I can't take much more...i'm slowly falling to pieces...

[smiler85]

For those of you that have read my previous posts you will know the story.

After weeks of no contact I decided to call FOB last week..he ignored my calls to start with then picked up. Got his usual sarci immature comments and basically told him he needs to be a man now or eff off for good.

A few days later he called me and gave me a big apology, said he wants to be involved, come to the scans, be at the birth.....

At first I was so happy and was so relieved too. I finally felt like I had him to lean on and wasn't on my own anymore.

Well, I haven't heard from him since then, 4 days ago, and I am slowly starting to lose it. I sat around everyday when we weren't talking wondering when he would call, now that we've cleared the air I am still waiting around for him to call. I know he will be out all weekend with his mates getting drunk and pulling girls (he is 20). The scan is on Wednesday, I have a horrible feeling he will text me late Tues night asking if i'm still on for the scan on Wed at 9am....if he does that part of me really wants to tell him to do one, part of me just wants to say yes regardless.

The thing is, I want him, I want to be with him. I walked out 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant after a massive row he couldn't come back from, by that I mean he wouldn't just learn from the row and move on, he dwelled on it to the point he was nasty and I couldn't take anymore.

We didn't speak again until I tld him I was pregnant...we met up a couple of days later and I asked if we could try again, he just kept saying he couldn't see it happening.

I miss him, and I know what we had before this row was perfect. It breaks my heart knowing my baby won't have its dad.

He is in the army so wouldn't be around much even if we was together - everyday I see a British Soldier has been killed in Afghan my heart breaks a little more - he is due to go in Sept/Oct and I just want to hold him and never let him go.

How do I get past this so he can still be involved?? I have sat here for the past hour is tears...

If I wasn't pregnant with his baby I would just move on as he has not shown any interest in getting back together baby or no baby so for me that says it all..but I am carrying his baby and I feel a strong bond with him for that...I don't want my baby not to have its daddy, but this is breaking my heart and stressing me out - which I don't need.


If he was really interested in his baby surely he would text me a couple of times a week and see how "we" are?? If he expects to be at the birth does he really think he can rock up and just be there? I need support, someone I trust, someone who I can rely on...he is none of those...he would be like a stranger! I couldn't give birth with him in the room if this is how it's going to be the next 6 months!

I am so confused. I just want him out of my life and to never see him again, but on the other hand I want us to be a family and be happy like we was. 1 row and we are now like this?

I have blabbed on a bit...but I have no 1 to talk to. My best mate is on holiday and I have talked another mate to death tonight on this...they all think I am crazy for letting him back in so easily after the way he's treated me the past 3 months....I agree, but I think my want for the perfect family is clouding my judgement and my mate is worried now that I will be left in pieces by him as he is not been interested in the baby one bit (infact he asked me to have an abortion) and they think he will hurt me and they dnt want me to have to deal with that whilst pregnant for mine and the baby's health.

Help me ladies...I am so confused...

 

[Hayley90]

hun, i cant say i know exactly how you feel, if im honest i was just browsing & wanted to see if i could help

but my OH is in the army too - let me tell you, even if you havent got back together/resumed contact by the time he goes away, that tour WILL clear his head either way.

If he wants to be involved with his babies life, its that tour that will make him realise it. Same with your relationship - if things aren't definate before he goes away, tell him how you feel & let him dwell on it.

When liam was away he did an awful lot of thinking and although he came back with other problems from the tour, he was 150% sure what he wanted from life, me, our relationship - everything.

Your best bet is to tell him how you feel, even if its just a little - if he throws it back, then at least you'l know where you stand and can make arrangements to be amicable for bubs sake. If he isnt sure let him think it over.

I know it must be so hard, but stay strong & happy for your bubba, everything will work out in the end, either way. xxx

 

[Laura2919]

Its hard aint it. My partner is 21 and I am 23, After an argument pretty much like you I walked out. I wanted change but didnt know how I would feel.

So far I have hit every emotion I can think of and it keeps getting worse. But what I think is that someone somewhere is gonna treat me a hell of a lot better and I wont have to walk on egg shells. Stupid I know but I love him more than words can describe but we are just not going to work! We have tried for weeks and nothing is different.

If he continues to act this way you will only end up hating him.

If he wants to be like that so be it. Your gonna be a mummy and he is gonna be a daddy.
It isnt always amicable. I cant stand to look at the twins dad because I just think you gave up, I may have walked away but he was the one who didnt want to change and he didnt want to help me change!

Hope things pick up for you soon xx

 

[Babys Mother]

Hi Smiler.. im so sorry that you are having a shitty time at the mo..and i really hope things look up for you very soon..

Just reading between the lines..if he is due to go in sept/oct then he could be cutting his emotional ties..maybe he thinks deep down that you would be better off as he is not sure what is going to happen out there..? (x'd nothing will)

Not sticking up for him as i dont fully know your situation and you must be going through turmoil at the moment...but if everything was perfect before this..then maybe there could be a chance..??

I wish you all the best...

 

[scottishgal89]

hiya.
firstly huge huge
i totally know how you feel. fob broke up with me when i was 20weeks pregnant- he had been nasty and abusive and i'd been too scared to leave him.
he always would do horrendous things and then apologise and i'd believe him and let him off with it- i would have been as well writing mug on my forehead.
he wanted to be at the birth and things too and said he wouldnt miss an appointment.
my advice to you is (i know this is hard)- you need to look after yourself and your little baby and stop worrying about him. things with him will run its course and will work out over time- fob let me down time after time. he missed scans with little to no warning and i ended up saying i didnt want him at the birth- i needed someone who would know how to help and support me and not someone who would probably end up making me upset. my mum was my birthing partner. you have a lot of decisions ahead of you but right now dont think about that. you have a long time to sort all these things out.
as for wanting to be a family- i completely agree. my ex was wanting to join the raf and i didnt want him to go incase something happened- to be honest now i wish he had gone.
if you broke up with him- there was a reason for you doing that- you are better off without him because he doesnt sound like hes worth it. all your baby needs is its mummy! (i know people will disagree with me on that but in some cases it really is true) just remember that. we all would like to be a we happy family and that is such a hard thing to accept but you'll get there eventually- i am and i know i do everything thats best for my daughter and things have worked out this way and we're both better off.
i dont want to scare you but things didnt turn out well with fob in my case. he was so nasty, abusive, threatening and bullying that i have actually stopped contact and he's probably going to take me to court but maybe you will work things out. it was my choice for things to go this way.
just try and relax! im not trying to sound harsh or scare you but things will keep changing over the next 5months so dont try and fix it all now. i tried to do that and i ended up stressing and upsetting myself over someone who just wasnt worth it.
i hope i've maybe helped a wee bit. feel free to pm me if you want to talk or have any questions xx