I don't want to have to deal with them!!

[Ashersmomma]

I'm sorry, but I just have to whine and moan a bit. My normal sympathetic ear is DH, and this is about his mother, so whining to him is out of the question.
After seeing all the post recently about terrible MILs, it just reminded me that I'm going to have to deal with mine again, at least a little bit, after DD is born. We've had a lot of issues in the past with the way she treats me.
When DH and I lost our jobs, and then our house(due to the landlord going into foreclosure ) we ended up moving to my hometown, which is a 45 minute drive from her. It was a Godsend for me! I haven't had to see her or talk to her in about a year. I've only dealt with her second hand, when she contacts DH or tries to get DH to do things for her(she texts him at least 20 times a day, and calls at least twice a day)
But with DD coming along in 2 weeks, I know I will have to deal with her at the hospital. She luckily will not be coming up the day LO is born, so she says, but on another day, although I have not been told what day. I am dreading it. I don't want to see her. I don't want her anywhere around me. I have to bite my tongue the entire time she is around, or I will snap at her. I have a very low tolerance for her and a nasty temper(which always surfaces around her, but rarely any other time) I'm going to have to make sure DH knows that she is not to come to the hospital unless he is there. He keeps me grounded some, and can tell when I've had enough of her.

Another thing I am dreading is her wanting to see the baby after we come home. I know she will want us to bring DD to her, as DH does with DS when he can. But that is not happening. She is going to have to come to us. I won't be traveling for a while after my c-section, especially to just go and sit at her house, and as DD will be breastfed, she won't be traveling either. I don't want her in my house, but at least I can retreat to my bedroom if need be.

Gah! Just think about this all is making me upset. And now I'm thinking about FIL wanting to visit(he luckily has said he will not go to the hospital) and if FILs mom will end up wanting to come down(she's only seen DS once in his life, so it's a little more unlikely, but still possible), and about BIL wanting to hold LO. BIL is an alcoholic, that has unfortunately been drinking again. I don't want him handling my kids when he's been drinking, but I don't know how to even broach that subject. I already worry about him dealing with DS when they go to visit, but really don't know what to say to DH about it.

I'm sorry that was so rambly and if it was a little incoherent. I just needed to get some of that out, even if it doesn't make complete sense. I really can't stand most of DHs family. The only one I can stand is his youngest brother. Actually he is one I would love to have come and meet LO, but he unfortunately was just stationed in Alaska He's been like the little brother I never had, whereas the rest of his family are the in-laws I always dreaded having.

 

[maisie78]

Oh that's not good Why do in laws have to make everything difficult? On the plus side at least she lives a fair way from you so travelling to you regularly is probably unlikely so you will only need to bite your tongue for a little while. Still not ideal obviously but it's a difficult situation x

 

[emmi26]

Hun you need to set out some rules for when you've just had baby that's what ive done if you don't want visitors straight away tell oh. I don't want any of my in laws round straight away so ive said there will be no one coming to the house or hospital in the first week unless I say sounds mean but I know what they are like and I don't want it. She's my baby and I want to get settled without worrying about who is coming round !
Think about it hun set yourself some bonding time and tell oh that you need chance to bond and recover and don't want anyone coming up untill you are ready.
You need to be firm hun she's your baby you need to be settled not worrying about mil turning up when she fancys !!

 

[Ashersmomma]

I wish I could use bonding time as an reason to keep her away. Only problem is that my family will be up there the day she is born. I can't say they can come but she can't. If I could I would say I don't want her there at all, ever, but that's not going to happen. I can just imagine the reaction to that. I will try to get DH to tell her that she can only come on Saturday, though, when he's there.
MIL is narcissistic and bipolar. I'm already imagining what she's going to say when I say we won't be bring DD to her, but that she had to come to us. And I can already see her trying to get gas money out of DH to come visit.(She had him kowtowed when we met. He more time doing things for her than he spent with me. Even after I was pregnant and we were living together, she still had him paying for things. I put a stop to that fast when I found out.) The woman had even threatened to kill herself if she doesn't get her way. I just really don't get around me or my kids.

 

[laura109]

Its a nightmare. Im dreading working out who can see my daughter and when. I think oh mum wants to come to the hospital if im on for the day or something. Im thinking great. Ill be a mess. Just given birth. No makeup on and bleeding. His mum and dad seeing me in that state is not my idea of fun.

my parents have made comments that there seeing her before oh family. There probably half joking but they are hoping we will take her round on the way home. I think they should come to us personally.

totally feel your pain. People should back off and let you invite them.