How to tell family that there excluded out of the birth?

[DJMooMoo79]

I watched my friend give birth over a year ago, and probably the most excruciating thing I saw was not th blood or the pain, but the people. Family and friends were blowing up her phone and everyone else's to get a status update every 5 minutes, not to mention them just showing up randomly to the hospital to stick there head in, give unwanted advice, and just stand around awkwardly. Before you know it, it wasn't her birth anymore, but everyone else's.

Since this is my first, I'm being very animate about making sure my birth is going to stay something intimate between me and my hubby. After all, we were alone when we created her, I would like to be alone when we give birth to her. Plus I know myself, I like to host. If I know someone's sitting bored in the waiting room or just walking around the hospital, I'm going to send hubby after them to make sure there okay. My dream delivery? Having no one know that Emma is here, until she is actually here.

How do I tell my friends and family without sounding like a prude that they are not welcome to even set foot in the hospital and chances they will not even be notified when I go into labor?

Because I'm already getting people saying that there going to try and get days off work and verifying directions to the hospital. Would it be rude if I told everyone at the baby shower so I can explain it only once?

 

[mammag]

I've been very frank since the beginning of my pregnancy, whenever someone mentions that they would like to come when I go into labor I just let them know that I don't want any visitors because my birth plan is for a calm natural birth. I made the mistake of letting everyone in with my first labor and it was a stressful mistake. With my second it was just me and DH, it was peaceful and relaxed and I plan on doing it again. I haven't had any people yet seem to be offended, maybe my sister, but she has just gone quiet and not really said anything out of the way. But it's my birth experience, not theirs, and I know how I would like for it to go. We can control so little once we go into labor, but the amount of visitors is definitely one of those things 100% in our control. I also don't want many visitors in the hospital after baby comes, that is a time when you should be able to rest and bond with with baby, and people seem to understand that as well. They take it much better than you might think

 

[MummyToAmberx]

That is totally not normal for where i live, or my family. They wouldnt dream of just turning up like that or making way to hosp when ive said ive gone into labour.


I dont think its rude, its your baby its your birth. You have every right for this moment to be just yours and your husbands.i'd get your family told what your plans are.

 

[mel28nicole]

I felt the same way, and there was no stopping DH's family from coming. Since only 4 could be in the room while I was in labor, they just took turns coming in. It was nice having the company. I just felt bad because I was in labor for so long. I ended with a c section, so it was just me and hubby. It was nice that everyone got their 5 minutes with her, and when I was stuck in postpartum for 3 days, no one visited so I got all my alone, intimate time with baby.

Be happy that people are excited to be with you and baby. I basically had to beg my mother to be there while I was in labor, and I still have to make her feel guilty to come and visit. It's nice when people care.

 

[reeshy]

I have zero plans to tell anybody that my labor is started. I'll deal with the consequences afterwards I will send a text after she is here and let people know the visiting hours. That seems totally manageable to me

 

[purplecupcake]

I'd just not tell them when I went into labor and then not respond to any calls or texts until I was out of the hospital. You have no obligation to.

 

[Ummi2boyz]

Tbh, just the thought of having family while giving birth is just weird!

I gave birth both in France and in the uk, and in both places they only accepted the birth partner in the delivery room, and they asked no more than 2 people waiting (including the birth partner). So it was not like a big birthing party! Iyswim.
I'd tell everyone than giving birth is a private matter and not a circus show. That you will be very happy to show baby off when you are rested and ready.

Good luck with that.

 

[Brightxeyes]

I may need to call mine or my other halves parents to TAKE us to the hospital, but I'd want them to leave and wait for the news.

Even then, I'd probably see how it goes and prefer to go home first. (Which we'll be getting a lift). But more than likely just our parents (not even siblings) will come to the hospital.

If anyone else turns up, I will probably actually shout at them and get very upset because it's not what I had planned, nor what I want. So far no one has asked. So if they turn up I'll be very offended theyve assumed they're invited.

Do I want everyone to see me a few hours after the most exhausting and painful thing I've ever done? Hell no.

I'm so tempted that once I'm in actual labour to ask my boyfriend if we can take a taxi instead and not tell anyone until the baby is actually in our arms!

 

[bettybee1]

In England your only allowed 2 people in with you and maternity wards are very secure ! No one can just come on !

Don't worry what people think at 1st they may be bummed ! But they will realise zz

 

[Ashersmomma]

I don't have natural births. I have C-sections, so everyone already knows when baby will be born, but with my first I only allowed my parents and maternal grandparents in the waiting room. I told everyone else that I would let them know when I was accepting visitors, which was quite a bit later. My hospital won't even let people into the maternity ward unless you say it's ok. Of course almost everyone was ok with having to wait until after I let them, with the exception of DHs stepmom. She was the only one we had to have the nurses turn away. Maybe you can ask and see if yours will do the same, just in case someone decides to not listen to your request? I would hope that people would respect your decision though. After all, giving birth is a very intimate thing. I know I wouldn't want someone popping in and accidentally getting an eye full, or stressing me out during one of the biggest days of my life.

 

[Rickles]

TBH it would be deemed very weird to turn up while I was in labour - maybe it's a US thing / or local thing because I would never turn up to a friend or relative's birth and would be gobsmacked if someone turned up to mine... and would not hesitate to tell them to f**k off!! (We Brits can be direct every now and then! ) xx

 

[mammag]

It is more an US thing. You can have 5 people in the room during delivery at my hospital. FIVE! I find that insane. I've been asked to a couple of births and it was like a damn circus in the rooms. No way, no how, not me. Lol. I won't even let OH near my vag while I'm pushing. Much less random family members or friends.

 

[shinona]

Bloody hell! 5? Can't think of anything worse. My mum and me are very close as are my sister and me but I would never dream of having them there. As someone rightly said, only me and dh were there when baby was conceived so only me and him are there at the birth.
My mil said she'd be coming to the hospital to wait while I was in labour with my first. My dh told her straight that she wasn't welcome, we'd have no time for her and she'd get chucked out after a certain time....and if she insisted, we wouldn't be telling her when I was in labour. Which is what happened. You have to be clear with folk and clear with the midwives on who you want in. Xx

 

[jzgrace]

This is a great post. I too was wondering what and how to say "Mom you are not aloud in the delivery room." Without sounding rude. She has already stated that if she doesnt like the way my husband is acting during delivery she is going to go off on him. She has already made me miserable during my pregnancy so I will not be calling her when I go into labor. But if she some how finds out im in labor I will have to tell her nicely that this is our time as husband and wife and we would prefer to announce when baby has arrived after the fact. Well there I go! I think I just figured it out! That sounds nice. I rally hope you and dh have your private birth. Gl

 

[mandaa1220]

It's definitely interesting how much this varies around the world. Everyone and their dog wants to show up at the hospital while I'm in labor and it's making me anxious. There's no way to tell DH's family no and they will know that I'm in labor, because we have to call them to take our dog to their house.

Ideally I'd like it to be my mom and my husband in the room with me. Then have a few hours, just me and DH to bond with our son, determine his name, etc, THEN introduce him to family and friends as appropriate. Unfortunately, in my case, it just is what it is and there's not much I can do about it.

 

[mum140381]

omg 5 people thats crazy in the uk its 1 while u are in labour and only 3 on the ward thank god
no way would i want my family there only my oh

 

[pinkcatgirl]

OP, I don't think you are "excluding" your family so much as wanting something complete normal ie the birth of your baby to be a special experience between you and your OH.

When we went to hospital I got my husband to email our parents -at 3am - hoping they wouldn't see it. Wish I hadn't as my FIL then phoned the hosp at 7am for updates... On what, the size of my vagina?! I got very annoyed at this point. Won't be making this mistake again.

If anyone says anything about coming to the hospital to wait I would laugh loudly and say "yeah right!" as if its a ridiculous idea. Which it is!!

 

[emeeorevan]

I guess it is a US thing. I never really thought much of it. I've always had family waiting in waiting room. My mom, dh, and mil were in for delivery. Mom and mil were sitting behind me filming/ helping dh. And dh was by my side. My dad, fil, brother, sister, and grand parents were all waiting in the waiting room for well over 12 hours both times. for the birth of ds#2 ds#1 was waiting with them.
I am not shy in labor but the only males I'll allow in are dh and the ob ( not even happy with the occasional male nurse or anesthesiologist)

 

[sethsmummy]

It's definitely interesting how much this varies around the world. Everyone and their dog wants to show up at the hospital while I'm in labor and it's making me anxious. There's no way to tell DH's family no and they will know that I'm in labor, because we have to call them to take our dog to their house.

Ideally I'd like it to be my mom and my husband in the room with me. Then have a few hours, just me and DH to bond with our son, determine his name, etc, THEN introduce him to family and friends as appropriate. Unfortunately, in my case, it just is what it is and there's not much I can do about it.

you always have a choice hun you just need to stand your ground and make sure that hospital staff know you dont want anyone else in there.


With my last baby i didnt tell anyone my section date and people just found out after he was born. I told everyone a date a week later than it actually was the only people who knew were my mum and sister and only because my mum had ds1 at my sisters house.

This time round if i go natural then my sister will be with me (maybe iv asked her but now im not 100% sure on having her there) but if i have another section i will be doing it alone while DH has the boys and then he will bring them in. Once hes met the baby then we will announce to everyone else that the baby is here.

 

[WelshOneEmma]

TBH it would be deemed very weird to turn up while I was in labour - maybe it's a US thing / or local thing because I would never turn up to a friend or relative's birth and would be gobsmacked if someone turned up to mine... and would not hesitate to tell them to f**k off!! (We Brits can be direct every now and then! ) xx

I was thinking this as well! I remember when my sister was overdue there were plans for all the family who were up to know she was in labour and when they thought she was about an hour out, we would get a call to head over so we could be in the waiting room (I was never included in that call, still have issues about that 7 years later!!) but no-one expected to be there.

Because of my sisters first labour, my mum actually didn't want to be there during mine, but she did come and i am grateful for that. I only had my mum and hubby there and there was no expectation by anyone else they would be there.

Second time round likely to just be hubby as my folks dont want to be up around my due date as they want to spend Christmas at home, so not even sure if hubby will be there as no-one to look after DD.