How to give partner parenting advice without insulting them?

[pradabooties]

Hi ladies
So my fiancé works very long hours but loves spending time with our 8 month old daughter on his days off. We have a great time all together BUT when I want to shower or do some chores so they're alone together he's totally lost? Understandably because it's only a couple of days a week literally that he sees her. But at the same time whenever I give some guidance I feel like it makes him feel incompetent? Basically she's an action girl and always wants to crawl and play and pull herself up on everything but whenever he has her while I'm doing anything he'll just sit on the couch and hold her and wonder why she fusses or straps her in the carrier and walks around doing whatever he wants to do which she also doesn't love at this adventurous age. Sometimes I say "oh Bub why don't you show daddy your toys?" And he'll happily take her to her play room but will re-emerge minutes later. Often he'll even just hold her and follow me around while I do things lol. Any tips on how to build his confidence parenting?

 

[noon_child]

I think you just have to leave him to it. The only way you discovered what she likes is by having her fuss and then changing tack to try something else, and if she fussed, you tried something else.

If the problem is that once she fusses he is handing her back, or complaining about it, well that I would challenge. "You're her dad - if she isn't happy, try doing something else!"

It may just be that he just wants a cuddle because he's away from her for so long! Maybe if that's the case you could try talking about your own situation and what you do to give him a hint e.g "I really just wanted a quiet day today having cuddles with LO, but she's just not interested, she wanted to be up and about, getting in to everything. It is exhausting at the moment. Don't be surprised if she's the same with you! Right I'm having a shower."

 

[Spudtastic]

I think you just have to leave him to it. The only way you discovered what she likes is by having her fuss and then changing tack to try something else, and if she fussed, you tried something else.

If the problem is that once she fusses he is handing her back, or complaining about it, well that I would challenge. "You're her dad - if she isn't happy, try doing something else!"

It may just be that he just wants a cuddle because he's away from her for so long! Maybe if that's the case you could try talking about your own situation and what you do to give him a hint e.g "I really just wanted a quiet day today having cuddles with LO, but she's just not interested, she wanted to be up and about, getting in to everything. It is exhausting at the moment. Don't be surprised if she's the same with you! Right I'm having a shower."

This is a good reply.

He obviously wants to be with her which is great.

The other day dh was keeping an eye on our 3 year old and 7 month old whilst I got dinner ready. I could hear our 7 month old on the floor making her 'I want to be picked up' cry but dh just left her on the floor (he was building a castle with blocks with our 3 year old) so I popped my head around the door and said 'that's her I want to be picked up cry' and dh picked her up.

When dh has the kids I leave him to do it his own way but will throw in a few sentences like above when I have to. Just matter of fact, no judgement. Dh knows that I know these things as the full time mum and doesn't take offence.

 

[wannabemomy37]

Definitely just like already said, say things matter-of-factly or just say things like "remember to watch what you put on the floor - hes putting everything in his mouth" type of coaching.

Honestly being in childcare settings for over 13 years I feel that I am able to guide him. My problem is sitting back and letting him do/try things on his own. The best way, though, is just to let him try...so that way he can make his own choices too. If he does something you disagree with I'd wait till a better time to mention "hey can we talk about our views on watching tv?" And try to come to an agreement on parenting, but not in front of the children

 

[JumpingIn]

I used to be so bad at letting go when my son was that age. I'd tell my partner how to parent and it sucked. The bestt thing I did was take a step back. Shut the door and enjoy your shower safe in the knowledge that father and daughter are learning how to be together. There'll be temporary discomfort, but they will learn! Now I'm just as comfortable leaving my son with his daddy as I am taking him myself as I know all his needs will be met. In daddy's way!