crazydiamond
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- Jul 22, 2010
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I would really like some advice. I have reached the stage where I have asked my husband to leave as I feel our son would be better off without him but I would like to try to save our marriage if at all possible.
A bit of background. We have a son who is 23 months old. He was unplanned although my husband really wanted a baby I was not so sure and I probably would have had an abortion if it wasn't for my husband's enthusiasm and everyone else's insistence that I would feel more positive after the birth. At the time my husband insisted that he would be very supportive and we could share a lot of the childcare - he would look after our son in the mornings and take him to the nursery before work and I would to the pick ups.
Anyway after the birth I did bond with my son but it has been a real struggle as he had had various medical issues - first a milk protein intolerance and reflux, then developmental delays and now concerns over autism. At the same time my husband decided he disliked his current job so made us move across the country for a new job. His new job has much longer hours and overseas travel which made it hard for me to work so I ended up doing much more of the childcare which had made me slightly resentful as this did not conform to our original plans. I was also very isolated as I did not know anyone in the new area and was 100's miles from friends and family.
However my real issue which had led to my thoughts of divorcing is my husband's attitude towards our son. He has always got very angry when my son cries and he was unable to soothe him - when my son was a few weeks old he admitted to me he squeezed him really hard as he wouldn't stop crying. He is never able to give me a break, he has only taken my son out once on his own in the last 2 years.
However I think he does want to be a good Dad, he is willing to help out but only when I am around, sometimes I would like to get a break from my son and for example cook dinner while my husband does the bedtime routine but my husband insists that we do the bedtime routine together. He is now starting to pick fights with me over silly things in front of our son and when I ask him to talk to me in another room his response is that there is no need as our son is not picking up on it, linked to the concerns that he is autistic.
So I guess what I am asking is for any tips to help my husband deal with the fact that our son might have special needs and not conform to his expectations. I know he does love our son but his anger is destroying our family.
A bit of background. We have a son who is 23 months old. He was unplanned although my husband really wanted a baby I was not so sure and I probably would have had an abortion if it wasn't for my husband's enthusiasm and everyone else's insistence that I would feel more positive after the birth. At the time my husband insisted that he would be very supportive and we could share a lot of the childcare - he would look after our son in the mornings and take him to the nursery before work and I would to the pick ups.
Anyway after the birth I did bond with my son but it has been a real struggle as he had had various medical issues - first a milk protein intolerance and reflux, then developmental delays and now concerns over autism. At the same time my husband decided he disliked his current job so made us move across the country for a new job. His new job has much longer hours and overseas travel which made it hard for me to work so I ended up doing much more of the childcare which had made me slightly resentful as this did not conform to our original plans. I was also very isolated as I did not know anyone in the new area and was 100's miles from friends and family.
However my real issue which had led to my thoughts of divorcing is my husband's attitude towards our son. He has always got very angry when my son cries and he was unable to soothe him - when my son was a few weeks old he admitted to me he squeezed him really hard as he wouldn't stop crying. He is never able to give me a break, he has only taken my son out once on his own in the last 2 years.
However I think he does want to be a good Dad, he is willing to help out but only when I am around, sometimes I would like to get a break from my son and for example cook dinner while my husband does the bedtime routine but my husband insists that we do the bedtime routine together. He is now starting to pick fights with me over silly things in front of our son and when I ask him to talk to me in another room his response is that there is no need as our son is not picking up on it, linked to the concerns that he is autistic.
So I guess what I am asking is for any tips to help my husband deal with the fact that our son might have special needs and not conform to his expectations. I know he does love our son but his anger is destroying our family.
