After two years of TTC (Both of us have been tested by fertility clinics and there's no reason why it should be taking so long), I finally got a BFP. I was pregnant for about a week and then had a MC. DH didn't want to tell his parents and since his parents and our friends are all really close, that means nobody can know. I know if someone should slip and mention it to his parents, they would be devastated that they didn't know. He won't really say why he doesn't want them to know.
Anyway, I was cleared to start TTC this cycle. I'm 12DPO and had a huge temperature drop so I'm probably out which is upsetting enough.
So, you know how when you're upset, sometimes things just start to snow ball out of control as you just finally let open the flood gates?
I miss my baby. Sure, I only knew about them for a week, but I miss my baby. And then, I keep wishing my mother were here so that I had my mom to talk to about this and just receive that special brand of comfort only a mother can give. I really need it right now. But she isn't here because she was a drug addict and overdosed when I was 11. This led to me being so angry with her for not being here for me. She made such a stupid choice.
So I've gone through this alone. DH didn't really feel the connection to the baby I did. He was still trying to believe I had a BFP when I MC'd. So he doesn't "get it", not like my mother would have (she miscarried half of her children). I know she loved me. I know if she knew her addiction would take her life, she would have stopped. I know it would just break her heart to know I need her and she can't be here for me. I just...I wish she were here.
So bring on the ugly cry with the sobbing, the tears, the hiccups. Just bring it on.
Anyway, I was cleared to start TTC this cycle. I'm 12DPO and had a huge temperature drop so I'm probably out which is upsetting enough.
So, you know how when you're upset, sometimes things just start to snow ball out of control as you just finally let open the flood gates?
I miss my baby. Sure, I only knew about them for a week, but I miss my baby. And then, I keep wishing my mother were here so that I had my mom to talk to about this and just receive that special brand of comfort only a mother can give. I really need it right now. But she isn't here because she was a drug addict and overdosed when I was 11. This led to me being so angry with her for not being here for me. She made such a stupid choice.
So I've gone through this alone. DH didn't really feel the connection to the baby I did. He was still trying to believe I had a BFP when I MC'd. So he doesn't "get it", not like my mother would have (she miscarried half of her children). I know she loved me. I know if she knew her addiction would take her life, she would have stopped. I know it would just break her heart to know I need her and she can't be here for me. I just...I wish she were here.
So bring on the ugly cry with the sobbing, the tears, the hiccups. Just bring it on.
