how would you have dealt with this situation?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy After A Loss' started by torch2010, Jun 7, 2011.

  1. torch2010

    torch2010 Well-Known Member

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    Hi all.

    16 months ago I lost my son at 25+5 weeks pregnant. As you will know the devastation lasts forever. I am pregnant with our rainbow baby, a little girl.

    I visited my aunt and nan today and something was said about labour and I made a comment that my mum keeps telling me this one will be 10lb (as a joke, I have gestational diabetes) and my aunt said 'I told mum the other day that the 2nd birth is always easier, they just fly out' I nearly burst into tears, this is my 3rd baby, not my 2nd. I have a 7 year old daughter, I was heart broken, I distracted myself and was just about to leave when my sister came in and well, we all got distracted.

    Now sat here thinking about it and feeling so so sad, how can people just 'forget' that I had a baby 16 months ago, my son, my angel? I feel like I should have said something, that I have now disrespected his memory by not setting her straight. I know in my heart of hearts she didn't mean to upset me and would be gutted if I told her. She had a stillbirth years ago, when it was just brushed under the carpet, I thought she would understand.

    I feel like I don't want to go there anymore :cry:
     
  2. jx6

    jx6 proud mummy of 4

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    Aww hunni I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs:
    Dont feel bad for not saying anything, at the time you were in shock and it's always after when we think about it that we ponder over whether we should of said something or how we should react,like you said I'm sure she didnt mean to hurt or upset you and may even have thought about it after,do you think you could talk to her about it?
    Remember no one can take it away from you that you have a beautiful angel son who is very proud of his mummy right now for being so brave :hugs:
    Take care xx
     
  3. fides

    fides Well-Known Member

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  4. Eternal

    Eternal Three boys!

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    im so sorry for your loss and people people so hurtful, i know it wasnt meant to be but it clearly is very hurtful.

    I think people find it very hard to know how to acknowledge a loss of others, even if they have been through it.

    Dont beat yourself up about other peoples comments, you know this is your third child and thats what matters.
     
  5. Mrs_X

    Mrs_X New Mummy :)

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    It was the same for me when I miscarried. Everyones been saying ohhh your first pregnancy. But it isnt, its my third :(
    (((hugs)))
     
  6. SuperKat

    SuperKat New baby on the way!

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    :hugs: I'm sorry =( I think loss in general makes most people uncomfortable, and they like to avoid the topic altogether as to avoid raising emotions. A lot of people just sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened thinking that if they bring it up they may upset the mother and make her sad...and of course a mother never for a second forgets!

    I can't imagine what you have gone through, as I've never been through that before, but I know with my miscarriage that was obviously my 4th pregnancy, my 4th baby...and this current baby is baby #5- i've called her baby number 5 a few times and my own family gets confused over it, "what? you mean baby number 4, right?" 'uh...no....I mean baby #5.'. Once I have explained it to them they quiet down...but it bothers me that I even have to explain.
     

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