will teach him much to be honest, except to maybe lie again and try to not be found out. (Maybe not but that was what I did when I was small). I think he did this for obvious reasons, he wished it were his stickers and that he had done so well to deserve them. Maybe address this first of all? Assure him also that stickers or not, you love him and are proud of him and know that he can do well and earn his own stickers. I would ask him to apologise to the girl and ask him to tell her he didn't mean to upset her. I would leave it at that.
As for the teacher... so there is no trust there that he would ell her the truth without coercion? How awful

I agree with this!