Husband has major performance anxiety- the stress! Do we still have chance tonight?

[fuschia]

So hubby has the ttc performance anxiety.

Didnt expect this but I guess from now on I need to keep info about fertile days to myself.

Just had a massive row and I cried at him cos we agreed to try this am but becauss he tried to 'get himself excited' and it didnt work ( which is pretty obv as im the one that has had to do that all the time with big efforts!) He just went downstairs and got ready for work .

Im not upset about his performancr anxiety ( though I am frustrated) but he wasnt even prepared to try this am .

I wonder if anyone more experiened with the ovulation tracking woukd know if we still have a chance tonight? ( I wont tell hubby! )

My cycle was 31 days last month ( has varied between 28-31). Been doing clear blue dig ov each morning. Got 1st smiley face yest ( cd15) and another at 4am this morn (cd16). Im thinking my surge must be coming to an end now though. Am I still fertile after the surge? Would I get a positive opk when im actually ovulating or only just before?

Im just wondering if I still have time this month basically?

1 other thing ( sorry !) We eventually managed to get the deed done last night with a lot of work from me and only with me on top. Honestly is this going to work? Obv as I come off hik it all comes out! I still flipped onto back and shoved legs in the air but I was wondering if there was any point!?

Aah so confused !

 

[m.knight]

We had this problem. What we ended up doing was at home insem because he could get "excited" on his own absolutely fine. He would go upstairs and do his thing in a pot then I used a syringe to put it in me. Totally took away any performance anxiety. Yes, it wasn't the "normal" way to do it,but we got the end result we both wanted.

The thing is, if he doesn't manage it one month, don't blame him or put pressure on him. Tell him it's ok and you'll try again next month. He needs to enjoy it. Make the sex about him too so he doesn't feel it's just "baby making sex" (although that's what it is!!)

It's a really really difficult thing for a man to not be able to perform, hugely embarrassing for them so take it easy on him

 

[fuschia]

Hello

Thank you for your reply !

You know we actually touched on that and said that we could do that if it doesnt work this way!

Completely agree about not blaming him ! I was doing such a great job of understanding lovely wife until this am! Then I just went mad as I felt he wasn't even trying but lets face it - I have made things even worse now havent I!

You think of having a baby as such a lovely romantic time with the man you love but there's a whole other side!

Xx

 

[m.knight]

Perhaps do something nice for him tonight, buy him his favourite take away and apologise,tell him there's no pressure tonight and you don't have to try if he doesn't want to. Maybe sacrifice this month of trying to sort this out with him, then start again next month.

It took my hubby 2 years to tell me that he couldn't do it. Thing was he could get erect but couldn't shoot his boys into me. We talked long and hard about it then went to the Dr and were actually waiting for IUI when we tried this. Took us 3 tries but I'm pretty sure t least one of them we missed ovulation, so it's a really good way to do it!

Ha yes, I'm a teacher and have to teach sex ed to the kids, I hate telling them "if you have sex just once you'll get pregnant"..... When I know it's just not that easy!!

It's a bloody difficult road to travel this baby making thing!! Your hubby will be fine, these boys just need making a fuss of sometimes, well I know mine does!!!

 

[fuschia]

Thank you
Yes my hubby can get erect ( altho its not as easy as usual) but its a combination of either losing the erection when he goes on top or just not coming. Im pulling out all the stops lol even wearing his fave dress up out fits but I guess it still doesnt change what's in his head.

Then hes so hard on himself and says hes broken and hes so sad about it! Think you might be right about a bit a nurturing is required!

congratulations on your pregnancy! Such an exciting time! Xx

 

[m.knight]

I would definitely try at home insem then, then he can do it as and when he wants. Hubby would only produce 1 or 2ml of spermies but it was enough. I don't know what he would do upstairs to make it "work" but clearly it did and I didn't ask!! And now were pregnant it just doesn't matter that we conceived that way, and we also know that If we want more in the future we won't have to try for 3 years!!

Good luck I really hope it works out for you, and I look forward to seeing you in the pregnancy forums soon xx

 

[CastawayBride]

I try not to let my hubby know when I am ovulating as I don't want the pressure to pile up. I know it can be hard for them to well, keep things going so I totally get it. I also have been trying to surprise my husband with all different sexual things. Even if we will never do it! LOL For example I was telling him the other day, "We should go on vacation soon, like a cruise with a balcony, wouldn't it be hot to do THIS on the balcony?" Guys are visual, he went from ready to READY in a hot second. LOL Try to enjoy the BD, they also say the more you both enjoy it the better chance of conceiving

 

[KrystleY]

We have started going through something similar. He can get hard and perform but he just won't cum. It takes So long it kind of ruins the fun of it so we have decided not to tell him when I'm ovulating. This way the pressure isn't on if we don't get our BFP this cycle.

 

[Literati_Love]

I just wanted to weigh in that I think you definitely still have a chance. Usually you will only have a +OPK BEFORE you ovulate, and then once you ovulate it should stick around for 12-24 hours, so you still have a bit of time!