I don't know what to do... :(

[ChrissyTTC]

This is a little off topic but I wasn't sure where else to post it and I just really need to vent and get some non-judgmental advice

I'm sorry if this long but I don't know how else to explain it.

Last winter I suffered my second loss 4 months before my husband, myself and our 3 year old son moved to another state across country. Away from our hometown, family and friends. We had planned for the move for 8 months prior. Shortly before we moved I had my first ever panic attack, Once we moved my anxiety attacks and depression started to get worse and worse until it was a constant everyday battle and then I finally had a breakdown and was hospitalized.

When I was in the hospital I was also treated for preterm labor because at the time I was 29 weeks (currently 33 weeks) with our daughter and I have a long history of complicated pregnancies and a my son was a preemie. Once I was released my husband and I decided the best option right now was for me to go back to our hometown with our son to get help for my anxiety and depression and deliver our daughter safely (she's due 12/4/15) while my husband stays behind for his job and our apartment we signed on for a year.

I think the reason my anxiety came up and then the depression is because I honestly never wanted to move in the first place. I felt it was rushed and I was already dealing with a lot emotionally and I don't think I had enough time, if that makes sense? I felt like I had no say in the matter of us moving. After our move I began to feel isolated and alone, I didn't feel like I had the support I had back home. I had no means for transportation and I didn't know anyone besides a couple who lived a half hour away and my husbands aunt and uncle. I felt like who I was, was fading away and I hated the person I was becoming. I would cry all the time and I felt like I was breaking from the inside. I was suffocating...

Now that I'm back home things are a little better. I'm seeing a therapist and going back to church. I know I still have a long way to go to heal but I don't know if I can move back out of state again. I was so unhappy all the time and I just felt like living there wasn't for us.

My husband obviously wants to stay there and wants us to live there. I told him recently that I don't think I can go back, what it did to me scared me so much that I don't think I can go back. When I told him this he said I was ruining his life and he wouldn't be happy living back in our hometown. His mother also decided to butt in and said some really hurtful things to me before I came back home and I have a feeling her side of the family also think I'm "being selfish and taring my family apart" for deciding (with my husband) to go home to get help. She has since apologized but the damage has already been done and though I'm really hurt I forgave her.

I feel like no matter what happens one of us, me or my husband will be unhappy and I don't want that. I don't want to be the reason he hates his life but I also feel it was unfair to me to make me move there to begin with when I never wanted too but I did it for him and I tried to make it work but emotionally I couldn't handle it. I'm also dealing with the guilt of our son being away from his dad. I'm also still dealing with preterm labor and contractions, was in L&D again 2 nights ago and I think it may be because of stress? They also upped my dosage of Procardia (anti-contraction medication) I hate that the anxiety and depression got the best of me.

I don't know what to do anymore...

 

[gemstone]

Firstly bless you. What a lot of stress. I don't really know what to say. Coz your sanity comes first. Happy mummy happy baby /son. Myself would stay at my home town. If my husband didn't want to follow suit. Then I knew where I stood. He knows how fragile you age already & with a new baby coming your going to be even more so! I wouldn't want to run the risk of postnatal depression. You need a support network around at a time like this. And you did move first off for his feelings. It's time he returned the favour. You gave it a shot it wasn't for you. Now you both need to work on how to make it good for you both. Whether that be together or apart. I'm sure if you expressed your concerns maybe got him to maybe come to an appointment with the doctor maybe he could see how staying is more beneficial than to go. And say if he helps you get yourself great again. You could look moving that way again in time. Good luck Hun xx

 

[Misscalais]

Id probably wait until after baby arrives and see how you feel.
I have no family or friends where we live now. We moved for hubby to start his own business, im really un happy here but we can't move any where for a while and i don't like being away from my husband
Its a tough situation for sure.

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

I can't even imagine what you are going through with the pregnancy, however with the anxiety and moving away from family, I can. I moved about 800 miles away from my family four years ago. At first it was so hard, but it's gotten easier. There are times that I miss my family terribly but we go visit three to four times a year.

On to your situation... If your husband is so against moving back for your sanity and emotional health, then you two need to have a serious conversation on what your marriage is about... You're about to bring a second little one into the world that is his as well. Maybe ask him why he's so against moving back.

Also, congrats on seeing a therapist, I just started seeing one too for anxiety. It takes a strong person to seek professional help.

Good luck with everything.

 

[Nerdy]

I too have horrible anxiety and have been known to battle depression. I also have severe "travel" anxiety which hits before moves because I moved 14 times in 11 years when I was a kid and that did a number on my psyche... That being said, hubby and I are getting ready to move to his home state where I know NO ONE aside from his family (who suck and would love it if we divorced, if we're being honest) and ONE of his friend's from HS who happens to be our realtor. I think maybe the difference is knowing that A.) I can make new friends, B.) I'm involved in hobbies that enable me to branch out, C.) I'm an outdoorsy kind of girl, I can EASILY find zen in nature, and D.) I'll have my children and be able to explore a whole new world with them, make the world of difference.

To me, anxiety is all about perspective. If I feel myself coming down with an attack, and some of them are so severe that I've been convinced I was having a heart attack, I take the time to sit back and put the spin on what feelings, thoughts, and emotions are getting me all wound up. Sometimes it's hard to do, but it comes with learning yourself and learning how to manage your anxiety. I HIGHLY suggest Tai Chi and learning the art of meditation in addition to your therapist. I know it sounds hokey, but it really does make a difference in life.

I also suggest you table the moving discussion until after you've given birth. Give yourself a bit to recover and then try it again. If it fails? It fails. But right now there's a lot on the line financially for both you and hubby and while you're apprehensive, it may wind up being the very best course of action you can take for at least the rest of that year term on the apartment.

 

[jlw617]

I'm sorry for what you're going through and believe me I can relate as my husband served in the army for 8 years so I definitely had no say as to where we moved...this may come off harsh and I apologize in advance but when you got married you made a commitment...I think especially if your husband is the primary breadwinner you should do your best to follow him, it's hard but not impossible, you can become a part of mommy groups, find a good church and a therapist where your husband is, again I know what I'm saying isn't popular but I believe you owe it to not only your husband and children to give it another shot but to yourself as well...you may have more problems but you have to face them and atleast try, for your family's sake.