I'm not really sure where I belong on here, but I'm lost, scared and confused.
I've had one post on this site at the end of July. I was bleeding and mild cramping around 5 weeks pregnant. I found out later that it was only a threatened miscarriage, and that the baby was fine.
I should be 19 weeks tomorrow. Despite what I've heard on other scans, I've just felt like something isn't right with this pregnancy. It's my first, but I have just had a "feeling" for awhile. Some were little things like I'm not getting a bump. I know every woman is different and shows at different times, but I'm only 5'0 tall and very very slim so it didn't make sense to me that I wasn't getting at least a little bit of something. I've also had no symptoms, which again, I know every woman is different.
Fast forward to two days ago. I woke up at 4 am with pains in my stomach that felt like menstrual cramps. They weren't unbearable, just uncomfortable. I tried to just go back to sleep and credit the pains to my muscles finally stretching for the baby. Then the pains changed from menstrual type cramps to feeling like I needed to go to #2 really bad (sorry for the TMI). I got up and went to the restroom but nothing would happen. When I wiped there was a fair amount of mucous type discharge with only a slight pinkish/brownish tint . After awhile those pains went away as well, and turned into more of just pressure feeling around my lower stomach and pelvic area. I phoned the dr and got in that afternoon.
We found out that while the LO still has a heartbeat, there's been no growth since our last scan (around 15 1/2 weeks). I was not given a reason for this, and now I can't believe myself that I didn't even think to ask. On top of that, I found out I have a very short cervix, and that it is dilated already to 1 1/2 cm. The doc said that is what caused the pressure type feeling. He did not want to put in a stitch b/c he said the risk of infection is too great, and there's simply not enough "left" to stitch. So now I'm on bedrest waiting to see what happens. But he let us know that it doesn't look good. I go back in 2 days to see if anything has changed.
I just feel like somehow this is my fault, that I did something wrong. He mentioned an incompetent cervix. Who named that!? It made me feel even worse. Like I'M incompetent.
I know this sounds horrible....but I just know LO isn't going to make it much longer. I just have this gut feeling. The weird thing is I still don't "feel" pregnant. DH won't even talk about it. He just acts like nothing out of the usual is happening. I know he's probably just trying to stay strong for me, but...I just don't know. I'm so hurt and so numb at the same time.
So sorry for the long rant. I just had to get it out somewhere.
I've had one post on this site at the end of July. I was bleeding and mild cramping around 5 weeks pregnant. I found out later that it was only a threatened miscarriage, and that the baby was fine.
I should be 19 weeks tomorrow. Despite what I've heard on other scans, I've just felt like something isn't right with this pregnancy. It's my first, but I have just had a "feeling" for awhile. Some were little things like I'm not getting a bump. I know every woman is different and shows at different times, but I'm only 5'0 tall and very very slim so it didn't make sense to me that I wasn't getting at least a little bit of something. I've also had no symptoms, which again, I know every woman is different.
Fast forward to two days ago. I woke up at 4 am with pains in my stomach that felt like menstrual cramps. They weren't unbearable, just uncomfortable. I tried to just go back to sleep and credit the pains to my muscles finally stretching for the baby. Then the pains changed from menstrual type cramps to feeling like I needed to go to #2 really bad (sorry for the TMI). I got up and went to the restroom but nothing would happen. When I wiped there was a fair amount of mucous type discharge with only a slight pinkish/brownish tint . After awhile those pains went away as well, and turned into more of just pressure feeling around my lower stomach and pelvic area. I phoned the dr and got in that afternoon.
We found out that while the LO still has a heartbeat, there's been no growth since our last scan (around 15 1/2 weeks). I was not given a reason for this, and now I can't believe myself that I didn't even think to ask. On top of that, I found out I have a very short cervix, and that it is dilated already to 1 1/2 cm. The doc said that is what caused the pressure type feeling. He did not want to put in a stitch b/c he said the risk of infection is too great, and there's simply not enough "left" to stitch. So now I'm on bedrest waiting to see what happens. But he let us know that it doesn't look good. I go back in 2 days to see if anything has changed.
I just feel like somehow this is my fault, that I did something wrong. He mentioned an incompetent cervix. Who named that!? It made me feel even worse. Like I'M incompetent.
I know this sounds horrible....but I just know LO isn't going to make it much longer. I just have this gut feeling. The weird thing is I still don't "feel" pregnant. DH won't even talk about it. He just acts like nothing out of the usual is happening. I know he's probably just trying to stay strong for me, but...I just don't know. I'm so hurt and so numb at the same time.
So sorry for the long rant. I just had to get it out somewhere.
