I feel so guilty :(

[HevTT]

I have no idea where to start with this!

I was married previously. My ex husband and I started the IVF process but at the last minute, the hospital decided that they wanted to do a hysteroscopy. The evening after the op, as I lay in hospital, my ex husband cleared out my house - after deciding he didn't want to be married anymore.

Fast forward 5 years and I have met the man I will spend the rest of my life with. We got married 6 months ago and decided in January that we'd start the IVF process (I know the problems lie with me - having PCOS and endometriosis) so we went for referral. I am now due to have a combined lap and dye and hysteroscopy in 2 weeks time.

Last year, my husband's brother announced that he and his wife were having a baby. I could tell that it was going to be the longest pregnancy in history as my sister in law was 5 weeks pregnant when they announced it to the world. By the time our wedding came round, she was 19 weeks pregnant. Whilst we were on honeymoon in the Caribbean, we got a phone call to say that she had lost the baby. The baby had died 2 weeks previously.

I have now come home to be told that she is pregnant again - although only done a home test - she is going to the Drs later in the week. I want to cry!

The last time, everything was bought and I mentioned to my mother-in-law about what gift to get them and was bluntly told that it HAD to be from a certain Fisher Price range. My mother-in-law knows the problems that I had/have but still insisted on talking constantly about the baby and every conversation rounded to the baby. Nothing else mattered. Now I am dreading the next few months. She knows what I am about to go through and that it is difficult for me but she still insists on knitting, showing me everything she has bought/going to buy....I can't go thought that again.

On top of it all, I am desperately worried about my own op.....the outcome and also the irrational part of me thinks my husband will walk away.

I feel so guilty about how I feel about the new baby. I've been here before with my ex-sister-in-law and ended up resenting the pregnancy - I'm worried the same will happen.

Thank you for bearing with me.
Hev x

 

[Mrs G]

Hi and welcome.

So sorry to hear your story hun. It is so hard when people around you get pg and some people are just damn insenstive. I am sure your op will go well and I hope it gives you some answers.
There is absolutely no reason for history to repeat itself with your DH. We are all here for you.

 

[Mrs T]

I'd say your a strong person, you have been through so much x
just wanted to wish you all the best and I hope everything works out for you.

Just keep being a strong person

 

[hopeful4baby]

Hello!

I'm so sorry about what you have to go through! It's so so difficult to be happy for other people, especially when they seem to be getting what we want so desperately, so easy. This can't be helped, so don't feel guilty about it, we all feel the same way.

I have exactly the same mil. My sil is giving birth any day now and all the way through I've heard about nothing else, even though she knows we've been struggling for the past 3 years. I have kept my contact with her to absolute minimum. I understand she is looking forward to her first grandchild, but it is very hard for me to be around her, even thought, funnily, I don't mind being around my sil.

I hope you get through your op well and you are not far away from your dream!

 

[The Missus]

I just want to send some big too, you've got a lot on your plate at the moment. Like others who have posted, I empathise too. I had similar feelings when my sister was expecting- I coudn't bear to be around my own mum or sister. I alienated half my family! I guess there are lots of us on here feeling guilty and resentful at times, this TTC really messes with your emotions and your true personality gets overwhelmed. You sound really strong though, keep going! This is a great place to offload if it gets too much. xx

 

[Trying4ever]

Hev you shouldnt feel guilty! you have been through so much yourself....does anyone else feel guilty about that? It is a difficult topic cos on one hand you dont want people to be whispering behind your back cos your so sensitive and on the otherhand you dont want someone elses babytalk in your face.

Its more a selfish thing but I would block them out until you've had your op and then when you feel ready you can enter their world and talk about baby stuff with renewed hope after your op that one day you too will get all this attention xx

 

[latestarter]

Wow you have a lot going on! I'm not sure what to suggest, except first and foremost take care of yourself and concentrate on getting through your op! Have you talked to your DH about your concerns? His reassurance might help get you through. I have no idea what to say about your MIL. Honestly, that is just inconsiderate of her. Can you get DH to talk to his mom about it? Maybe he can get her to tone things down?

Good luck and stay strong. You WILL get through this.

 

[BizyBee]

This TTC business is difficult and you've been through so much already. You should not feel guilty. It is a natural reaction to a tough situation.

 

[HevTT]

Girls, thank you so much for your support - I got really upset last night but feel a bit better this morning. I've been here before and it just feels like history repeating itself. I thought I'd got over it a bit but obviously not.

My husband is well aware of my reactions and is very supportive - my op is almost 5 years to the day since the last one and he is making sure I know things will be different this time.

Hev x

 

[Lawhra]

Hi. I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. But pleased for you that you have the support of your DH. This time round will be different because you will come round from your op with your loving husband waiting for you and to start your journey to become parents together.
I wish you well with the op and hope you get good news and a fresh injection if hope and positivity.
I understand how you feel about your MIL and SIL. And I wish I had some words of wisdom to make you feel better, but all I can say is you are not alone in your feelings.

I wish you a short journey to your bfp.

 

[Bexy]

and welcome Hev,

Goodness what a rat-bag your ex-husband was - sounds like you've got a lovely hubby now though and hopefully his re-assurances will help!

Good luck with your op and hopefully you will soon be the talk of the family with your own pregnancy!! Sorry how your MIL is making you feel - like the ladies here I have been through this too but as long as you have your DH's support hopefully you can make it through!

Take care xx

 

[kristy87]