I can't cope anymore with my son :(((

[bluecathy1978]

My son is 9 years old and his behaviour is becoming increasingly frustrating. At the moment it is not helped by the fact that I am pregnant again and have gestational diabetes which is now insulin managed. This is making me very tired and very grumpy.

My son will not do anything we ask of him. He constantly refuses to do his homework. I did mention this to the school and they said he should bring his homework to the homework club which is at lunchtime but he never goes. His teacher this year actually runs it so I would think that she would get him to do it instead of going on at me when he doesnt complete it!

He makes lots of stories up. I have just had one of his teachers come to me and say that he has been saying that he was chased down the street by a man with a sword, he cannot play out in the garden because all the fences are broken and lots of other stuff that I cannot remember.

She also said maybe regulate which games he is playing on his computer. She said instead of me having a break (lmfao at that one with 5 kids!!) get him to come and do something with me instead. Like cleaning, the cooking or changing nappies?

There is no reasoning with him either. We have tried allsorts. We try to encourage towards a goal with incentives but they don't work or if you say something like if you don't do your homework then you won't get to play on the computer for a week. He just still refuses to cooperate.

I am not sure where to go from here

 

[Eternal]

So how does he react when you take the computer away for a week? He he the eldest?

 

[_jellybean_]

Hi. I'm sorry your having a difficult time. I'd keep trying rewards/consequences, and I'd try using a reward chart. I'd also set up a meeting with his teacher, the counselor, and with the principal to discuss his behavior and to see where to go from here. Do you think there's something going on? If so, you could take him to see a child psychologist yourself. Yes--his teacher should be making sure he goes to the club. How is he doing in school behavior wise? How are his reading and math skills? On level?

 

[seoj]

tbh- for us, the hardest time with our oldest was around 9-11yrs... it really got bad at 9yrs (as she would argue over EVERYTHING! Literally)- and hate silence or "alone" time- so she was constantaly asking us to do something with her, or talking at us - not even really waiting for a response. But she for SURE pushed limits and tested our boundaries hard-- it got easier as she got older and had more self control. I think when you have a stubborn or, in our case, a child with anxiety- that age is so tough cause they are old enough to think things through and try to get their way- but not old enough to have good self decipline- and it's a tough combo. Not sure how your son is? But maybe this is part of the issue?

With our oldest (who's now 16 and a lovely teenager btw)-- we had to set VERY clear rules and limits- there was no 2nd chance, we simply told her "this is what we are asking, and here is the consequence if it's not done". Usually taking her phone away (when she got one later on). But it could be video games, or whatever your child is particular found of... it was hard at first, but in time, all I had to do was give her "the look" and hold out my hand- and wham. She knew. LOL. And that was the end of it. Not all the time- of course... but drastic change within months. We also gave options- so she felt like she had control, but it was sensored control and what was Ok with us as parents... like if she asked to do something we didn't like, we simply said "Here is what you can do (not shooting down her idea, but offering up better options)... offer A or offer B" and even if she didn't get her way, overall, we were all happier.

We also had a rewards (sticker) chart and she could save them up for something she did enjoy- like having a friend sleep over, or going to a movie, special dinner together- things like that. We never used the rewards as punishment- they were ONLY for good behavior and rewarded daily as needed. Like she'd get a sticker if she didn't argue for one day. If not, there was not real "punishment" - just no sticker and whatever consequence we deemed Ok at the time... also, sorry to go on... LOL... we used positive reinforcement, talked OFTEN, if she mis-behaved, she was old enough to try to explain why- or at least for us to help her vocalize her feelings and it helped her feel more "heard". We never said she was wrong to feel that way- just talked through more productive ways to help her and us.

It get's better- just give it time and patients (best you can hun).

 

[JASMAK]

My son is 10, my daughter is almost 9....totally get it! So, do you make him do his homework, or, do you let him choose and face the consequences? Or, make him sit on his bed...no toys, books, games (no free time) until homework is done. He can sit there until bed if he chooses not to, and still face the consequences at school. I would be inclined to call the teacher too, and make sure there is consequences. For the lying....call him on it. Reward truth-telling.