I don't agree with this ....

[zombiedaisy]

I understand completely where your coming from. With my first born my doctor wouldn't not let it go how I needed to breast feed. Issue was, I had to have surgery after he was born to remove a tumor from my breast, so i couldn't breast feed due to the medications and the giant wound that had to heal from the inside out. It was just not possible. Had nothing to do with not wanting to, but that specific doctor made me feel horrible about it. Issue was, I could leave the tumor to breast feed and risk it being cancerous or have it removed and ensure it wasn't cancerous. I decided it was better my child had me around then to breast feed and risk cancer.

With my daughter, I tried, but due to all the scar tissue from the previous surgery, I couldn't get much of anything out from that side. My ducts were blocked with scar tissue. I didn't get much grief with it as they understood why, but I did have someone on DH side, who I had never met, walk up to me and say "your breast feeding right" and I said "no" and she lectured me about it. I just walked away. I figured I don't need to explain to you why i cant, its not your business. I did leave there in about tears though because she just glared at me every time I tried to feed my daughter a bottle.

This time ive been working to be able to breast feed, but I do realize I might not be able to. Everyone knows breast milk is ideal, but it doesn't mean its for everyone and I would never judge someone for their decision. I know how difficult it is to be judged in regards to it and I would never want to make another mother feel the way I felt.

 

[jensha]

It's to help encourage more women to breastfeed. Let's be realistic - do we truly believe that women who stop breastfeeding "because they can't", do it because they actually cannot? Or do many of them not understand things like supply and demand, what/when growth spurts are, why growth spurts exist, etc.? Do they know what to do in a case of flat nipples, a baby with tongue tie, etc? The vast majority of women do NOT know how to deal with those things and hence turn to formula because... "they can't breastfeed".

Don't let my breastfeeding blinkie confuse you, I formula fed my first after trying everything I thought was possible with a baby who had a lot of medical problems. But as time goes on and the more research you do into breastfeeding, the more you realize that the 50-75% of "I can't" (formula feeding statistics depending on area) is not necessarily "I can't" (or the whole human race would be underweight or dying at infancy), it is "I don't know what to do about this and I'm going to get formula because it's there".

It really is that simple IMO.

So YES, it is YOUR baby, and YOUR decision, but the whole point is existing advertisement regulations to help you make an informed decision. A lot of people still believe formula is equal to breast milk, and it not, a simple ingredient list will indicate that but it is an attempt to dispel myths.

 

[susan_1981]

Haven't read through all this but I breastfed for the first 2 weeks - well combination fed, more because I felt so pressurised into breastfeeding than because I wanted to and yes it does annoy me. Like I went into Boots to buy formula and wanted to pay with my Boots Advantage Card points but was told I couldn't by law! So I have £10's worth of points on my card, but I can't pay with it! Ridiculous! I'm not harming my baby by formula feeding so it does really bug me. Some people just don't want to breast feed, end of x

 

[Chezzz]

See as much as I'm planning on formula feeding as I've previously said. I do feel pressured to try breast feeding. All of my friends have atleast tried best feeding. One of my friends breast fed her son until 1 year.. As that's not common for an 18 yea old girl,
I would never have thought breast feeding was 'posh' and don't know anyone who does. My problem is genuinely I don't like things touching my nipples - strange since I used to have it pierced but not even my OH can touch them as I freak out. He's asked me to try and breast feed. So I will try, and maybe I might get along with it. But for me, I've bought formula and bottles an will possibly combi feed.
I wa never breast fed neither were my siblings and an were, smart people without health issues.
I do honestly think there is too much pressure, I know boob is best. But that doesn't mean I can bring myself to do it. And that makes me feel like a failure. So I just have to try and be proud of my choice to probably use formula with a small possiblity of breast milk.. But I feel very pressured into it..

 

[Kitsch]

I feel the same way, I believe each to their own and it should be our decision. I don't think it's a decision any one comes to lightly either as there are obviously benefits but that doesn't mean that is possible for everyone or everyone's cup of tea!

Everyone assumes that I'm going to BF even though OH and I decided whilst trying that it wasn't for us for multiple reasons. My MW feels the need to check that I haven't changed my mind every time I see her even though from day one I told her it was a definite no on that front.

I also hate how some other women look down on you for not BF, I've had some bad looks or comments from other mothers I know when I've told them I'm not going to BF as if I've just told them I plan to feed my baby vodka instead of milk!

 

[bababas]

i was able to breastfeed for up to 5-6 months. and feel the same that everybody wants you to breastfeed. but if you want help no one helps! everybody is in a hurry and has no patience, and thinks you already know everything!

it was a bad experience though for a first time mom. also for LO.

i had difficulties so i looked for help, but just got negative comments that i did not try enough and that i should breastfeed. but actual help i did not get. only negative blabla, from friends, OH and professionals.

with my second one i will try again, i wont ask for help this time. it just shot me down big time! i will just help myself this time! then i wont feel like a looser, stupid mom. that is how i felt when i asked for help last time. fk those! grrrrr.

 

[Chezzz]

I feel the same way, I believe each to their own and it should be our decision. I don't think it's a decision any one comes to lightly either as there are obviously benefits but that doesn't mean that is possible for everyone or everyone's cup of tea!

Everyone assumes that I'm going to BF even though OH and I decided whilst trying that it wasn't for us for multiple reasons. My MW feels the need to check that I haven't changed my mind every time I see her even though from day one I told her it was a definite no on that front.

I also hate how some other women look down on you for not BF, I've had some bad looks or comments from other mothers I know when I've told them I'm not going to BF as if I've just told them I plan to feed my baby vodka instead of milk!

i feel like people expect me to formula feed because im young.. and i feel judged because of that.. i dont get judged on my age.. just when i buy formula i feel like people are like oh she didnt wanna 'ruin' her boobs or whatever..
my MIL really wanted me to BF as she did, but she understands my choices.
i know what you mean RE: people act as if youve said your gonna feed the baby vodka not milk haha!

 

[little_lady]

Actually I didn't feel pressured into breastfeeding at all. I don't know many people who breastfed past a couple of weeks and people did think I was 'odd' for breastfeeding past six months.

Also I had little to no advice on how to breastfeed properly. I had a flat nipple and it was very painful, but all the midwives could do was shove the nipple in baby's direction and advise me to keep on trying. I didn't understand about cluster feeding and was in tears because I just wanted to sleep after a looong labour and my baby wouldn't let me. All the other babies on my ward were sound asleep because they were formula fed (that's what I thought anyway lol) so I very nearly changed my mind and went to formula. I only read on here about nipple shields, growth spurts and cluster feeding and the support was invaluable.

So yes, there does need to be more advice around. Also people forget the 'pressure' goes the other way too - if you want your baby to sttn, give them formula. If you want to know exactly how much your baby is drinking, give them formula. If you need a break, give them formula. If you want to be seen as 'normal', give them formula!

I have nothing against formula feeding at all, it's just funny how my experience has been the complete opposite of a lot of people on here.

 

[bababas]

i also feel like that society judges women who breastfeed too long. like ones i heard a mom say "huh very funny her son is like almost 2 years and she still breastfeeds him". majority is annoying! i feel like everybody wants you to breastfeed. but if you manage to breastfeed up to 2 years or more then it is strange again i dont get it. this is just how i feel. it is like whatever you do nothing is good enough. and people just talk you down no matter what you do. can hardly lift a finger and they expect to know everything about you.

 

[staybeautiful]

This has been a really interesting thread. One thing I would say with regards to the council estates/deprived areas having a reduced rate of breastfeeding, is that it is totally true. I am going to be a FTM when my LO arrives, and I do plan on BFing (for both the benefits to LO and the selfish side of not having to fork out for cans of SMA 1 or whatever at pretty much £10 a can, and wanting to use it as part of 'operation get me thin again'). However, I only know my own mum to have breastfed her babies (even if briefly), and OH's mum (who breastfed my OH for a while but bottle fed his 2 younger sisters).

Out of all the people I know who have had babies over the past 6 years, when my peers properly started popping out babies left, right and centre, not a single one of them has breastfed for longer than 24 hours. They get called selfish for 'hogging the baby' at the mere suggestion of BF, because other people think it's their right to feed the baby if they visit. They get told that they're not making enough milk because their LO wants to feed every 2 hours. These are just some of the things I've heard - and I and a lot of my friends/colleagues live in what could be described as deprived areas, and mostly come from council estate backgrounds. Formula is what is normal, I'm the freak for wanting to breastfeed.

Some things are bound to happen with BF, like getting sore nipples, cluster feeding etc, and while I'm yet to experience how hard these are (because that I am not questioning whatsoever), people must get through them all the time if they're able to continue breastfeeding, whereas other people may see them as signs to switch. People (my OH included) are shocked if I say to them that I want to EBF for 6 months. My NHS trust only has a 25% rate of babies at 6 weeks old getting BF'd and that scares me - if I find it hard am I going to be pressured to switch, or not be able to stick to my original plan due to lack of support? I've already been told I'm going to make life difficult for myself by BFing - would that be even worse if Formula was advertised and able to be put on special offer?

 

[NoodleSnack]

Every formula tin has instructions on the side. It's not a skill in the same way as BFing. I agree that maybe they should give out the WHO information on how to safely prepare bottles, but it really doesn't need going into any further than that IMO.

Actually there are practical informations that would be good for us to have: like whether we can keep it in the fridge, best way to make it (I only found out there could be bacteria in it after internet research), bottle types, nipple types, storage of equipment after sterilizations etc. but most importantly, I wanted to hear about other people's experience. I got shut down when I asked if I should have bottles and formula just in case BF doesn't work out in the first few days.

Those classes should be about providing information, there should not be a topic banned from group discussion as was the case with FF. As a FTM, I have questions about both methods, the so-called instruction on the tin is no where enough.

On the other hand, I do agree about the no advertising, I think people should get their info from people who works in the profession - Midwife, gp etc, but it becomes a problem when the guidelines don't allow them to discuss FF openly, but only negatively with the mother to discourage her.

 

[patch2006uk]

I think little_lady has it spot on tbh. The reality is that society expects you to formula feed. Yes, midwives and doctors might give you an ear bashing about it while you're pregnant, but actually once LO is here, if your breastfeed, you're in the minority. At LO's 6 week check up, I was asked how many oz he was taking per feed (answer-i have no idea-was met with utter confusion until the penny dropped that I meant I breastfed) I was asked at his 9-12 month review how many bottles he was now drinking (answer-zero-was almost given an ear bashing that he was too young to be off milk completely, before I explained that he'd never had a bottle as he's breastfed). When LO had a sickness bug, I was asked if he was drinking anything, and they were shocked when I said he was BFing. The assumption from the health professionals is that you formula feed.

The assumption from family and friends is that they'll get to sit around, watching the baby while you sleep. That daddy will do the night feeds so you can 'recover from the birth'. That LO will have a dummy and sleep in their own room and only need feeding every 4 hours, and if they're not doing that, then you're 'making a rod for your own back' and LO will be 'spoiled'.

The NHS may have come up with the phrase 'breast is best', but it's empty words and hollow rhetoric. The support, as a few people have said, is shocking. I was lucky, in many ways, in my deprived area, as at least they'd invested in a 24 hour helpline and a few staff. The midwives on the ward (we had latching problems initially-it took LO 8 days LO latch on) didn't understand why I was bothering to express for him rather than let someone else FF him while I rested. We never had weight issues, but those who do find that they are threatened with social services if they continue to breastfeed.

 

[bubbles]

In 5years of being pregnant and having children I've never felt pressure to breastfeed but had plenty to formula feed!
The laws are there to protect babies, not a mothers feelings and I for one whole heartedly agree with the laws. All you have to do is look at the countries where these laws are not in place and how ferociously formula producers push the product. The UNICEF documentary "formula for disaster" is a very informative watch and I would urge people to watch it whether you breastfeed or formula feed.

 

[aliss]

Where I come from, formula is not really discussed nor is it considered an acceptable 'lifestyle' choice by people but at the same time, we are not under pressure to breastfeed, if that makes sense.

If there is a true medical reason then that is what it is for, and everyone knows that, but women aren't necessarily "pressured" when in general, women believe that breastfeeding is the way babies are fed, but that an alternative exists if there are medical problems.

I suppose a reason a lot of women in say, the UK, feel "pressured" to breast feed is because they view the whole thing as "what should I choose?" in the first place. If women (girls, really) are raised with the notion that breastfeeding is the normal but that formula exists for medical reasons, then there is really no way to be pressured, because you go into pregnancy and parenthood with a completely different expectation.

I hope that makes sense. I have always found it strange that women in other countries feel "pressured" to breastfeed because those of us who come from areas with high rates (ie. 90-95% breastfeeding to start) don't necessarily feel pressured. We just accept that this is the method that nature designed, and that man made an alternative if things go wrong.

Just another cultural view...

 

[MrsHopeful]

I live in an area which has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the Uk and seem to have a Very different experience from most on here. At my NHS class we were told about breast and bottle....she asked us if we wanted to know anything about formula feeding.....and I have not felt pressurised to breastfeed at all. I plan to breastfeed, and people ask me why I would want to as they think it is weird-it's not the norm where I live.
I however do not care either way what other people do-their baby, their choice. My hospital provide formula for after birth if you plan to formula feed, and have said they will help new mums with feeding whether it be breast or bottle. I feel that whatever new mums in my area choose, our choice is supported.

 

[patch2006uk]

Every formula tin has instructions on the side. It's not a skill in the same way as BFing. I agree that maybe they should give out the WHO information on how to safely prepare bottles, but it really doesn't need going into any further than that IMO.

Actually there are practical informations that would be good for us to have: like whether we can keep it in the fridge, best way to make it (I only found out there could be bacteria in it after internet research), bottle types, nipple types, storage of equipment after sterilizations etc. but most importantly, I wanted to hear about other people's experience. I got shut down when I asked if I should have bottles and formula just in case BF doesn't work out in the first few days.

Those classes should be about providing information, there should not be a topic banned from group discussion as was the case with FF. As a FTM, I have questions about both methods, the so-called instruction on the tin is no where enough.

On the other hand, I do agree about the no advertising, I think people should get their info from people who works in the profession - Midwife, gp etc, but it becomes a problem when the guidelines don't allow them to discuss FF openly, but only negatively with the mother to discourage her.

Most of the safety info would actually be covered by the WHO leaflet tbh. Although I do agree that more focussing on WHY it's important to store formula safely once prepared would be helpful. So many seem to think formula is sterile and totally safe, however it's prepared and stored

The stuff about bottles and teats is again going to be so dependent on each baby. I don't see how getting recommendations from a group would really help with that, as what suits one won't suit another.

 

[Saphira]

There is a lot of outside pressure to breastfeed, that's true. I wish instead of promoting "breast is best" so much, more support would be given to women who choose to give breastfeeding a go and have a rough start with it. No one was willing to help me in my daughter's first days when I desperately tried to make breastfeeding work. Not the nurses in the hospital nor the midwife who came to us for home check ups - they were willing to shove her into my breast a few times and on they went. I felt like I was expected to sort it all out myself. How when I have a screaming baby who's starved and won't latch? I was one who was set on breastfeeding before my daughter was born but was faced with starving her or giving some much needed formula. I pumped as much breastmilk as I could until my supply pretty much dried up 3 weeks into her life. Packing the pump away felt like the ultimate failure to me and I hurt so badly. I went through the sadness of it not working out for months. I've learned not to set the bar so high only to be let down. I did my best for my daughter and I always will. I'm so thankful for formula, she's thrived on it.

 

[twobecome3]

Ok I'm not getting into the breast V bottle debate, everyone has there own opinions so please if your just going to lecture on the benefits then please don't as that's not what this thread is for ....
Anyway my point being is that nowadays everyone just 'assumes' your going to breast feed, which fair enough doesn't bother me, however thinking about this further I've noticed that all formula milk adverts on tv are for 'follow on' milk and never for first infant milk. Also whilst just browsing the mothercare website I came across a formula starter pack, which the first thing it says is 'breast milk is best formula should only be used after consultation with your doc or midwife'

Now I totally understand the benefits of breast feeding, however at the end of the day shouldn't it be our decision as to how we choose to feed our own child? Without being made guilty if we decide to choose formula? Recently I've had 4 friends who all wanted to breastfeed and all ended up having to bottle within a week due to different reasons meaning they couldn't, however 3 of my friends were completely devastated that they couldn't breast feed and felt a failure, I never understood this at first but thinking about it now I can see why they felt like this as all society is trying to get us to breast feed as it seems to be expected of us. Surely this isn't right? It's our baby so it should be our decision what we choose to do?
Does anyone else feel like this or am I just seeing too much into this?
And once again PLEASE DON'T comment on the debate of bottle V breast cause ano how heated those get and that's not what I want.

bah the world feels the need to tell us how to mother. it was not too long ago that 'they' said bottle was best, and that was the 'norm' that ppl strived for. so many things with birth/childcare go in and out of fashion and whatevers in fashion at the time is touted as 'best' with any alternative meaning you fail as a mum. really its up to each mum to decide whats best for their baby. they also used to strap you down and heavily drug you during labor cuz it was thought best.....

there are so many advertising laws and standards now too. like i think theres one about how much sugar content can be in a breakfast cereal. theres one that says formula must have disclaimer of breast is best. ciggys cant be advertised. etc etc etc.

i personally havnt felt any pressure either way, but i also dont ever watch commercials or see advertisements because i stream my tv shows online. i wasnt breastfed and i dont remember any of my cousins that were, everyone seemed to bottlefeed in the 80's-90's. i grew up a strong athletic child with no allergies or ailments. if i missed out on something i havnt noticed.

i plan to breastfeed because its free and right there. been having some performance anxiety about it. i dont want anyone to see me until i know what im doing!

 

[skye93]

Yes! I hate how my OB just assumes I will be breastfeeding, yes I am going to try but if I can't I can't.

 

[lemongrass]

Where I come from, formula is not really discussed nor is it considered an acceptable 'lifestyle' choice by people but at the same time, we are not under pressure to breastfeed, if that makes sense.

If there is a true medical reason then that is what it is for, and everyone knows that, but women aren't necessarily "pressured" when in general, women believe that breastfeeding is the way babies are fed, but that an alternative exists if there are medical problems.

I suppose a reason a lot of women in say, the UK, feel "pressured" to breast feed is because they view the whole thing as "what should I choose?" in the first place. If women (girls, really) are raised with the notion that breastfeeding is the normal but that formula exists for medical reasons, then there is really no way to be pressured, because you go into pregnancy and parenthood with a completely different expectation.

I hope that makes sense. I have always found it strange that women in other countries feel "pressured" to breastfeed because those of us who come from areas with high rates (ie. 90-95% breastfeeding to start) don't necessarily feel pressured. We just accept that this is the method that nature designed, and that man made an alternative if things go wrong.

Just another cultural view...

This is how I feel too. There definitely is a cultural thing going on. I know women who have formula fed but none who decided to during pregnancy. You breastfeed unless you have a medical issue and then you use formula if you can't. It isn't a "choice" here culturally. Of course, it is a choice, it is there in stores and women do use it- but I've never heard a woman say "I'm choosing to breastfeed/formula feed."