I feel cheated!!!

[bumpsmum]

So yest was our first wedding anniversary and Chris and I were out for a lovely meal, there was a heavily pregnant woman at the restraurant and I just could not keep my eyes off her, she was so beautiful, very slim but with a HUGE bump, she was just radiant, her skin was amazing and she looked very healthy and happy.

I was SOOOO jealous it just hit me like a led balloon that I never got to that stage, I looked forward to a huge bump, I was really neat and Matthew had IUGR so didnt grow well from about 28 weeks. I really feel cheated now I feel I have missed out on the last 2 and a half months of my pregnancy as I was so ill I was basically on bedrest, hospital visits, monitoring, scans etc 3 times a week for the 3 weeks before the birth.

I missed that final stage, the nesting, the anticipation of actually going into labour, im curious what labour feels like.

I know it sounds selfish and I am very greatful for how healthy Matthew is but I really feel cheated now and its getting me down , im desperate for another baby but confused as to whether thats for selfish reasons to have a full term pregnancy (which there is no certainty of) or for a second child if that makes sense.

Im prob talking alot of sh*t and rambling here girls so I apologise but I feel as if I have been hit with a ton of bricks, is this something you have also experienced, im making myself feel sick with what 'ifs' when I think I need to try and let it go.

SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME A GOOD SHAKE! X

 

[monst_18]

Ah honey i am new to all this - but i feel the same, i only said it yesterday to my mum - i really feel i missed out i was looking forward to 3rd trimester and was just thinking and planning on getting stuff and bam 3 days before 3rd tri out Alfie came - i agree on the labour thing and everything - i thibk you said on mt post we had a very similar situation.

i am sure you aren't being selfish wanting another one and i am sure Matthew would love a little brother or sister, just make sure you are both ready. I am only 9 days into this whole situation but one thing i have realised is that life is too short for regrets and you gotta get out there and do what makes you happy. it kinda puts things into persppective!

Good luck xx

 

[monst_18]

BTW congrats on your anniversary!!

 

[Dona]

I totally understand how you feel Hun... I don't think Mummies like us will ever stop being 'hungry' for that big bump until we have another one...thats if we have another one. Everyone has told me that the end stages of pregnancy are rubbish but I still want it. I too also feel cheated.

We just have to thank our lucky stars that our little ones are here and doing well. Well thats what I keep telling myself.

xxxx

 

[AP]

I felt the same last night in Sainburys honey xxxx

 

[snowgirl]

Same happened to me, although I only missed out on the last 6 weeks, but still, I LOVED being pregnant and wasn't ready to deliver 6 weeks early (same as you because of IUGR) and for weeks after the birth felt I had to come to terms with it all. I totally understand what you feel like!

Elle xx

 

[snowgirl]

im making myself feel sick with what 'ifs' when I think I need to try and let it go.

Oh God I just read this last line and this is what I was doing!!!!!! The what ifs make you beat yourself up over and over again. Please don't blame yourself. Have you had a chat with your doctor about PND recently? I finally got it diagnosed 6 months after the birth and the tablets have stopped me feeling guilty and I'm back to my old self.

 

[bumpsmum]

thanks girls, im sheepishly glad its not just me who feels this way...

snowgirl.... yeah I suffer from PND have done since Matthew was about 4 months or so, on my 4th week of medication, hoping they kick in soon.

Think im also anxious in case baby no2 takes years ago, we tried for 3 years all in before Matthew (a very pleasant surprise) a cycle of IVF and a chemical pregnancy in there so thinking of trying soon in case it takes a while as id love them close in age as does OH x x

 

[snowgirl]

Think im also anxious in case baby no2 takes years ago, we tried for 3 years all in before Matthew (a very pleasant surprise) a cycle of IVF and a chemical pregnancy in there so thinking of trying soon in case it takes a while as id love them close in age as does OH x x

Just thought I'd mention (in case you didn't know), SSRI antidepressants have been shown in recent studies to sometimes cause birth defects if taken in early pregnancy. Just make sure your doctor knows you are trying and a plan to come off them if you do get pregnant.

 

[bumpsmum]

thanks, so far no plans per se but plan on being weaned off them first...x

 

[grumpymoo]

happy anniversary!

i know what you mean too but i only missed out on 7 weeks.

when rose came home it was one of the things i had difficulty getting my head round ,kept thinking she should still be in my tummy for weeks yet etc and felt like i had missed out on loads. all my maternity leave sitting at home reading baby books and getting excited.....dont get me wrong, i was so blooming grateful to have my baby but i really struggled with that.

i really feel for you

 

[Foogirl]

I missed out on 11 weeks, but to be honest, seeing those women being hugely pregnant in June and July when I was barely able to drag my own ass about because of the heat, I felt thankful.

That's not to say I didn't miss being pregnant. I missed her moving as she was an active wee thing. I missed her tickling me from the inside. But most of all I missed her being born and that always got me.

However, we got to have so many other "firsts" in those few weeks before she came home that when other new mothers were on an endless cycle of feeding, changing and sleeping, with little feedback from their babies, we were celebrating her first burp, her opening her eyes, her first cuddle, her first breast feed, moving to a cot, her first full bottle feed, her tube coming out.....all these things that brought us joy. New mums don't get much of that in the first month!!

There may be other babies, there may be a full pregnancy, but you've years and years ahead of great joy with your wee one. Enjoy it!

 

[premmiemum123]

I missed out on 11 weeks, but to be honest, seeing those women being hugely pregnant in June and July when I was barely able to drag my own ass about because of the heat, I felt thankful.

That's not to say I didn't miss being pregnant. I missed her moving as she was an active wee thing. I missed her tickling me from the inside. But most of all I missed her being born and that always got me.

However, we got to have so many other "firsts" in those few weeks before she came home that when other new mothers were on an endless cycle of feeding, changing and sleeping, with little feedback from their babies, we were celebrating her first burp, her opening her eyes, her first cuddle, her first breast feed, moving to a cot, her first full bottle feed, her tube coming out.....all these things that brought us joy. New mums don't get much of that in the first month!!

There may be other babies, there may be a full pregnancy, but you've years and years ahead of great joy with your wee one. Enjoy it!

Hi, congratulations on your anniversary. I tend to follow Foogirl lead. I was so glad not to be pregnant in June/July when it was so hot as i struggled through the heat falling asleep at my LO's incubator. I tried to comfort myself with that thought anyway. It is so true that most new mothers don't see much in the first few months of a newborn and we having had our babies early got to see so many amazing firsts and because our babies were so tiny (mine was 14 weeks early), it was amazing when you got to that point as you knew your baby had fought to get there.
I think we should celebrate all the firsts!

What I find incredible also is that I have seen my LO grow outside the womb, whilst at times during the whole experience I wished this was not the case and cried for hours because of it, on reflection now we are home it has been amazing to see. Now I look at Emily, acting like a newborn and can't believe she was only 2lb when she was born...our babies are amazing and that is what makes them so special, the fact they have fought to survive.
I was a mess during the three months Emily was in hospital and made myself ill as a result, now she is home I am trying to see the experience through new eyes so I can move on and come to terms with it in order that in the future I can help others through similar experiences.

You have an amazing LO and as Foogirl says, you have many months and years to come to enjoy your bundle of joy! One day you can sit down and tell her all about what happened and let her know how amazing she is.

 

[bumpsmum]

thanks girls, I totally agree about all those firsts and so so special that term mummies may take for granted as they all happen so fast.

Had a home visit from HV today and had a good chat, she said its really common for people in our situation to 'grieve' for teh end of a pregnancy, she suggested it might be good to go over my birth notes with the midwife or consultant to discuss the exact reasons for being sectioned early and mainly reassurance that it was something I could not prevent as have a great deal of guilt about it all now which im sure a few other mums can sympathise with x x

 

[Foogirl]

What I find incredible also is that I have seen my LO grow outside the womb, whilst at times during the whole experience I wished this was not the case and cried for hours because of it, on reflection now we are home it has been amazing to see. Now I look at Emily, acting like a newborn and can't believe she was only 2lb when she was born...our babies are amazing and that is what makes them so special, the fact they have fought to survive.
I was a mess during the three months Emily was in hospital and made myself ill as a result, now she is home I am trying to see the experience through new eyes so I can move on and come to terms with it in order that in the future I can help others through similar experiences.

Sopt on. I hadn't through of it as seeing her grow outside the womb, but of course that was what we got to see. Amazing!

I was also just saying the other day, we get to do that newborn thing for a wee bit longer and how fab is that?

 

[grumpymoo]

Had a home visit from HV today and had a good chat, she said its really common for people in our situation to 'grieve' for teh end of a pregnancy, she suggested it might be good to go over my birth notes with the midwife or consultant to discuss the exact reasons for being sectioned early and mainly reassurance that it was something I could not prevent as have a great deal of guilt about it all now which im sure a few other mums can sympathise with x x[/QUOTE]

this is what i am setting up at the moment, am hoping just having the chat about my notes will put my mind at rest a little, although time seems to be helping too, good luck x

 

[Fluxuspoem]

I am currently pregnant with a large chance that I will deliver prematurely and spent most of my pregnancy on bed rest with a lot of medicine and stress. Since week 25 things have gotten worse with contractions etc so I am kind of trying to come in terms that I wont be going full term at all.

I do feel that way already. I keep looking at my bump and imagining my baby inside and thinking that I will probably not see my bump growing massive, I wont be able to walk and show it off, its all so hidden, me in a bed feelign sorry for myself wishing my days away.

Its completely normal, we spend all our lives thinking that we will be like every other pregnant woman, doing everything normal, but it doesnt turn that way. And I know for a fact I will always long a normal full term pregnancy with no problems.

 

[premmiemum123]

Had a home visit from HV today and had a good chat, she said its really common for people in our situation to 'grieve' for teh end of a pregnancy, she suggested it might be good to go over my birth notes with the midwife or consultant to discuss the exact reasons for being sectioned early and mainly reassurance that it was something I could not prevent as have a great deal of guilt about it all now which im sure a few other mums can sympathise with x x

this is what i am setting up at the moment, am hoping just having the chat about my notes will put my mind at rest a little, although time seems to be helping too, good luck x[/QUOTE]

I think your HV is right. A mother at one of the hospitals we stayed at, at the beginning of our long journey said to me (as I was sobbing at the incubator) that I was grieving for the end of my pregnancy that I didn't have. It made total sense, even though Emily was there in the incubator I still felt empty inside, cheated and over again kept thinking 'why me?' 'what did I do wrong'. The mother had had counselling and was coming to terms with her experience with her 25 weeker who was born at 585g and had such a struggle to survive. She was an amazing woman to talk to.
There is a lot to come to terms with when you have a premature baby, no matter what the gestation. It throws your whole life into chaos and you are not ready for such a rollercoaster.
I think it would help to talk about it, go over what happened. You may not get all the answers you are looking for but to talk it over might lift a whole weight off your shoulders...
I had a placenta abruption and I talked it over with my obsterician after the birth and he said sometimes there is no explanation as to why these things happen it is just natures way and they (doctors and nurses) have to react to it and do the best they can to help the baby survive. I will never know why my placenta gave way, but what I do know is that my LO was determined to survive despite the force of mother nature, for that I am so proud of her and will do everything to protect her.

Good luck with your session...I really hope it helps you come to terms with things...you deserve to be happy...x