I don't want to do this anymore :(

[dolly5x3]

I'm not sure where it would be okay to post this but I just have to get it off my chest. My son is 8 months old now and I'm feeling like I can't do this anymore. He has been a very difficult baby and everyone keeps telling me to wait and he'll get better but it hasn't gotten any easier. He wad very colicky when he was small and has acid reflux. He would literally cry the whole time he was awake besides from when he was drinking a bottle. He has gotten a little better but still growls, whines, or cries at least 80% of the time that he is awake. It just seems like he's never happy and I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing I do makes him happy and nothing keeps him entertained. I can't even just sit and hold my baby ever because he gets mad and will throw a temper tantrum and try to scratch me and get away. He hates being in the carseat so car rides will not calm him down. I try to take him for walks and he grunts and growls the whole time in the stroller. I have friends who's babies are close in age to him and they are so calm and happy and I wish my son would be like that. I feel like I haven't been able to enjoy him being a baby. Everyone always says they don't want their baby to grow up but I cannot wait for him to get bigger and not be a baby anymore. I'm a single mother so I never get any nights where I can just relax and rest. He goes to sleep really late and is always up early the next morning so I'm always tired and have to get up and listen to him growl all day. It's almost impossible to get anything done around the house when he's awake because he throws a tantrum a little after I put him down. I wanted him so badly before he was here but now at times I feel like if I could go back I would've chose to never have kids. I feel horrible saying that but after 8 months of this it's hard. I can't ask anyone to watch him just so I can get a break because no one wants to because of how difficult he is. I feel like I'm the only one going through this because everyone else I know has never had kids like this and I just don't know how much longer I can handle it =(

 

[Krissykat1006]

It sounds like you were dealt a rough hand from the moment he was born. I'm sorry you are having to deal with it alone, I imagine if you were able to get some rest and just some mental alone time you wouldn't feel so defeated. And its ok that you feel like that...I had moments with my first where I would question if I was cut out to be a mom, cause it felt like everything I did was wrong. But it really does get better...just when is different for everyone. Have you talked to his Ped about his still being fussy all the time? And do you have a wrap or carrier of some sort that you can wear with him in and have your hands free? That way you can clean around the house. I also know my son really enjoyed bath time and it seemed to calm him at night. We also used the nighttime bathwash and the scent seemed very calming to him as well.
Hang in there, you are doing fine and you will get through this.

 

[SRTBaby]

I found that since I was stressed initially when DS was born it was hard for me to connect with him. Maybe that happened with your son and he can sense it. I had to work really hard to reconnect with my LO, please talk to someone, you might be able to get support. Even support to give you time. We have some free daycare drop in programs locally that parents can drop their kids during the day if they need a break. I know a lot of parents that have benefited, find out if there is something similar where you are.

 

[Aliop]

As a mum with two silent reflux babies I can sympathise my 18 month old is only now starting to come good if you know what I mean. Seeing as its my second time dealing with these issues I knew the first two years would be hard but it doesn't make getting through each day any easier My saving grace is outside play, my LO loves being outside since he could walk at 11 months. Until he could walk it was very, very, very draining to deal with every day. Having a solid routine has helped enormously as well. Knowing my baby/kids goes to bed at 7pm really helps me have a little bit of 'peace'. I'm not a single mum but my DH is away a lot and works 8am-6pm mon-fri, he is fantastic at helping when he is here. Do you have any family or friends who can help out?

 

[funinthesun]

I'm so sorry that things aren't going well. I can definitely understand when you say that you can't do this anymore as I often think the same thing.
I agree with the above poster who suggested talking to your doctor again. Maybe your son is in need of different medication or a special type of formula. It may be that he is being fussy because he is uncomfortable or something is upsetting him.
I find that my son gets very fussy at home so I try and go out somewhere morning and afternoon. It also helps to pass the day quicker.
Is it possible to enrol your son in nursery once a week so you can have a break once a week?

 

[Karinama98]

I'm very sorry to hear about your feelings and situation. A colicky baby is never fun. I know my one sister when she had her son asked my mom if it's okay not to like her own child (she loved him, but didn't like him) because of how he was.

I don't know if you've tried it or if it was recommended...but when my daughter had colic we were told by her physician to try gas drops and probiotics. Honestly, within 1-2 days we noticed a huge difference with her and she was a completely different baby. Here we are 8 weeks later and we haven't dealt with colic since.

I know it's frustrating, and easier said than done. Although you may feel no one wants to help take care of him because of how he is, but try to find someone you trust fully and let them know how much you would appreciate it if they watched him even just for an hour or two because you NEED a break.

***HUGS***

 

[Teri7489]

First of all, don't worry about things you think/say/write....almost every mum or dad or here has had some sort of 'bad' thought at some point about their children. I for one dumped my daughter on my husband, screamed I was done and walked out the house at 3am. I wandered the streets for an hour randomly screaming out before I went back.

I would have a chat with your GP for support for yourself and to have your LO checked over again. There may be something else causing him to be fussy.

Isn't there any clubs you could attend, even once a week. It may help your LO to relax a little, having the opportunity to play with other babies? Plus it would give you a break to have a cuppa and chat with other worn out, tired, frustrated mums and dads. I know its hard but please try not to compare your LO to others. No one likes to admit their child isn't sleeping through the night, or is hard work but most babies are at some point. Not all families are as easy and happy as they appear.

I really hope you can get some support and some rest

All the best lovely mummy! Xxx

 

[LegoHouse]

Mama of a colicky 3 week old and almost at the point of distress already so I can't imagine what you feel like after 8 months. Venting doesn't make you a bad mum and wanting a break doesn't either. Could you put him in nursery a couple of mornings a week??