hurting soo bad

[ale]

OK so i had a MC 4 years ago and no luck on getting pregnant.. only chemicals... But im taking this soo hard still... Like i feel that i will never hear anybody tell me "i love you mama"... Im just so depressed, i wish my baby would be here with me.... He or she would of been about 3 and a half... There's not a day that goes by that i dont think about my baby... I see people get pregnant and dont care who has their baby as long as they go out and have fun. NO not me, I dont care about having fun.... I would give all that up to take care of my baby... I would love to be a mother! Some people just dont what a blessing they have. And by the way, i was 14 when i had my MC... Im 18, almost 19 next month... Anyways, that's beside the point, is there anyone that feels the same way I do??

 

[ale]

im literaly breaking down as I write this.... i dont know what else to do

 

[hb1]

I would speak to your Dr about your recurrent mc and cp's and maybe about counselling? You sound like you are hurting so much

hx

 

[Lucia]

I am sorry about your loss. I agree that you should ask your doc for some testing. It might help to talk to someone about your grief as well. A m/c is not something you will ever forget, but there is help out there if you feel that you just don't know what to do or how to handle it.

 

[ale]

thanks ladies.... see, i got counseling, didnt work!! and i never went to the doctor when i had the m/c....so its hard but i just got an ob/gyn, but i havent been yet, im waiting for my regular doc. to make the appointment, but this is for something else, that has nothing to do with fertility.... so i might ask them!

 

[NatoPMT]

Hi Ale

Im so sorry for your losses, Im sorry that you are feeling so lost and alone too. It must be very difficult for you at your age as i assume that you are alone in your social group for fertility problems? Losses make you feel very alone anyway, the only way i have been able to cope is by putting my happy face on with friends, and expressing how i feel in here. Although in some ways its not great as the environment in here is 100% of posters have losses, which can make things feel bleak, you need to be understood and heard.

Sorry i cant offer anything other than empathy, i dont understand the american health system, but i know that recurrent ones can be caused by hormone issues, clotting disorders or fibroids - you need some proper treatment and investigation

 

[ale]

see i try to talk to friends but they dont understand... most of them have happy healthy babies!! so im in a limbo.. my family doesnt even understand either!! the only one that can understand is my OH but hell, he didnt have to go through it, and he's a man, he's not going to understand that much anyway! but i feel as if i have a healthy baby here with my now, i wouldnt have to think about my losses.. you know?

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

sending you big hugs x

 

[goddess25]

I know its tough.. i would certainly mention it to your ob/gyn when your there, they should ask you about your history anyway.

 

[goddess25]

p.s I think you shoud re try counselling with another counsellor perhaps you just never had a connection with the one you had before. Did you go for long. I know a bit about conselling and if you went a few years ago you were still fairly young and your brain takes a longer time to process stuff and make sense of things, now you are a bit older I would really urge you to try again. I am so sorry you are still in so much pain.

 

[ale]

yea my counselor really didnt "counsel" me... like she had me doing how i felt every week and she even tried to put me on Anti-depressants and my mom said NO!!