I don't know what to do!

[vickyandchick]

Hi all,

I posted in here a while ago about problems with me ex.
Things have basically gotten a whole lot worse, he's sleeping with some girl he was talking to before we broke up and spends his money on dates with her and going on nights out then tells me he can't afford to live or contribute anything towards our son.
He's not around for support, I was in hospital and he said he'd come round the next day but bailed to go sleep with her instead
All he's ever done for me and my son is make me cry and put me through hell lately. He has provided nothing at all and has basically abandoned his son but makes noises about how he "cares" and how I'm going to see effort from him soon but he doesnt know what.

Then he's banging on about how I can't stop him from being there when he's born He is just causing stress and upset for me and my son, I want as little to do with him as possible. I would never keep my son from him but I'm not about to stand around and let him treat me like this when I am pregnant- he's made my life a misery.

Does anyone have any advice on visitation or child support? He's acted like a little boy and I want to be well prepared for when my son is here.
Thank you in advance x

 

[the why bird]

I'm sorry I don't know much about visitation and support, but you absolutely CAN stop him being there during the birth. Tell the midwife who checks you in that you don't want him coming in and they will be in charge of sending him away. They won't even tell him you're there when he calls, if you prefer (though of course if mutual friends know he will probably find out). Same goes if you stay on the ward to recover.

Labour goes smoothest when you feel comfortable; it's about you, not him.

I would document any time he messes you around or breaks a promise for future reference. Don't write down things about him going out and spending his money on dates since you can't really prove it and as annoying as it is, it's arguably not your business. But do write down and/or keep messages where he says he hasn't got enough money to live on and can't afford to contribute. You might want to look up a family law solicitor - most will do first sessions for free - and just go for some advice on what your options are and what steps you should take after the birth. You don't have to commit to anything.

Do you want him to be involved with the baby? Because if not, I'd tend to just not make any effort to keep him included/updated and let him do the running around. It sounds like he probably won't bother, which simplifies things.

 

[modified]

I'm in a kind of similar situation. Left my husband, who has bought a couple of dresses and a perfect prep machine, the day before moving in together. I'm now being left having to attend appointments with a homelessness officer, cross my fingers that I'll be put in temporary accommodation in 2 weeks (when I have to be out of here) and worry about where the rest of the money is coming from for food, gas and electric never mind the rest of baby's things whilst he sits in his nice little flat spending the big wad of money we had for getting and furnishing the flat on his fancy gaming computer. We differ in that he's made it clear he doesn't care about the baby and won't take any action to be there though. But if he had? He most definitely would not be anywhere near the delivery suite. He's treated me like scum for a long time now, he wouldn't be afforded the chance to belittle me at my most vulnerable.

If you want him to be there for baby when he's born but you don't want to have to face him alone or are worried about what he might say or do, you could go to mediation to draw up an informal agreement about visitation etc.