Husband upset because I spent money

[hello_kitty]

I originally planned to breastfeed lo until he is 18 months old. My milk supply was really, really low so I ordered a bottle of goat's rue and mother's select because of the positve reviews that I read. Both bottles almost totaled $60. I never told my husband, because money sometimes is a sensitive mother, especially if he doesnt agree with the purchase. I have a separate bank account, so I used my own money to buy them.

I had a hard time losing weight while breastfeeding, and was too scared to cut calories or anything in fear that it would further affect my milk supply. My weight kept creeping up on me and I am dangerously overweight so I had a change of plans to wean him early (at 10 months). I was halfway through with the bottles. I found them sitting in the car, and told husband that I'm afraid the rest will go to waste, or maybe I could save them for the next one (expiring in 2017). He said to save them, but if they expire before then to toss them. I said they cos $30 bucks each. He blew up and exclaimed "$30!!!"

He got upset and went on and on about how I am not frugal and always spending money recklessly and money doesnt grow on trees etc and that I could've used the money towards something else. I told him I was using MY money since I knew he would reacted this way. He said I was wasteful because I didnt even finish the bottles and it didnt help me breastfeed longer. Anywho, now he is so upset that he is laying on the couch like a dead corpse refusing to speak to me. I dont understand why it upsets him so much whenever I spend my own money, he feels like now that we are married its not just "his" or "hers" but "us", so my money is also his and vice versa. I hate spending his working money on personal things unless I really need to. I'd rather spend my own money. Idont know how to describe this but he is such a penny pincher. Am I wrong for buying the bottles to increase my milk suppply?

 

[AK89]

I think dads feel a lot of pressure to provide for their little ones, particularly financially. I've noticed that A LOT with my OH. We have had a few arguments over finances too! Not so much me wanting to spend money and him not wanting to or anything.. I remember for instance when DD was really little and my OH seemed to spend more time working on his little at-home projects (he buys and repairs electrical goods and sells them on) than with DD and it used to cause arguments between us 'cause I just didn't understand why he was prioritising these things over spending precious time with our tiny baby while she was still tiny!! But when I brought it up with him I got it straight away. He was feeling under a lot of pressure to be the "bread winner" and make sure we were comfortable, financially. Maybe this is what's happening with your OH too? Maybe he's feeling stressed about money and hearing that you spent this money AND it went to waste just tipped him over the edge so he reacted irrationally/went over the top? Have you spoken to him about it since? I'd let him calm down a bit and then talk to him about it

 

[hanni]

Aw tell him to grow up and get off his high horse! You haven't spent it on gambling or a solar powered torch you've spent it on something to help feed your child. I'd be in a huff about him being in a huff if that was my OH 😂

No you weren't wrong at all.

 

[misspriss]

Remind him how much you HAVEN'T spent on formula for 10 months...

What a jerk.

 

[hello_kitty]

Yea we got in a huge fight, and he told me he was upset because he thought I was wasting money by buying something I DIDNT use (still unopened). He also asked me why I still bought it if I knew I was gonna wean within a week or two. Basically this is his thought process

"I'm pissed because she bought 2 bottles of supplements for $60, when clearly she didnt even need it because she said she was going to wean. Heck, she probably didnt even open the bottles. We could've bought diapers with the 60 bucks".

What he doesnt know

I bought the supplements assuming that I would nurse til lo turns 18 months. I finished half the bottle and then decided I would stop nursing altogether because I gained 10 lbs (already overweight...actually obese). In order to establish a good milk supply I would have to keep eating extra and this wasnt helping with my weight. For the sake of my kid's and looking at the bigger pic, I decided to wean so I could lose weight thus the leftover bottles.

He finally calmed down and I told him what really happened and that I didnt mean to wean, I WAS going to bf til 18 months but to control my weight, I had to stop, it was a last minute decision.

He finally went "oh, why didnt you tell me? We could've avoided fighting"
Me: "you didnt let me talk"

 

[bdb84]

He sounds awfully petty in this situation. You did nothing wrong.

 

[MrsT&Ben]

He sounds like an asshole. You have to make the decision on what's bests for you and baby. It's your body. It's only money and at the end of the day it was spent on your child. How controlling can one person be?
I get cross with my husband for wasting water or leaving lights on but never on something for the children. They could have my last penny as far as I'm concerned!!!!

 

[hello_kitty]

He sounds like an asshole. You have to make the decision on what's bests for you and baby. It's your body. It's only money and at the end of the day it was spent on your child. How controlling can one person be?
I get cross with my husband for wasting water or leaving lights on but never on something for the children. They could have my last penny as far as I'm concerned!!!!

Exactly! My kids are priceless, $60 bucks is nothing. I was so cross with him yesterday, it resulted in a huge fight because I started cursing. By the end of the day I was still cross and called him cheap. He said he is not cheap and that he's spent way more on the kids, and they have more than enough toys/clothes and if he were cheap they wouldn't have excess clothes lying around eveywhere BUT he doesnt empathize if I bought something and didnt use it = wasteful.

I was so mad I called my mom for back up and she ended up being on his side because she said he has a point that if I spent $60 bucks on something and ended up not using it is a waste. They are all thinking that I bought the damn pills when I knew I would stop breastfeeding in a week or two...come on who could be so stupid? I DIDNT know I would stop breastfeeding cold turkey.

 

[misspriss]

OMG, it's $60, not $600..you OH and your mom need l to learn when to make a big deal about something or let it go. Is $30 (half bottles!) really worth all this strife?