How would you feel about this!

[ncmunchkin]

So my in-laws and I have had issues before (we've been married a year here in July) the first set of problems happened while my husband was at AIT. He has an ex wife and 2 year old daughter. His ex wife at that time had started talking crap on the internet. I was in a step parenting group and page and had asked for advice. Well the next day I get a call saying I shouldn't say that and such and should be the bigger person and not post stuff on the internet blah blah blah lol. Well it got into a huge fight and his mother basically took the ex's side after ex had stalked me and found some personal messages where i left off steam and said I was tired of the in laws being so controlling and didn't really want any future kids around them to a freind. Well we all worked things out and everything was going fine. We found out I was pregnant in December and everyone was all excited. Well February we had decided to try and have my stepdaughter down here for a month and a half even though I have been having a hard time health-wise this pregnancy. So we drive to Florida to get her and spend a day or two up there and even though I was feeling crappy I still wanted to spend time with my husband and his family so I sucked it up. Well once we get back and she is here for a few days I get really sick again and start having cramps so we go to the drs and i get put back on temporary bedrest. So when my husband calls his parents and ex wife to tell them she will have to go back there is no way I can watch her during the day alone while he is at work they get very rude and upset. His dad during the visit had said no matter how critical I was my husband was the one with the job (he's army so he can't really miss work) so I had to be up with the baby no matter what if she didn't sleep. Then when we called his mother said I was ruining his relationship with his daughter and that a dr couldn't just put you on bedrest at the ER. Which the doctor at the ER was my actual midwife so I think she can! At that point in time my husband and I got into a huge fight because I really didn't want my child around people that could say things like that about me and then turn around and say how excited they were to meet their new grandchild. Well after more family drama happened we sat down and ironed things out or so we thought. We went down to Florida again for a baby shower with his family and to see his daughter before ours is born and we thought it went great this last weekend for labor day.Well this last weekend hubs accidentally saw his moms facebook messages and in one she was talking about how she likes his ex more than me because she is more respectful and how she has had to put me in my place a few times and that I am having to learn how a real family does things for each other because my mom was a single mom and I am an only child and so was my mom( which isn't true) and that if I had to learn to cool my jets around family. And then she said that they were going to wait to leave and come down until I was in the hospital because they wanted to spend time with baby not the mommy but if they made it for the delivery so be it. So when my husband confronted her about it she said it was all talk about February and she meant they don't want to waste their vacation time to come see baby if I haven't even had her yet and all this bull. And my husband believes her! I am at such a loss on what to do! I really don't want these people around me or my child until they can prove they actually care and don't treat me as if I am just an incubator for their grandchild. Why would I let anyone around my child who didn't care if me or her died in February all because I couldn't watch my husbands other daughter?!

 

[justkitty]

Your baby your choice. I have issues with my in laws. I am very giving and bite my tongue alot. But if they p**** me off I stop inviting them round. They rarely call and never ask to see ds. Its always up to me to invite them over. Ive told them so many times that if they want to see him all they have to do is ask. But then they don't. I'll go through a period of months arranging regular bi weekly play dates for them, cancelling plans so ds can see them and then my fil in particular does or says something rude so I stop making the effort for a bit. I'd never deny them the opportunity to see ds as I had great relationship with mt grandparents but I also won't chase. Dh knows its up to me lol. I'd tell them you aren't havibg any visitors except your mum because you trust her as you know how well she parented you. After the initial couple of weeks settling baby in then they will receive an invitation to visit. I kept my fil away for a month as he had a cold and a cold sore which can kill babies. Of course always remaining impeccably polite