How?

[DollPosse]

I didn't want to come to this forum but I finally grew a pair and came here because I knew I needed to.

Last year around this time we lost a baby. It stopped growing and then it just stopped altogether. That was our 3rd or 4th loss depending on what medical professional you ask. We never thought we would have another child again. I never thought I would be pregnant again. I gave up I gave away most of our stuff and weeks later I found out I was pregnant again.

This whole pregnancy my husband I have been holding out breaths and waiting for the sky to fall and there were a couple times when it seemed that it might but it didn't. I am 34 weeks pregnant and I am so happy. I can't even explain how happy I am but I still worry about something not working out. I keeo having this fear that something bad will happen to my baby and I have to stop it because I can't live my life waiting for the sky to fall.

We have friends who lost their son at 32 weeks due to a blood clot a couple of years ago. I keep telling my husband and myself that our baby is a whole other person and that our friends baby had the odds against him and even if our baby does come early like our first child the outcome looks very favorable. I also say that they had another beautiful baby boy a year later and that even though losing their first son was horrible there was still something good. I told my husband tonight that we have had horrible and that this baby is our good.

I ordered a playmat for our baby and it arrives today. When my husband took it out of the box I cried. I cried because I was so happy and I cried because I was so scared to be that happy. How do you breathe? How do you get over that feeling of doom?

 

[Stepmomtobio]

Just keep thinking that in a few more weeks you will be holding that baby in your arms. Take it day by day!

 

[SabrinaKat]

I am sitting at the computer, looking over at my LO (born 3rd February) and can tell you that the anxiety, worry and stress are completely normal! I had a mc in August 2009 and then two possible chemicals before finally getting pregnant again last summer and every day was difficult -- stepmom is right -- you can only take it one day (or one hour) at a time!

Unfortunately, there are numerous tragedies surrounding us, which makes it hard, but you have to try and remain hopeful and positive -- in fact, you are better than me -- we didn't even unpack our travel system until after baby came! (he was early, tho, due to my pre-eclampsia, and up until wk 32, my pregnancy was pretty good and baby was always in great health!).

'Life' isn't always fair (growl), but hopefully, like your friends, we have earned this happiness -- try and take it easy, treat yourself a little (e.g. I went for pedicures in the last weeks) and tell yourself (and baby) that you will see your LO soon. Even now, my OH and I are still in shock when we look at our LO (and was in shock most of the pregnancy as well!)

best wishes

 

[DollPosse]

Thank you ladies for your replies.

I have had issues with my cervix this pregnancy and one point it was felt I deliver my baby too early. That goes with the whole holding my breath thing because we sat around and waited and waited for something bad to happen. I am 34 weeks today and I had my first daughter at 35 and she was fine. She was even fine through me having an Abruption, her having fetal distress and me heavy bleeding and finally an emergency C Section. 35 is only one week away from today. I know my baby is very healthy, strong, and doing so well. My cervix is holding and I might actually deliver my baby at full-term. Right now there aren't any logical reasons to believe that something would happen to her. Fear isn't very logical sometimes though. lol