I don't know what

[punkymom]

I have been sobbing nonstop. Today my pregnancy tests are lighter. I know what is going to happen now.
I am SO MAD AT GOD!
This is awful! I feel like I lost a child and now I will never be able to hold a pregnancy.
I feel sick and like its all my fault after having a eating disorder.

I feel so numb and lost.
It is so hard to go on.

 

[PrayingPixie]

Oh hun! I'm so sorry! I've been there myself and I know it's painful but this isn't God's fault, honey. He doesn't just take from us like that. Sometimes he will call an angel baby home because he is sparing both the child and you from what might of been a very sickly and miserable life. We just don't realize it. I too have suffered losses and it's so hard and painful each time but I can tell you this, it's NOT your fault!! Please do not blame yourself! I am sure you were eating right this time and taking good care of yourself. Sometimes it's something as simple as a chromosome error, or genetic error and the pregnancy terminates itself. Sometimes it's a hormones imbalance and that causes trouble. Have you been tested yet by a dr to see if they can find a reason for repeat miscarriages? If not I suggest looking into that and see if they can pinpoint an issue and help you resolve it. Sometimes all it takes is supplemental progesterone or baby aspirin or whatnot. It could also of been a bad sperm cell or a bad egg cell. These things do happen unfortunately. But please do not feel punished or at fault. I can assure you that it's definitely NOT your fault! I understand feeling mad at God, too. After my last loss in March we lost baby after having a good strong hb so was devastated! But I know God did not call my baby home because of something I did or didn't do nor to hurt me! That's not how God operates, honey. God loves you and when you hurt and cry he does too. You're his precious daughter and he sees your pain and your tears. Pray to him, crawl into his lap and let him comfort you now. Ask him to help you and get back to your dr and let them check you out and run tests. Meanwhile just ask God if anything in you needs healing to be able to carry a pregnancy and if so to please heal you. God is loving and kind, sweetie. I promise he didn't do this to hurt you. I hope you hang in there and I will pray for you. If you want to pray together just pm me. Sending you love and many ! Please take care and go to the Father in prayer. He loves you and I care too for my hurting sister in his name.

 

[punkymom]

Thank you! Sure I would like to pray with you anytime.

 

[londongirl]

Oh I am SO so so so so so so so so sorry about the pain you are going through

It hurts my heart to read it. PLEASE do not blame yourself (the eating disorder).

I don't know your TTC history but I can tell you mine:

I had a MC at 10 weeks, one at 6 weeks and 2 chemicals. This was over 2 years. Thought there is no way I can hold a pregnancy. I also had eating issues 10 years ago and was so underweight I lost my AF for a year and the doctor told me that this will always affect my fertility, so I was very angry at myself for 'bringing this on myself'.

Then this pregnancy has worked out and I'm 35 weeks. My issue was that I needed progesterone and aspirin - it was nothing to do with me having had an issue with eating when I was a mere teenager.

Please don't blame yourself. And also please don't lose hope.

xxx

 

[punkymom]

Wow! I really needed that!
Thank you beyond words!

That gives me so much hope!

 

[flou]

punkymom. I am so sorry for your loss. I can identify with how you feel as I felt exactly the same after both my losses but you are not to blame. I hope you get your rainbow soon and when you do they will be worth all the pain you have been through to get them. Take care

 

[calm]

Punkymom, as I've told you before, don't create duplicate threads as it goes against the forum rules