How will I cope?

[Syl]

Seems like me and hubby are going to divorce
We have two small children, a 2 years old and an 8 months old. None of them are in nursery, we look after them.
I am pretty scared coz
1, I don't have ANY family member here in the UK, I came here years ago all by myself. (This scares me the most I think.)
2, I don't have friends.
3, My toddler is such a daddy's girl, she loves her father to death, how will she cope without seeing him often?
4, How will I manage without savings, family help? My job is 7-17 (now am on ML), and they wont change it to 9-17 for me...
5, I feel so sorry for my little one, putting him to nursery so early. I just feel like he's not ready yet.
6, and finally, I feel so rubbish, even though we do have issues, and nobody's perfect I just feel like I am a proper failure.

 

[Proserpina]

Seems like me and hubby are going to divorce
We have two small children, a 2 years old and an 8 months old. None of them are in nursery, we look after them.
I am pretty scared coz
1, I don't have ANY family member here in the UK, I came here years ago all by myself. (This scares me the most I think.)
2, I don't have friends.
3, My toddler is such a daddy's girls, she loves her father to death, how will she cope without seeing him often?
4, How will I manage without savings, family help? My job is 7-17 (now am on ML), and they wont change it to 9-17 for me...
5, I feel so sorry for my little one, putting him to nursery so early. I just feel like he's not ready yet.
6, and finally, I feel so rubbish, even though we do have issues, and nobody's perfect I just feel like I am a proper failure.

I'm having a lot of the same issues and may be heading toward divorce myself.

All I can tell you is stay strong. You're not the first single mother to try and make it in the world, and you will find a way.

 

[littletobyj]

You need to look into your work arrangements, if you really want to change your working pattern I'm pretty sure they can't refuse as you have children under the age of 6-look into this. I think you will surprise yourself how strong you will be, you have your kids to help keep you strong, you will never be alone! As for the kids-they are tougher than you think! I'm pretty sure you will find plenty of friends along the way, as one door closes another one opens!

 

[Syl]

I know I have to be strong but at the moment I can only cry, feel sorry for the kids and myself. It's hard enough to bring them up with only my hb only but now all alone... literally all alone. And obviously financially it'll be really tight, not that we are rich now but there will be things I won't be able to provide them as a single mother (like now we live in a house, and we might need to ask for a council flat after separation) and this will (and actually already) breaking my heart. I wish at least a couple of cousins or grandparents would be here... Just feel guilty that I haven't try my very best for them, after all they ideally need full time mom and dad too.
I can not imagine myself going into another relationship with anyone ever again, so there will no be dad there for them

 

[littletobyj]

If you need to cry then there is nothing wrong in letting it out, as long as the kids aren't around? You won't feel like another relationship just yet but as time goes on you will see things in a different light! I know loads of single mums and none of them wanted to be in that position but they have coped and I think it makes their bond with their children even stronger! Your ex will still have to help financially and hopefully he will work hard to maintain his relationship with the kids, you might even find yourself with a bit of much needed time out when he has the kids!

 

[Dezireey]

It's going to be tough in the beginning and you may have a roller coaster of emotions and feel so overwhelmed. That is natural and I think mostly every woman would go through this during such a tough time. You WILL find a way to get through it all and even when you are crying in desperation, keep telling yourself things will get better. And they do, because you need time to adjust and time to make lots of changes for a different life, it doesn't happen overnight and you have lots of planning and thinking to do.Tackle tasks each day at a time.

Be kind to yourself, don't be afraid to ask for help or support from outside sources, family centres etc etc and also come vent on here if you need to

 

[lovejoy]

My kids are 2 years and 9 months. I have to resign after my first because I worked nightshift and my ex was no help.

Once you adjust to not having the extra helps it's o.k, you will find your feet. I'd suggest getting out the house now and making friends at playgroups or even call up old work friends who maybe have kids so you won't be so isolated.

I live in a rented house with the help of housing benefit has getting a council house takes years normally. I'm not benefits now, it's not great money but we're not without the basics and that's the most important thing. It's normal to feel crappy, it's all part of the grieving process so let it out.