Husband's depression = no baby

[AwesomePossum]

My husband has been struggling with depression for a long time and finally went on antidepressants in October. Our sex life was almost non-existent when he was really depressed. We have talked about having another baby and he said he wanted to start trying. My OPK was positive last night, but he has had low mood again from stress at work and we haven't bd since last month. We agreed to get up early to bd this morning before he left for work. He was too depressed to even try. I got sad because I felt like I wasted all this time, energy and money even bothering to track my fertility this month. Me showing the least bit of disappointment and sadness made him worse and instead of making love this morning I held him in the shower while he sobbed because he felt like he was letting me down. It's hard enough ttc that I just don't think I can do this without being able to show any emotion for fear of pushing him off the edge. I also think that maybe I don't have the energy for a baby (I also have a two year old and a teen) because of the energy spent helping my husband through his depression. I'm so sad and I just have no where else to really vent. I had to wait until he left for work to cry.https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/images/smilies/cry.gif

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

I'm really sorry you are dealing with (his) depression. When my husband and I met he was depressed, always sitting in his dark room playing video games when he wasn't at work. I started by opening the blinds to let the light in and then gradually got him out of the house to do stuff he enjoyed or we wanted to try. Then I bought him a dog (which he had wanted for a long time) and he finally kicked the depression. It took a lot of energy out of me and I had to put his needs above my own but it was a choice I made because I love him. Obviously, this is the short version.

Personally, I would not be trying for another in your situation. If you did end up being able to bd and you weren't successful he might get worse (feeling like a failure), or you were successful and it would leave you trying to deal with the older children, his depression and possibly MS or severe fatigue and then later, a newborn...which ultimately could lead to you having ppd.

I understand the desire for another child and how draining ttc can be (#2 took us 3 years of active trying to conceive). Could you both see a therapist; him for the depression and you to freely talk about how it is effecting you?

Though it probably isn't what you want to hear, I suggest putting off ttc until your DH gets the help he needs. He needs your help, love and support.

Good luck hun!

 

[lisap2008]

Has he had a hormone panel done? if not I would strongly suggest getting him to a lab, if his testosterone is low and estrogen is high this can cause depression , mood swings ( like we women get with PMS) , low or non existent sex drive, fatigue , lack of energy, hair loss, low sperm count , difficulty getting erection. If it does turn out that this is the cause of his depression dont let them prescribe him testosterone this will eventually shut down his own testosterone production and sperm production , instead there are drugs such as arimidex and clomid that can help his body produce more of his natural testosterone and lower estrogen this raises sex drive and sperm count. really hope your able to get to the root of the cause.