How to helpy friend with breast feeding?

[Palestrina]

Hello I BF my son for a year and a half but we stopped around last Christmas. Now my best friend is pregnant and a little ambivalent about BF. I doubt she'll go out of her way to BF like I did and has this "I'll give it a try and hope it works" approach. She has bought a breast pump and is generally taking my advice but I want to encourage her more without overwhelming her. Are there any good videos I can suggest to her? I have already given her the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.

 

[Palestrina]

Anyone?

 

[CupcakeBaby]

I don't think it's worth your friendship to force it upon her.

3 of my friends had the "I'll give it a try" attitude and 2 of them are EBF great.

I know you must think BF is important but letting her parent the way she feels best is going to be the best thing for your friendship.

 

[Jendra]

I don't think it's worth your friendship to force it upon her.

3 of my friends had the "I'll give it a try" attitude and 2 of them are EBF great.

I know you must think BF is important but letting her parent the way she feels best is going to be the best thing for your friendship.

I fully agree. I can't imagine encouraging her more to breastfeed will do wonders for your friendship. Why not just support your friend in whatever she decides? If she asks you for help, go ahead and give it with all your heart and share your knowledge.

I can't see how encouraging her towards breastfeeding when she's already decided to play it by ear will come off as anything but pressuring her. It already seems like she's interesting in BF to begin with. Breastfeeding is lovely, but she has to make that choice for herself.

 

[bsd]

I agree with PP's as well. Maybe a little ways down the road ask her if she wants more information on it because you have a lot and you wouldn't mind sharing! (you should be prepared though collect some in the time being just in case) I would personally put all the benefits of BF in my info for her and her baby! Anyways if you make it under her terms she won't feel pressured or anything and she'll see it as you helping her.

 

[Palestrina]

I don't want to pressure her at all. That's why I'm asking. Many women don't breastfeed because they don't have the right support. If I had listened to doctors and nurses I would've quit, their info is so wrong so I'm prepping her for that and trying to build her support system.

 

[bsd]

Exactly all you can do is tell her you can give her a lot of information if she wants it and you will always be there to support her. xx

 

[CupcakeBaby]

All you need to say to her is "if you want any help, I'm here."

As a new mum myself any kind of helpful advice can feel like judgement and criticism in those early days.

I've since vowed to never say anything to a new mum other than tell them to do what they feel is best for them and baby.

If they ask for advice I'll give it, but other than that I'm just going to support whatever they want to do. As that's all I want people to do for me.

 

[Miss_Bump]

How about suggest going to a bf support group for new mums/mums to be together?

 

[Serafina83]

Best thing you can do is just be there to support and help her when she goes through the tough patches. Don't try pressurising her into it needs to be her decision, and if shes bought a pump and that sounds as though she wants to give it a go any way x

 

[Janers]

I think your a great friend for trying to help, and I find I get really excited about breastfeeding and come off a little strong. I love talking about it, and I really wish everyone could have the great experience i have had, and am still having.

However I know a new Mum is dealing with a lot! The best way to help is let them know you are there if and when they need it. I go to Le Leche League meetings, and I have a few brochures (i write info on how they can easily find meeting dates on the brochure, for example the facebook page of the local group), and tell them i would love to go with them if they ever wanted too.

I think its really important for new Mums to know they have a friend to go too if they need help, however, my SIL came off really strong when my LO was new. I had lots of issues and she had all the "right" answers, when in fact she had no idea what was going on and I found it really frustrating. She ended up making me quite upset with all her unsolicited advice that really was not relevent. Whereas my cousin (who is a Le Leche League leader) was very supportive, she didn't tell me what to do. She strictly supported me, encouraged me, and answered my questions when I asked. I still go to her for advice.

 

[Eleanor ace]

I'd just tell her that you are there for her if she has any questions at all, either before LO is here or when LO arrives and its 3am and she's ready to give up (although hopefully it won't come to that for her!). It's nice that you've pointed her in the direction of a resource which helped you but I wouldn't bring it up anymore or it could well seem like you're pressuring her (and obviously you don't want that in the back of her mind when she's feeling vulnerable with a new baby), she knows where you are if you need her.

 

[Palestrina]

Thanks for the advice all. She's giving birth at the same hospital I did so I know that while they are supposedly "BF friendly" they load you up with formula and the nurses do suggest that you combi-feed. I don't want to come off strongly but what do I do if she takes their combi-feeding advice? Do I tell her that by doing so she lessens her chances of BF past a few weeks?

 

[CupcakeBaby]

Then you let her take their advice IMO.

She needs a friend right now, not a preacher.

*maybe* say gently in advance how they push formula there and it's a shame as having formula early can interfere with breastfeeding.

But look at this from her perspective. If you are always going on about breastfeeding and then she decides to FF she's going to feel even worse than she needs to if she thinks you're going to be judging her.

It's her baby, her boobs, and she can do with them what she likes.

I know that sounds a bit strong but its 100% true.

 

[Palestrina]

I won't judge her for not BF. I'll just try to be there for her no matter what. Thanks all