I don't know how to feel

[mumanddad]

Good morning ladies, well this is going to be quite long so i would put your feet up.

Well here goes.....

I am 23 and oh is 25 we met 4 years ago and i fell pregnant 2 months in to our relationship, which was a shock to the system but how ever we moved in together 3 months later and got set to bring out baby up together.

We found out we was having a little boy at our 20 wk scan and pregnancy was amazing i had no problems what so ever. i had to have another scan because at a mw appointment they couldn't find baby's head.

at this scan they put my dates back 3 weeks saying i must not of been tracking af properly, which i had i know i had!

Well Logan-George was still born at there dates 41 week 3 day 28th January 2008, .

We opted for a full post Morton to find out Logan died due to the cord but i was also 43 weeks 3 days pregnant.... i was so angry my baby could of been here in my arms

I also found out i was a carrier of step b 1 which to this day i still haven't been told how bad this is.

ok so since the February 2008 we have been ttc for another little baby (not to replace Logan before anyone thinks that)

in 2009 i had scans done to make sure i didn't have pcos and blocked tubes, i also had hormone bloods which all came back great.

so the next step was to send Matt (OH) for tests which his first set of results where good, but the second set where fantastic but that is because on the second test they did on that sample his little wiggly bits had multiplied, so some one had obviously been mixing samples in the lab... so he had to do 3 more tests 2 weeks apart from each other and the results where good again his ph levels where a little high but the doc said there was nothing to worry about.

so i leave it for another 6 months and just carry on using ovulation tests, but nothing they where always blank, so back to the doctor i went for more hormone tests..... when these results came back the doctor just said to me yep there ok.

we got to logans second birthday Jan 2010 and i was feeling so depressed i went back to the doctors and broke down, but the doctor passed me off saying it will happen when it happens , i didnt know what to do with my self.

we left it again and then in the march af was 40 days late but kept getting bfn, at work one day i thought i was a bit wet down stairs so went to the toilet and it looked like some one had cut me open (sorry tmi) after trying to clean my self up and calling my mum to get my bag (mum works with me, and i always carry spare knickers just in case) it happened again all this blood, i managed to get cleaned up and asked my deputy manager if i could go home but she said no we was short staffed... i explained how much blood i lost, it took me 4 attempts to flush it away (sorry again).

But i was a fool i stayed at work, and went to the doctor the next day and all he could say was if it was a mc then you have left it to late and by the sounds of it everything has come away i felt like he had just kicked me in the chest saying that.

this all happened again in october 2010 but i kept quite i didn't think any one would listen to me..

in December i booked another appointment with a NEW doctor and he was great, he refereed me straight to the fertility specialist, this was on the 15th December..

i got my appointment through middle of jan for the 2nd FEB.

2nd February came and i was soooo nervous, that nervous i left most my cycle information at home but we got to the hospital and i met such a lovely nurse, she calmed us both down and we went through all the questions and she then dropped the bomb shell..

first of all i am not immune to rebella, i have had this injection 3 times and it still hasn't taken (my sister is the same and she has to healthy boys) so if i dont have it done again then the consultant wont help me

also if i dont get a bfp in the next 2 cycles(so we have been ttc for 36 cycles) then apparently i will never have a baby naturally... how the hell does she know that..

well she wanted to look at matts results and guess what since the hospital move they have lost 1000's of results so he now has to do more tests

and our only option if IVF but i am overweight and have to lose 4 stone to get this on the nhs this wont happen i find it so hard to loose weight and i really dont eat crap.

i keep thinking about what she said and

surely i dont need ivf....?

how the hell am i going to lose 4 stone....?

i want to be a mummy so much do i put my body through ivf???

i dont know who to talk to i am so confused


sorry to bore you all but i really need to rant..

Any feed back would be great.

Thank you

Hayleigh x

 

[Mummy2Boo]

Sounds like you've had an awfully rough time of things, you poor things.

We've been TTC our 2nd baby for 35 months now, if AF arrives this time then we head into cycle 36. After a long hard battle with my former GP (who insisted I had IBS ) I was finally diagnosed in Sept 2010 with endometriosis. My gynae sent us to ACU and I'm due to have blood tests and scans next month. H has to do another SA as his results are more than 6 mths old. The consultant I saw was lovely, really positive about it and has said that even if we can't find out why we're having problems that we will find a way to get pregnant even if he does suggest IUI etc.

Why would any FS say you can't conceive if it's been more than 36 months? What if you MC during that time? Just strikes me as someone who wasn't really bothered too much which is just wrong.

 

[mumanddad]

Hay i donr know why she said it but when we asked questions she never answered them

im overweight so maybe that was why she gave me such a negative attitude! ?!

Well im loosing weight and lots of it )

Im being checked for any infections next month so fingers crossed there is some answers

i really hope you get your bfp soon hun i have my fingers crossed for you x x

 

[40yearoldmum]

God Hayleigh
You poor things I really feel for both of you and your little boy, I feel so deperately sorry for you that your left with the thoughts that he might have been ok if you had had him earlier.
Now I think you are both young....that is a positive, you should now if you can keep losing weight, don't do it just for the IVF...but that is a mega incentive do it for yourselves less weight can only help with your ttc journey try and do it more by watching what you eat and exercise, exercise will increase your blood flow and oxygen levels in your blood.
Start to chart and arm yourself with as much information about ttc etc as possible, then go again to your gp after another 3 months or so of charting so you truly know your body, chart your weight loss success aswell. If you get no joy with your gp ask for a second opinion. You can also pay for a private consultation with a fs and then proceed along the IVF route funded.
Hayleigh keep your chin up, I am so sorry for you and really wish you the best in your journey, your nice and young honey so don't stress too much.
Bex

 

[LoveLost]

Oh hun, I don't know why they are telling you to have ivf, I think they need to look into why your not getting pg. Sometimes I feel like ivf is a cash grab. It took us 2 years to conceive Colin, we went through iui unsuccessfully then got pg on our own. They told us if the iui didnt work our only option was ivf too. But we did get pg, unfortunately we lost our son after he was born and are still trying to get pg again after 2 miscarriages. The point is please don't rule out the option of getting pg naturally. Thinking of you!

 

[Starflyy]

Hi I know exactly how you feel, I have been ttc for 3 years. I have a 7 year old son and last night I cried myself to sleep. It's been really hard, I have never been on any birth control at all. In all my life.

I have a chemical imbalance in my pituitary gland in my brain which secretes 6 times the normal level of prolactin so my body always thinks it's pregnant which makes it impossible for me to conceive without some form of medication. I have been having blood tests for the last year every 2 weeks to monitor the hormone levels closely and will have to continue having these.

On the 24th of May I had a Laparoscopy, Hysteroscopy, D & C and the dye injected into my falopian tubes to check for blockages.

The recovery was a lot worse than I thought but a lot of people have had pretty good recoveries after these procedures so I guess I am just a little unlucky. I got an infection in my belly button after the surgery and the pains from the CO2 were awful.

This sounds really stupid but the reason I cried myself to sleep last night was because a girl at work told me she was pregnant after her and hubby had only been trying for 2 months. Usually I just expect this kind of news.. Im kind of used to everyone else having children around me. Since tying to concieve there have been 5 babies born at my work. Its only now that there wasn't anyone pregnant at work so at least it wasn't always being flaunted in my face but now its all happening again.

I like this girl at work and I am genuinely happy for her and hubby but on the inside I am really hurting and feel like a failure.

So I have decided to join a forum as of today, to maybe help with the emotional side of things. I'm hoping that maybe someone on here will be able to help us all get though it. I feel for everyone especially those who have been trying for longer or aren't already a parent. My heart goes out to you all.

Next wednesday I am finally going to see the specialist 3.5 weeks post op to work out if there are any other factors contirbuting to my infertility. Keep your fingers crossed for me and I will keep you posted...

Much love Rachael.

I really feel for your loss as well. My heart goes out to you and your family.

 

[mumanddad]

Good luck hun


our story has gone further now..

They never bothered treating me in the end because oh has now been told he has azoospermia which means no babies naturally for us

our fs is also messing us around majorly so i have planned to take a back seat for a while.

We have today recieved our adoption pack so i am going to give a child a loving home and save to do ivf on our own.


I really wish you luck babe x